A Yittle Chubby

Framed

2012-02-05T00:29:00.006-06:00

Three Lists of Four

2011-09-10T02:36:00.001-05:00

Most people play fantasy football to be entertained, or to take their minds off how awful their favorite squad is. And some of us play fantasy football just so we have one more topic to ramble on for hours and hours about pretending we know way more than we actually do. I was describing other people in that last sentence not myself. First of all I never ramble, and secondly I never pretend. I do, however, educate. And right now, I'd like to educate you on what quarterbacks, running backs and wide receivers I like for the upcoming season. I had to wait for the first game to be played because anyone who makes predictions just off of preseason action is more full of crap than a port-a-potty next to the Prune Juice on a Stick Stand at the State Fair. So here's who I like a lot, a little, and not at all. And most importantly why I like who I like a lot, a little, and not at all. Did everybody follow that?

Quarterbacks

Cream of the Crop: Aaron Rodgers. The only thing that can stop Rodgers this year is Mike McCarthy's play calling. As the Packers use more and more no huddle in their offense Rodgers should get Peyton Manning type control of this team, and I'm betting he's a pain in the neck of every defensive coordinator he plays this year. See what I did there?

Next in Line: Drew Brees, Tom Brady. These two have been in the mix for years and will do the same this year. You could argue either ones case for the top spot. I don't have anything smart to say for these two, but since I have your attention would you trade in a Bridget Moynahan for something called a Gisele Bündchen? She sounds KGB. Not that there is anything wrong with that. Also I swear Brees didn't have that mole on his face in San Diego. Tell me he's had it all along. I still don't believe.

Fast Riser: Sam Bradford. Second year in the league and will probably start a little slow while still learning new offensive coordinator Josh McDaniels' playbook. Unlike last year Bradford will have actual NFL caliber receivers to throw to combined with a system that made Kyle Orton look like Fillet mignon, when he's closer to chopped liver. Does that analogy make sense? I'm a vegetarian.

Free Faller: Michael Vick. I'm not saying he's going to have a fall on your face, stomp on the ground, why did I draft this guy in the first round, type year. But people drafting him hoping for totals like last year only over an entire 16 game schedule are going to be greatly disappointed. Defensive coordinators began figuring out ways to contain him towards the end of last year. They have had an extended time to game plan for him during the offseason. And quite frankly, I have a better chance deciphering a text message from my two year old nephew than Vick has figuring out a zone defense. And my nephew is not a good speller. Nor does he excel in punctuation.

Running Backs

Cream of the Crop: Adrian Peterson. I thought this was the year Peterson finally started to slip. But I grew out of it. It's probably because I live so close to Minneapolis that I've been suckered in by the local media and their home town enthusiasm, but he looks like he's in great shape, and is in a contract year, and he is their only source of offense, and I think he spays and neuters his pets. That kind of responsibility just can't be taught.

Next in Line: Arian Foster. He's already dealing with a hamstring problem, but I think the Texans will either sit him week one or severely limit his snaps so he comes back completely healthy by week two. As long as Ben Tate or Steve Slaton don't erupt in his absence, yes I'm leaving Derrick Ward out on purpose, 15 weeks should be more than enough for him to make up for the lost time. Or maybe he'll completely tear his hamstring in his first game and we'll get to weekly MRI updates for the rest of the season via twitter. Either way it seems like a win.

Fast Riser: Tim Hightower. I thought about McFadden here, but his rise really happened last year. Hightower looked like a new man in the preseason. Now I know those games don't count, but he fits the style of offense the Redskins are looking to run. He is a threat to run and catch passes. And his quarterback is either going to be John Beck or Rex Grossman. Little known fact Tim is actually the son of Moses Hightower from the Police Academy films. But I don't know if he is his dad in real life or just on TV. But in all seriousness you will be missed Bubba Smith.

Fast Fallers: Jamaal Charles. I owned Jamal Charles last year and subsequently owned the league I was in as well. But I also had Vick, Brady, Peterson, Foster, Hillis, White, Calvin Johnson, and Gates. I know what you're thinking and it's tough to explain and there just isn't time. I don't doubt Charles' talent I do doubt the man that calls the plays in KC. Charles received less than half the carries last season while splitting time with Thomas Jones. Now Dexter McCluster is being moved exclusively to the running back position as well. So they've got Charles for running between the 20's McCluster for the screen passes, and Jones for the goal line work? Watching Haley run the Chiefs offense this year is going to be like a bad Quenton Tarantino movie, like there is another kind. But hopefully without the massive amounts of blood.

Wide Receivers

Cream of the Crop: Calvin Johnson. I think Stafford stays healthy all year and honestly even if he doesn't I'm still not too concerned. The only thing I see stopping Johnson this year are the officials. Last year's Calvin Johnson Rule was maintaining possession of a touchdown pass until the towel boy took it from you as you entered the shower. What will they come up with this year? I can hardly wait.

Next in Line: Andre Johnson. Probably should be number one, but some slight injury concerns and the fact that his team actually has a running game as well drops him all the way down to two. And there is nothing wrong with finishing second unless you're running for a political office.

Fast Riser: Jordy Nelson. There are other flashier picks and with the way Green Bay spreads the ball around this one probably won't pan out. However, Nelson had 140 yards in the Super Bowl with four dropped passes. Nelson was picked before DeSean Jackson in the 2008 draft, so were Donnie Avery, Devin Thomas, James Hardy, Eddie Royal and Jerome Simpson, and both are in contract years. I expect a lot of yakking from both of them this season, only Nelson's yakking will be spelt YAC. Let the record show that in neither instance am I referring to the long haired buffalo.

Free Faller: Mike Wallace. Wallace ended last season on a fantastic run. He then disappeared in the playoffs, and at last check had yet to be spotted in the preseason. Now with Antonio Brown and Emmanuel Sanders poised to break out themselves it seems as though Wallace might have some stiff competition for passes in an offense that is built around pounding the football with Mendenhall. He predicted a 2,000 yard season this year, with 100 catches. My guess is the Mr. Wallace from 60 Minutes has as good a chance of reaching that goal as the Mr. Wallace who actually plays football.

And So It Begins

2010-04-22T18:35:00.032-05:00

Alright the draft is about to begin, and I being without cable tv am trying desperately to tune into the draft online. We'll see how that goes. But enough about me, the Rams pick first and I say, like everyone else, they take Sam Bradford. However, if they take the whole ten minutes to make their selection I am going to be pissed. You shouldn't get ten minutes on the clock, you've had four months. If nothings happened by now it isn't going to. Draft starts. You make your pick. And on to the Lions we go.

My pick: Sam Bradford
Actual pick: Sam Bradford

Boom one for one. Did anyone see if they used the entire ten minutes though? I was still trying to reconnect to the internet. And there it goes again. Oops its back, and the pick has already been made.

My pick: Suh
Actual pick: Suh

Don't judge me for getting this pick in late. I'm not a douche bag, I'm new.
The Bucs are up and everyone has them taking McCoy, the next Warren Sapp. Alright I'll bite. Bucs take McCoy, or trade down. Oh wait nobody wants to trade up and pay an unproven rookie more than Peyton Manning makes, touche.

My pick: Gerald McCoy
Actual pick: Gerald McCoy

Well my connection to atdhe is about as spotty as a windshield in a rain storm, either that or Deion Sanders has become a lot like Emmitt Smith in his reporting skills. Okay we're back. Good. I like John Gruden, not as a coach necessarily, but as an announcer and a reporter for ESPN bravo. It looks like McCoy is getting congratulatory man hugs. 3-3.

Now it gets interesting everyone had Washington taking Okung, until recently, now people are beginning to think Trent Williams from Oklahoma goes before him. I say.... Okung, he's just better than Williams. Wait maybe they trade down, oh yeah we've already discussed that.

My pick: Russell Okung
Actual pick: Trent Williams

Well we haves some time, does anyone else find it ironic that McNabb wants TO to come to Washington? Maybe he suffered a few concussions along with Westbrook last year. Do you not remember the sit ups in is drive way, or the "next question" interview with that one guy?

Wow they went with Williams. Um now that I'm no longer batting a thousand its time to start the bold predictions. So for pick number five I say the Chiefs take Jimmy Clausen.
Really?
Chris I know your upset with me right now, but in my defense I have no idea where you guys are going with this pick.

My pick: Jimmy Clausen
Actual pick: Eric Berry

It looks like the Chiefs, much to the joy of its fans are about to take a horse Eric Berry. Somewhere there is a Bronco fan who is really upset. But don't worry friend, Orton can't throw deep, and even if he could who is he going to throw too? Nah, Moreno will run him over. Just make sure he doesn't fumble in the process.

Who picks sixth? This is so unprofessional. Raiders? Wow, lets take a commercial break while I look this up. Dangit Seattle. The forgotten city. Didn't they use to have a basketball team? OHHHHHH. Seattle lost Walter Jones, I think, they lost Patrick Kerney for sure. I don't think there is a DE worth taking here, so I say they go with what most people consider the best linemen in the draft.

My pick: Okung
Actual pick: Okung

Well RO just got a phone call. Either someone pulling a mean practical joke or he's going to the 'Hawks. Tears of joy I'm guessing, and its off to the "Sleepless City."

Now its on to the Browns. I think most mocks had them takng Berry. Call me crazy, but I don't think he goes here. They need help just about everywhere, Holmgren says he has no interest in Clausen, who would make sense here, so I say QB is out, and lets put Dez Bryant there instead.

My pick: Dez Bryant
Actual pick: Joe Haden

And apparently they're going for a cornerback, I knew I should have at least mentioned Haden. From now on I give a plan A and B. They are discussing Haden or Kyle Wilson, please PLEASE take Wilson. Jon Gruden just said "nobody wants to trade with Mike, he knows what he's doing." Did he know what he was doing when he traded Green Bay Ahman "Ahmad" Green for Fred Vinson? If he did someone needs to file some tampering charges ASAP. And its Haden.

Off to number eight. This one's the Raiders, and I project they trade their pick to the Packers straight up. Better to pay a first round bust number 23 money rather than number 8. If Thompson decides trading up for a third straight year is much too risky and declines. Don't laugh, its possible. I say the Raiders take... Bulaga. Or maybe Mays or Campbell, but that's only because they're fast.

My pick: Bryan Bulaga, Jason Pierre-Paul
Actual pick: Rolando McClain

Wait the last time they took a left tackle from Iowa he sucked, scratch that, Jason Pierre-Paul, he does flips. That's exciting. Nope they take Rolando McClain. More disappointed Bronco fans I'm guessing. Mel Kiper doesn't like it. Well guess what Mel, I don't like you. That's mean and I only half meant it.

Pick nine Buffalo has to take Bulaga. If not Clausen, but I put my money on Bulaga. Their line was awful and he can play both sides of the line, although obviously not at once.

My pick: Bulaga
Actual pick C.J. Spiller

And they take another running back. Now I'm sure Spiller will be the next Chris Johnson who was drafted by the Titans after they had picked running backs the previous two years and apparently had no need. Good for you C.J. may your feet be Barry Sanders like swift.

Now its the Jaguars and they take Tim Tebow. They need to sell tickets

My pick: Tebow
Actul pick: Some DT from Cal

I have heard of the guy, just nowhere near the first round. I give you Tebow, you give us Tyson something second year in a row a Tyson is reached for.

Now our first trade of the draft. Broncos trade down with San Fran. And I'll go with Clausen as their pick.

My pick: Jimmy Clausen
Actual pick: Anthony Davis

Well my internet is skipping out. So I will continue to give my predictions, but my analysis will be coming later. ITS ALL HAPPENING SO FAST

San Diego Chargers
My pick: Ryan Matthews
Actual pick: Ryan Matthews

Eagles
My pick: Earl Thomas
Actual pick: Brandon Graham

Pardon my Dewey beats Truman moment

Seattle: Dez Bryant

Day One of Three

2010-04-22T16:04:00.003-05:00

The draft has arrived. Funny, with the new format I'll be able to use that very line when starting all my sentences for the next three days. Neat. Mock drafts are a joke. Trying to predict who your team is going to be at 23, when you're not even sure they will still be picking at that spot when it arrives seems like a waste of everybody's time. Even my time, and trust me I've got a lot of it right now. So instead of trying to randomly select who might fall to the Packers at 23, if we do indeed stay there, I will leave you with five players I want:

Russell Okung: big, physical and great at pass blocking.

Earl Thomas: Eric Berry will be better, but I'll take the dreads.

C.J. Spiller: other than his disproptionate set of teeth, what's not to like.

Demaryius Thomas: He hasn't worked out at all due to injury, but when I look at him I can't help but remember the last big name receiver to come from GT.

Sergio Kindle: supposed to be a better prospect that Orakpo coming out, and Orakpo was a Pro-bowler. However, when you get four of your sacks against the Raiders O-line, isn't that similar to using performance enhancing drugs?

Now I know three of these people are sure to be gone when we pick. And I'm not saying any of them are going to be great players. I'm not a scout. I don't know. I just listen to the analysts and based on what they've said, I'd take anyone of those guys. However, it seems Jerry Hughes, Taylor Mays, or Charles Brown might be more realistic, again according to the "experts."

I am done for now, however, I'd invite you to join me back here at 6:30 p.m. when I will project every pick, and give my instant analysis of whether or not the pick will be any good.

Ta Ta For Now

Once, Twice, Three Times a Packer [Win]?

2010-01-09T01:46:00.004-06:00

Its January, which means the weather is colder, fantasy football is over, and the NFL playoffs are about to begin. I realize I haven't posted about the Packers, or anything else since like week three of the NFL season, or in calendar terms... early October? But because of a neat little bro pact made with Rock and Force I am posting now. Not about the Packers and their season, that will come. Maybe. Don't hold your breath, but instead about how the playoffs will go down. I tend to get long winded at times, at least that's what I've been told so to keep this post under one thousand words I am going to try doing my predictions a little bit differently. I am going to name the teams playing. The team that will win. And the player that will have the biggest effect (or should it be affect) on the game. Let's start:

Round 1

Cincinnati v. New York
Cincinnati.
Okay I'm already bored with that idea. Cincinnati should win because NY can't throw the ball. Granted NY didn't need to throw the ball against the Bengals in their meeting last week, but that was in NY and Cincy had almost nothing to play for. Now Cincy is at home and NY loses in a tight contest.

Dallas v. Philadelphia
Dallas.
Force has given me crap about not rooting for my friends teams in the past and he is right. I have been trying to do better and I will attempt to prove that here. If the Cowboys stay committed to running the football they should completely overpower the smaller defensive line of the Eagles. McNabb needs time to be effective and DeMarcus Ware and Anthony Spencer should do a good job of making sure he doesn't get any of that (meaning time).

New England v. Baltimore
Baltimore.
The Ravens should have beaten the Pats earlier this year with Wes Welker. Now they don't have to worry about the 5'9 double W. It shouldn't be close, but since it is the Patriots and they are at home it will be. And I definitely won't be shocked if this one goes the other way. Oh and one more thing, Ray Rice. Just thought I should get his name in there.

Arizona v. Green Bay
Packers.
Real shocker I know. The Packers destroyed the Cardinals in two games this year. And yes, neither of those two games meant a dern thing. This one does, however, I still like the Packers chances. Warner is good agains the blitz, but I think we should be able to get to him without it, and if Boldin doesn't play that gives him one less weapon to throw to. To be honest, which I rarely am, I think this game is a blow out. Well let me put it this way. If the Packers win it will be by more than 10 points. If it's a close game I like the "birds" chances.

Round 2

Indianapolis v. Baltimore
Indianapolis.
I don't like Peyton Manning, and I don't like the Colts defense. But the Ravens aren't quite good enough to beat the number one seed in the AFC. And although it pains me, I don't see this game being all that close either. Yes Baltimore played them close during the regular season. And yes they probably should have won, but they didn't then, and they won't now. But I'll be pulling for them.

New Orleans v. Green Bay

I left the prediction slot of this game open on purpose. It was not a typo. This is the crossroads game. Do I pick the realistic choice and go with the Saints, or do I show my homer side and go with the Packers... Yup, going with the Packers. The Saints offense is much better then last year when the scorched us for 55 some points, but so is our offense, and although it does struggle against good passing teams I think our defense is good enough to cause NO problems. Our linemen are big and excel at getting into passing lanes and batting down passes, and last I checked Drew Brees was only 6'0 advantage Packers. I hope. (fingers crossed)

San Diego v. Cincinnati
San Diego.
The Chargers probably should win it all. With this being the year where Philip Rivers joins Big Ben and Baby Eli by getting a ring for himself. The Chargers have won 11 straight games including the season finale while resting their starters. Oh and one extra tid bit Cincy just happened to be one of the teams SD beat during their 11 game win streak.

Minnesota v. Dallas
Minnesota.
Sorry JR. It's not that I won't be rooting for the Cowboys, but I don't think they can win in Minnesota, and I kind of don't want them to because I think a NFC Championship game between the Packers and the Vikings would be off the charts incredible. So, I guess maybe I won't be rooting for the Cowboys... Man, I, well, its complicated. Vikings win and the NFL gets a belated Christmas gift with the Packers and Brett Favre facing off for a third time in the same season. Let's just hope the game isn't blacked out. OH BURN.

Round 3

Indianapolis v. San Diego
San Diego.
Peyton Manning struggles against the Chargers defense. And even though it hasn't been as dominating this years as in the past, it still is better than the Colts D, and for some reason they have Peyton's number. Also the Chargers are equipped with an offense that not only can keep up with the Colts, it might be most potent. Chargers in the Super Bowl where they will meet...

Minnesota v. Green Bay
Green Bay.
Yes I am a homer. But hey, my team is in the playoffs and how can I pick against them. I've said it since the second meeting with the Vikings, which at the time seemed like a long shot, that if the Packers and Vikings were to meet again in the playoffs the Packers would win. If the still had Al Harris I would be absolutely positive, but even without him and Aaron Kampman, and being on the road I think the Packers finally get to finish a game on top. Plus the Vikings find a way to lose in the Championship games even when they have the better teams. We've got a minute thirty and two timeouts lets kneel on it... DOH.

Super Bowl
San Diego v. Green Bay
San Diego.*
"What? You you're really going to pick the Chargers after you just made that speech about backing the Packers since they're in the playoffs and blah blah blah."
Well it's true I did sell out I guess, and here is why. I think the Chargers should win it all. I really do, I'm pretty sure the Packers aren't going to make it this far. So with what can I say I'm a sell out. I'm covering my own heine. Oh man, Forget playing it safe I say if we make it this far the heck yes we beat the bloody Chargers. Tomlinson is washed up and Philip Rivers throws like a girl. Shawne Merriman couldn't sack my Grandma and Antonio Cromartie will be the second corner back with that sir name to be used and abused by Aaron Rodgers in his domination of the 2010 playoffs. YEAHHHHHHHHHHH.

*Let the record show that, if the Chargers play any team other than the Packers in the Super Bowl then I choose them.

When Did This Happen?

2009-11-07T19:16:00.003-06:00

*I haven't blogged in months, so when I signed on to do my playoff prediction post I saw I still had this unfinished post about the start of the basketball season. I'm not sure where I was going with this, or if it is even finished but I figured I myaswell post it and I can add to it later if needed.

Ha ha Ryan you saw the new post and you thought it was going to be about football but I tricked you, and now... I had a whole funny line thought up for here but now I can't remember it, so let's just end with BURN

The NBA season has arrived, and like most shiny new "toys" it has succeeded in pushing the rest of the older, more experienced "toys" to the side. In this case the more experienced toys include, the NFL season, Entourage opinions, my new job, and of course poll questions. However, to be fair the poll questions have been dead for a while and will continue to be until I am able to catch up on my poll results section. I know I woudln't hol my breathe either. But enough of the old, its time to address the new. And who knows once the new shiny "toy" gets its first ding in it, translated the first time the Timberwolves lose, maybe it ends up in the junk pile with the rest of the old toys and A Yittle Chubby once again resumes blogger silence.

Alright, one last side note and then I promise to get ot the "toy." For those of you wondering where the other contributor of this blog has gone, she's kind of lost her way/passion. However, if you're reading this, since she undoubtedly won't be because afer al lits about sports and the only sport she cares about is footbal and Brett Favre beating the Late Great Green Bay Packers, I would encourage you to post multiple comments on some of the recent blog posts calling for a return of the Great Shawna "Blogging Wizard" Kolbek.

Okay back to the toy analogy.

After one of the busiest offseasons in Timberwolves history, the regular season has finally arrived. What has changed in the past four months? Well let's take a stroll down memory lane and find out...

It actually goes back to the middle of last season when the Timberwoles dismissed Randy Wittman of his head coaching duties (ha ha duty) and replaced him with Kevin McHale, who in turn gave up his GM responsibilities to focus strictly on coaching. And that set up this change reaction.

McHale starts coaching
Timberwolves start winning
Al Jefferson gets hurt
Timberwolves start losing
Sebastion Telfair gets hurt Wolves still losing
Randy Foye gets hurt, you guessed it, Wolves keep losing.
Offseason comes
Owner, Glen Taylor, hires David Kahn as GM
Kahn decides not to bring McHale back as HC
-Okay lets stop here just for a second. According to sports radio the reason McHale was let go
was because Kahn wanted to completely rebuild the roster and didn't know how McHale would
feel about standing on the sidelines watching as Kahn dismantled the porous team that McHale
had worked so hart to create. Ok back to the reaction.

*Disclaimer some of these deals happened a while ago and I'm not near a computer to fact check.
How can you not have a computer if you're blogging?
Can it wise cracker, I'm writing this the old fashioned way on a type writer because I don't have internet access right now and lugging around a type writer is easier than carrying a desktop computer- wait that's not right... laptop, its easier than carrying around a loptop. No than's wrong too.
Remember in "You've Got Mail" how Greg kinear was obsessed with his type writer, and Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks were rocking the laptops's? And remember when people used to prefer desktops to laptops? I think there's a lesson in here somewhere... End of disclaimer

Kahn trades Mike "Monkey Man" Miller, because he likes/ones monkey's not because he looks like one although I think it could go both ways, and Randy "Fourth Quarter" Foye to the Wizards for Etan "Pupils" Thomas, Darious "I haven't been relevant since my Kings years" Songalia, Oleskiy Pecherov, who ironically enough I wrote a human interest piece on earlier in my blogging years, which can be seen here, and the fifth overall pick in the 2009 draft, which turned into Ricky Rubio. That's right Washingtion you traded a bag of dirty laundry and Ricky Rubio, to get "Fourth Quarter" and "Monkey Man" too bad you don't have a rewind button.

Wolves draft Ricky Rubio (5), Jonny Flynn (6), Ty Lawson (17), Wayne Ellingtion (26), Nick Calathes (45), and Henk "with an 'E'" Norel (47)

Seeing Things Clearly Revisited: Four outta Five Ain't Bad

2009-10-07T14:51:00.003-05:00

Two Sunday's ago, I peered into the future and brought back these four predictions:
The 49ers would beat the Vikings.
If the Packers lost to the Rams, it would be Mike McCarthy's last game as Packers head coach.
The Twins would make the playoffs.
And the movie (referred to as movie on purpose) would be trash.

All last week, and then Monday evening, while conversing with Rock and Red I made two more daring predictions:
JerMichael Finley, and Clay Matthews would have break out games v. the Minnesota Vikings.

Well now it's time to look back and see how I did.

Vikings 49ers? Wrong. It looked so promising right down to the last seconds, and then Favre went all magical and rendered my prediction useless. However, considering few were giving the 49ers any love and they, the Niners, played nearly the entire game without their best offensive player, Frank Gore, I don't feel like a total fraud.

The Mike McCarthy Project. Well this was a conditional prediction. Luckily the Packers beat the Rams and my prediction was therefore irrelevant.

The Twins would make the playoffs. I should have been able to make this prediction weeks ago, when KFAN's Paul Allen predicted them dead in the AL Central race. But I didn't. I waited. I gave it some thought. And then when I realized the similarities between the 2006 Twins and this years squad, I knew it was destined to happen. And late last night it did. The Twins, down seven games to start September, and down three games with four to play, beat the Tigers in game 163 and advanced to the postseason for the first time since that 2006 miracle.*

The movie prediction. This was a gimme prediction because everyone knows this movie is going to be awful. Doesn't mean people won't rush out to see it, they probably will, but vampires don't sparkle they spontaneously com bust in sunlight. The girl playing the lead character looks like a pasty goth girl that went to my high school and played the violin. She also panted sad faces and tears on her face and wore leather necklaces and flannel along with her other goth clothes. And the character called Jacob looks like he has a mangina. And no I don't know what that is.

JerMichael Finley's breakout. If six catches for 128 and a touchdown isn't a breakout game I don't know what is. Mr. Finley, my fantasy teams thank you. Also did you know Finley has the same "Cock" hat that I do? UN-believable.

Clay Matthews. His game wasn't as flashy as Finley's, but it did include a forced and recovered fumble. One he ripped away from a stood up Adrian Peterson. And if that wasn't enough he then trotted 42 yards for a score. Consider yourself broken out.

Now what does one do when the hit on an unbelievable prediction streak like this. Well they either quit while they are ahead or they run and get some lottery tickets. Since I'm not 18 I guess I'll quit. Before I go I'd like to leave you with this. Please do not think of it as a prediction simply something to ponder. The last team that came all the way back to force a game 163 was the Colorado Rockies. They too one in extra innings on a controversial call. There were some controversial calls in the Twins last inning as well. Specifically in the top of the inning with Detroit at bat and the sacks full of Tigers. Well the Rockies prevailed bad call or not, and where did they end up that year? In the Series getting swept by the Red Sox.

NOTHING'S GONNA STOP US, NOTHING'S GONNA STOP US NOWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!

*More on the Twins and their postseason after tonights game. Which I will not be predicting a winner of because I kicked the habit.

Yesterday's Take. Five Days Late.

2009-10-02T12:54:00.005-05:00

So I guess I should have predicted one more blow out aye? Of course anyone that watched the game knows that the 36-17 score failed to show how close the game actually was. At one point in the third the Rams had the ball with decent field position trailing only by six at 23-17. But the defense stiffened, the offense showed some semblance of order for a couple long drives and at the end of the day we're 2-1. A shaky 2-1, but still 2-1. And how bout them Bengals? Maybe we're not as shaky at 2-1 as I thought. 2-1. 2-1. 2-1. Yeah it was getting a little old typing it too.

Positives and Negatives:

+ To the offense for putting up 36 points.

- To the offense for failing to score touchdowns on two possessions starting inside the opponents 20, because of defensive turnovers.

+ To the defense for creating three turnovers, blocking a field goal and giving the offense great field position all day.

- To Aaron Rodgers for missing a COMPLETELY wide open Donald Driver for a sure touchdown on their second chance from inside the 20.

+ To Aaron Rodgers for scoring three times: twice through the air, once by land or on the ground.

- To Ryan Grant not getting any of the touchdowns.

+ To John Kuhn scoring twice. Or in fullback talk, a career's worth. Maybe now we can trade one of our gaggle of FB's for a real position player.

- To Greg Jennings and Aaron Rodgers for only connecting twice.

+ To Greg Jennings and Aaron Rodgers for averaging over 50 yards a catch on those two completions.

- To Allen "Barbie." Two sacks for Leonard Little before the end of the first quarter. I don't know if they were both his fault, but I do know they both came from that side. Unacceptable.

+ To Donald Driver for surpassing Johnny Jolly for the catch of the year so far.

- To Jarrett Bush for showing up on the score card again due to a special teams penalty.

+ To Daryn Colledge not giving up a sack a LT.

- To Aaron Rodgers, with his hard ball spiking and first down taunting gestures. Please don't turn into an A-hole now that you're becoming moderately successful.

+ To Rodgers for going another game with out a turnover. Outstanding.

- To the defensive line for giving up another 100 yard rusher. At least this time it was to an elite back.

+ To Charles Woodson, the reigning NFC Defensive Player of the Month, getting another int.

- To Brandon Chillar for giving up back-to-back touchdown to the backup tight end.

+ To Jeremy Kapinos for averaging 50 yards per punt. Was it in a Dome, yes. But its not like we're praising him for making a tackle on special teams after a three yard gain.

Well I think that covers most of it. It is Friday, so that means I'm five days removed from actually watching the game so I may have missed a few things. We still got outplayed to start the beginning of the second half and that needs to stop, but we made some progress, which is good. Also for everyone worried about how Kyle Boller, their second string QB, started picking apart our defense calm down. Boller is a much more mobile QB and probably helped the Rams offense because he was able to move around in the pocket when it continually collapsed on him. Something Bulger could not do.

Oh and one final note, I'm not going to give him a + cuz he's supposed to be really good at rushing the passer and its only one sack, but good job Aaron Kampman, for finally getting the QB. Here's to many more.

Sometimes When We Touch

2009-10-02T12:03:00.002-05:00

Remember last week when I said I would be posting my predictions for the rest of the season sometime between then and the next Packers game, well I forgot. And I didn't, and for those of you who were curious I had the Packers winning handily v. the Bengals aaaaaaaaand they didn't. Congratulations Packers it has taken all of two weeks for you to go from sleeper Superbowl picks to second most overrated team behind the Patriots. Before the Bears game six of eight analysts from FOX and CBS had the Packers in the NFC Championship game. And four had them in the Superbowl. Predictions based solely on the teams performance in the preseason. But everyone knows preseason performances count for nothing. I played as many meaningful snaps this preseason as anyone on the Packers roster in terms of significance towards the regular season.

The Packers preseason performance made one thing clear, the Packers offensive line is good enough to give Aaron Rodgers time to throw only when facing vanilla versions of teams defenses. Unfortunately the vanilla defenses stop one the real season begins. And with the real season upon us, it is becoming perfectly clear that if the Packers want to be playing meaningful games in December they need to find A. a new offensive line, or 2. a head coach that knows how to win games with out one. Good luck finding either.

Offensive lines take some time to jell. So its not inconceivable to think that the Packers line could still put it together. However, the loss of LT Chad Clifton to an ankle injury certainly doesn't improve their chances.

Ummm With all of that being said, I now give to you my game by game predictions:

Please note, all Packers scores will be stated first, followed by the opponents. Also in order to at least try and stay objective my choices on winners are based on whether or not I would put money on said team to win. Example, would I put money on the Packers beating the Vikings in either game this year? No, that's why I have them losing to them twice. Do I think they can beat them? Well, I'll put it to you this way, the Packers are 1-1, well they were 1-1 when I started this post now they're 2-1, and I still think they could go 16-0 this season. Here's to objectivity.

Week 3: St. Louis Rams

Why they will win: The Rams are a NFL Europe team playing in the NFL. If the Packers don't win this game, it could be Mike McCarthy's last as head coach for the Packers. The Offensive Line, with a week to practice in their new positions should be somewhat improved over last weeks debacle. Offense is too explosive for the Rams defense. Rams offense is too one-dimensional to exploit Green Bays defense.

Why they won't win: Its the Packers first road game. Its in a dome which will make things tougher for an already beleagured offensive line. As a defensive coordinator Steve Spagnuolo thrives on disguising blitzes and bringing pressure on the quarterback. If Cendric Benson can rush for 140 plus yards against our offensive line, Steven Jackson might hit three bills.

Final Prediction: I've learned my lesson with predicting blowouts, so lets say 24-10.

Week 4: Minnesota Vikings

Why they will win: Aaron Rogers will step up his game facing his former mentor. Brett Favre will try too much and throw too many interceptions.

Why they won't win: Packers have always struggled in the Metrodome. The Packers offensive front five isn't good enough to block anyone on the Vikings front four. Adrian Peterson is better than four Cedric Bensons'. Brett Favre is playing "Game Manager" rather than "Gun Slinger" and won't give the Packers defense any turnover oppourtunities.

Final Prediction: Division game will keep it somewhat close, 10-28.

Week 5: Bye Week

Week 6: Detroit Lions

Why they will win: Its been a calendar and even seasonal year since the Lions have beaten anyone. If the Rams are an NFL Europe team, the Lions are a Division 5A High school football team, with newer jerseys.

Why they won't win: We've already lost to the Bengals. Bengals stand for Tigers, and Tigers are Baby Lions.

Final Prediction: Assuming Chad Clifton is back and the OL is healthy, 28-13 Packers.

Week 7: Cleveland Browns

Why they will win: The Pckers have too many offensive weapons for the Browns defense. Jamal Lewis is too old and slow to take advantage of our force-run defense. Brady Quinn looks almost as lost as JaMarcus Russel.

Why they won't win: Its on the road, Jack. And don't come back no more no more no more no more. It wouldn't be the first time we've lost to a team that had already lost to the Broncos. Their offensive line could give our defensive fits.

Final Prediction: 23-17 Packers win in the Dawg Pound.

Week 8: Minnesota Vikings

Why they will win: Its at home. It could be a big statement game. They should be healthier from when they met before.

Why they won't win: Brett Favre back at Lambeau.

Final Prediction: 17-20 Vikings.

Week 9:

Why they will win: The Buccaneers are a rebuilding team. Their secondary is old, slow, and not talented. Leftwich is turnover prone and statue in the pocket.

Why they won't win: Its tough playing in a warm Tampa Bay. Could be emotionally fateagued from the gruellying division match up the week prior.

Final Prediction: Rodgers does what he couldn't last year and plays the whole game. Packers win 28-17

Week 10: Dallas Cowboys

Why the will win: Its later in the season, meaning Tony Romo should be ready to suck. We finally get them in Green Bay which is a definite plus. The Cowboy's defense isn't good enough to stop Tampa, so it shouldn't be good enough to stop us.

Why they won't win: They never beat the Cowboys, even the year they became World Champions, they lost 21-7 in Dallas, on 7 Chris Boniol field goals. Nice name drop right. Is it the right name? I don't know.

Final Prediction: First big win for the Packers since week 1, 35-31.

Week 11: San Fransisco 49ers Home

Why the will win: The 49ers have been a little one dimensional in that they can't pass. If our defense can hold Frank Gore in check, we should be able to blitz Shaun Hill until his head starts spinning so quickly that it eventually pops off.

Why they won't win: The defense isn't good enough to stop Gore, which means Dom Capers head will likely be the one popping, that's what she said.

Final Prediction: Not the cakewalk I anticipated at season's beginning, Crosby finally comes through in the clutch 20-17.

Week 12: Detroit Lions

Why the will win: Its Detroit.

Why they won't win: It's in Detroit, I believe its Thanksgiving, which means some fans might actually show up and make the environment hostile.

Final Prediction: It shouldn't take three fourth quarter interceptions in Detroit this time, 31-17.

Week 13: Baltimore Ravens Home

Why the will win: Baltimore's defense hasn't looked as dominating as in years past. And their receivers are extremely nondescript.

Why they won't win: Joe Flacco is doing a lot of damage with his nondescript receiving core, and if McGahee is the starting running back by then they may have the ability to lean on the Packers a little.

Final Prediction: Got to give some close games to the opponents, 14-16, Crosby wide right.

Week 14: Chicago Bears

Why the will win: The Bears aren't as good defensively as they were a year ago. And I'm not sure they are as consistent offensively either.

Why they won't win: Jay Cutler isn't going to throw four more interceptions. And despite their shaky defense we still won't be able to run on them, and you can't pass this late in the year in the Windy City.

Final Prediction: Neither team will be able to throw, Cutler and his big ego will try, 17-13 on the strength of our defense.

Week 15: Pittsburgh Steelers Road

Why the will win: The Steelers lost to the Bears. We beat the Bears. That means we can beat the Steelers. In Math that's called a hyperbole.*

Why they won't win: Its on the road against the defending Champs, who after some early season jitters will finally be playing up to par. Will have Polamalu back. And will probably need this game more than us.

Final Prediction: In the end Roethlisberger will be able to make one too many plays, 10-17.

Week 16: Seattle Seahawks Home

Why the will win: The Seahawks are a good team that apparently can't stay healthy, and will be playing on the road. Winter in Green Bay is a lot different than rainy season in Seattle.

Why they won't win: Matt Hasselbeck has already predicted victory? Oh I miss the days of "we want the ball, and we're gonna score." It truly was a simpler time.

Final Prediction: Since we'll be playing against all their third string 28-17.

Week 17: Arizona Cardinals

Why the will win: We already dispatched of them handily in week three of the preseason. Which is the most telling of all the preseason weeks. Which we already discussed still isn't that telling. So calling week three the "most telling" week of the preseason is kind of like talking about which one of the Carebears is most realistic. ** Anyway back to the real world, Cardinals lost in the Superbowl, and have stunk it up early on. Even at home. We should win.

Why they won't win: Larry Fitzgerald and Anquan Boldin are very good receivers. We may go in to this game needing a win to get into the playoffs. Remember what happened to the last NFC North team that attempted that? Yeah and that was against a much softer Arizona team.

Final Prediction: In a defensive struggle I say, 34-27.

* Yes I'm being sarcastic.
** I'd say Scary Spice.

One last note for the readers out their. I began this post Thursday of last week. Before the Packers played the Rams, before the Steelers lost to the Bengals, and before the Lions won for the first time in over a year. So it's a yittle yesterdays take three days later, but I'm sure you'll still find it irritating :)

Kettle Colored Black

2009-09-30T13:55:00.000-05:00

Kettle Colored Black

2009-09-30T13:31:00.000-05:00

Seeing Things Clearly

2009-09-27T00:35:00.003-05:00

One More Time With Feeling

2009-09-24T18:22:00.004-05:00

I'm not sure how many of you read "The Doppler Effect," authored by Ryan "Rock" Christiansen, but if any of you do, you would see that he recently published a post about my "Look At Me Learning" post. Some might say he published a response, however I wouldn't say that, because I never said he was the "friend" to which I was referring in that particular piece.

Now Ryan I'm going to stop you right there, because I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, I've got you now because you did say it was about me. False I did not. If fact the only reason your name was in the post was so I could end with a positive. I never said I was ending with a positive in reference to the friend I was describing earlier. You assumed. Don't worry I forgive you.

But now onto the nuts and bolts of the matter. In your post you used Wikipedia. I'm not judging you, I think I may have used a definition from there as well. However, you used a quote from the "reinforcement" section, was it directed from the positive reinforment section? Maybe, was it a definition for positive reinforcement? No, it was a entry on reinforcement. So as informative as all your types of reinforcement were, they failed to really address the matter at hand. If I didn't know you better I'd say you were a democrat. Perhaps just a closet one?

Anyway enough of the nonsense that is Wikipedia, and stop it with the use of reinforcement's definitions to somehow justify that fact that you were just plain wrong, let's go to...

Drum roll please

Dictionary.com, stay with me Ryan, are you there yet? Okay now type in p-o-s-i-t-i-v-e-space-r-e-i-n-f-o-r-c-e-m-e-n-t-enter. If I lost you no worries, I cut and pasted the results.

Main Entry: positive reinforcement
Part of Speech: n
Definition: the offering of desirable effects or consequences for a behavior with the intention of increasing the chance of that behavior being repeated in the future.

I'd say the key words here would be "desirable effects or consequences." I know you just spent several years in Southern California, where maybe telling someone they suck is desirable, but here in America we see things differently, call me old fashioned, but compliments, candy bars, and ice cream are things that I consider desirable. Not being told how much I suck, and then being told I don't know the definition of a set of words, when turns out... I do. In the end that's what its about people. Never tell somebody they're wrong. And especially not if you don't know what your talking about ;). Do you see me standing her trying to tell you 8+9= 80. No, but trust me I want to.

As far as the rest of your argument, well it was good in that you used a lot of definitions that didn't really apply, but I think we touched on that, um what else. Oh yes saying that the person wanted me to throw more interceptions and that was why they were telling me I sucked? Big reach there, also irrelevant because I was throwing interceptions at a mind "bottling" rate, before the friend in question even mentioned the "s" word. So if that was their goal, to get me to throw interceptions, then they wouldn't have needed any reinforcement positive or negative at all to succeed, because I was doing it ad nauseam already.

As for the answers to your questions, I don't think I've ever had a friend tell me I was wrong. I think you just tried and failed though.

Yes I've had a friend write a 570 some word blog post.

Did one of my other friends laugh when they read it? Well now I'm not sure but probably, he's a pretty funny guy.

And mostly I'm glad that you don't have hurt feelings, or did you have hurt feelings. Or did you just say you had hurt feelings at the beginning and then change your mind and say you didn't have hurt feelings, cuz that is again, very democratic of you.

Tear

End with something positive? I've been positive enough lately.

If you're wondering what that sound is, that's me pounding the final nails into your BOXXXXXXXXXXX.

Peed Spelled With A "K"

2009-09-24T13:28:00.002-05:00

Just a quick note on the polls, sorry I didn't notice this sooner, but feel free to change your vote if this revision makes a difference. The first option is supposed to read, "I've peed my pants to the point of dehydration." Cuz when you're excited you pee yourself, for those of you who don't get it. Hope this helps. Ta ta

Look at Me Learning

2009-09-23T16:09:00.005-05:00

If I were forced to describe myself with one word, I would say that I am a non confrontational, intelligent, savvy, witty, cunning, resourceful, and diplomatic. With Hugh Jackman's ruggedness, Brad Pitt's boyish good looks, and a Kanye West sort of arrogance, oh and of course very straight forward, get to the point, no nonsense kind of guy. That's how I would describe myself, if I could only use one word.

Which is why I have chosen to handle the following situation in the following manner.

A couple weekends ago a friend and I were working our way through the "Madden Moments" section of Madden 10. Working on about three hours of unrestful sleep and approaching 3:00 a.m. I was basically calling whatever Madden would suggest, look at the first option the whole way down the field and if he wasn't open throw an interception.

My friend, being ever observant offered up this encouragement:

The following is a simulation of the actual conversation that took place that night.

Friend: "Man you're really sucking it up tonight."

Me: "Yeah."

Pause

Me: "Friend, I find that I would probably respond better to positive reinforcement, rather than negative."

Friend: "That is positive reinforcement."

Me: "It is."

Friend: "Do you know what positive reinforcement means?"

Me: "I don't know, I thought so, what does it mean."

Friend: "Okay, any sort of punishment- like if you were to do poorly on a test and I hit you for it. That would be positive reinforcement. Because you attribute the punishment with the poor results on the test."

Me: "Oh well I guess I don't know what positive reinforcement means."

Not wanting to dive into the matter at such an early hour, combined with the fact that I'm a math major not a journalism major and really have no idea what words do or do not mean, I decided to let the matter rest. But in the following days I began asking other members of my support group about what the term positive reinforcement meant. Still feeling, it was something closer to positive feedback when I did something good rather than negative feedback after doing something bad. After talking with two people and having them define PR much more like the way is what I found:

The giving of encouragement to a particular behaviour with the result that it is more likely to be repeated
en.wiktionary.org/wiki/positive_reinforcement

Positive reinforcement is a procedure whereby a student, contingent upon performing a specific behavior, is immediately rewarded to maintain or increase that behavior.
www.usu.edu/teachall/text/behavior/BEHAVglos.htm

Positive reinforcement is when you congratulate me for a completed pass, or a good run, rather than just saying "you suck" after I throw an interception.
C. Wallows

How do you tell someone you like that you were right and they were wrong. Do you do with with a dozen roses and some candy, do you make a joke about it, do you write a blog entry expressing their blunder to the world, or do you just not say it at all...

And now, in the spirit of positivity, something this blog has been said to have to little of, I will end with a compliment. How about a big shout out to Ryan Christiansen for driving the entire way home from Lincoln on Sunday night/Monday morning. Did he not trust my driving or was he just in the zone we'll never know, but at least now he knows it was greatly appreciated.

Look At Me (K)Now

2009-09-23T14:50:00.003-05:00

Second guessing is like playing poker with all the cards facing up. However, what I am about to do isn't second guessing, rather I'd like to think of it as more of a, "what were you thinking" guessing. The Packers have made several moves regarding their roster and even a couple play calls that I haven't been thrilled with since the end of the preseason. And I am now going to voice those concerns.

First on the agenda:

Safety Situation: How do you cut Anthony Smith. He should big play making ability and also showed he could stay on the field. Something Bigby, Rouse, and Jarrett Bush, if you want to throw him into this conversation out of pity, could not do. Now two weeks into the season Rouse is suddenly not good enough to keep, and funny he's injured again so you cut him. Bigby is out with a knee injury, and Jarrett Bush is crapping himself on ST's. No problem we'll just go get Smith back right? Well he will be playing in your next game, trouble is, he'll be playing for the other team. But that's fine I'm sure Matt Giordano will work out just fine. Especially since he's had all offseason to learn our complex defens- * Somewhere Darren Sharper is laughing- I take that back, not somewhere. On his way to the endzone, Darren Sharper is laughing.

Running Back Riot: We decided to keep three fullbacks, AND three tight ends. NO. Between those two positions you can have five players that's fine, sometimes as low as four, but never six. Well not never, because we just did it. Keeping three fullbacks and three tight ends caused us to only keep three running backs. Which meant we cut Tyrell Sutton. Remember him? The guy I predicted before preseason "wouldn't make our roster in a million years?" Well it turns out I was right. Even though everyone in the world knew he had earned a spot. We decided to stick with a hurt Brandon Jackson, and Deshawn Wynn. What happened to Sutton, he got picked up by the Carolina Panthers as their fourth running back. The Panthers who already have DeAngelo Williams, Jonathan Stewart and one more back still liked Sutton enough to sign him. Think they saw something we didn't? No, we saw what they saw, and then decided we'd rather have Deshawn Wynn, three fullbacks, and a converted linebacker as our third tight end.

Developmental Disasters: You don't cut a quarterback you drafted in the second round after one year and two preseasons. If you are that willing to give up on him then you should have never drafted him in the first place. The quarterback position takes time to learn, its not like blocking or rushing the passer. What is more irritating is the drafting of Brohm and Flynn last year helped play a part in the Packers not wanting Favre back, not a huge part, but still a small role. So you're telling me that Favre is a Viking right now because we wanted to give to keep a guy that one year later isn't even worth cutting an extra fullback for (translation, we didn't want to give up Brohm for Favre last year, but this year Brohm wasn't good enough to warrant keeping over any one of the three fullbacks we kept, that may have been confusing I apologize). Anyway apparently the Brohm is terrible because no one else in the NFL decided to sign him, so the Packers were able to retain his rights on the practice squad. Excuse my lack of excitement and/or praise for the risking move apparently paying off. Also with our fifth round pick this year we took Jamon Meredith as a project. Hoping he would eventually be the successor to LT Chad Clifton. Instead we decide to keep Evan Dietrich-Smith (sic) and we sign Meredith to the practice squad. Fast forward two weeks Clifton is out with an ankle injury and Meredith is now playing for the Bills.

Now I'm done with the front office bashing, its time to move to the players in a section called "what were you thinking."

What were you thinking Nick Barnett when you tweeted your dissatisfaction about not being in game for key plays down the stretch v. the Bengals, and then saying you were quitting twitter for now**. Barnett said quote, "Tough game!! Hard to get in The swing of things in a rotation.. Don't know why we are even in a rottion t this point.." I wouldn't know anything about getting into the swing of things while being in a rotation, but he nailed the last part. I don't know why the Packers are in a rotation at this point either, but Barnett is lucky they are because if they weren't he'd probably never see the field. Barnett isn't the best linebacker the packers have right now, he's arguably not even the best middle linebacker. Brandon Chillar is a better blitzer, and coverage guy, is he better against the run? Well I don't know, but if you watched the game Sunday you'd see that it was everyone who had trouble against the run not just one or two people. And all Desmond Bishop did in the preseason was make plays (yes I know we already covered how insignificant preseason stats are. Objection! Irrelevant. Sustained). Barnett is coming off of a significant knee injury one where it usually takes a year or two to get back up to full speed. Once he's at that point he probably won't be taken off the field, but he's not there yet.

And my final what were you thinking, Mike McCarthy decided to kick a field goal with 40 some seconds left late in the game because the Packers were trailing by 10 and would have needed a field goal to tie at some point anyway. Let's break this down point by point:

1. Your field goal kicker has struggled some to start the year, and had already missed on attempt in the game granted it was from 55 yards.

2. Yes people have kicked the field goal first before, but I'm guessing the didn't attempt in on second down. If you don't recover the onside kick, what good is three extra points.

3. If you score a touchdown and then get the onside kick you have the possibility of winning the game.

4. What would you rather have 40 seconds left on the clock and needing a touch down, or 15-20 seconds left needing a field goal. Apparently the Packers would rather have the former.

Anyway that's enough for now, but if I learned anything from my four years of college journalism classes its always end with a positive, so here it is. Granted Rodgers didn't do enough to win the game on Sunday, but he didn't turn the ball over, rather he simply ran out of time. WIth an extra timeout or even just a few more seconds I'd like to think that Rodgers at least gets that game tied. Last year he had trouble in the clutch, in a small sampling this year, he's already let us to one come from behind win, and against impossible odds came close to doing it again. I'm still excited about this guy.

* Let the record show that I am excited to see both Giordano and Derek Martin play, however this is due mostly to the inability of our previous safeties than my belief that either of these players will be the next Ronnie Lott, but still I am excited.

**This just in, Nick Barnett is still tweeting. Finley apparently quit twitter for a day too, before starting up again, gross. What happened to people saying something and then sticking to it.

There Goes 16-0

2009-09-23T14:16:00.003-05:00

Starting the season 1-1, not great but it could be worse. Losing to the Bengals isn't ideal, but it's still early. Having and offensive line that is more painful to watch than George W. Bush giving a public speech, that is a problem. I wouldn't have predicted a Packers loss to the Bengals if you'd given me a crystal ball, two days with Nostradamus, and access to a time machine. However, it happened and it can mean one of four things: the Bengals are better than I thought they were, the Broncos are better than I thought they were, the Packers are MUCH worse than I thought they were, or some combination of all three. As I will try to do after each game here are my +'s and -'s to the game (I know last week I did "yes" and "no" and yes Force I know you copied me and this isn't so I can be different than you, I just think this looks sleeker).

Closed circuit to Daniel Force, "Feel free too use my new system, the readers will love it. I guarantee it."

- (On losses you start with a negative, write that down). To the entire Packers team for getting so many penalties, particularly on special teams. I don't think the Packers have a good enough ST unit to win them ball games this year, although they should considering they kept around five players who's only contribution to the team will be on ST's, but apparently they are bad enough to lose a game for us. That part of the game has to get better. As does the offensive line, and our tackling, and our running game, and... Oh boy.

+ Charles Woodson, 21 of our 22 starters deserved to lose the game on Sunday. Woodson did not. He is the Troy Polamalu of our secondary. I'd say he's more impactful than Ed Reed. But maybe that's just because I picked him before Reed :)

- Jarrett Bush, remember when I said not to match the offer sheet. Didn't need him I said. Better off without him I said. Better off with only 52 men on our roster and a blow up doll I said. They thought differently, loved him on ST. Well after two false start penalties in less than a half of football, who's smelling like a rose now?

+ Cullen Jenkins, not only does he create plays in the back field but he also ran down a TE screen pass from behind and forced a fumble.

- Unfortunately the fumble was recovered by the Bengals, after it rolled far enough to pick up a first down, and oh by the way that happened on a third and 34. As in three holding penalties and a four yard loss.

+ Aaron Rodgers, has gone two games without out a turnover.

- Johnny Jolly, biggest hit he had all day came on a third down, when the Packers had the ball carrier stopped short of the first. Jolly running from behind the play plowed into the pile giving the runner enough for a first down and knocking Nick Collins out for the game.

+ Defensive line, for getting consistent penetration into the backfield.

- Defense, for failing to make tackles once they had penetrated through the line. On one particular third down and four, three Packers players failed to bring down Cedric Benson, one right after another, and allowed him to rumble for another first down.

+ To Mason Crosby and Tramon Williams, and their perfectly executed onside kick.

- To the offensive line, for allowing five sacks... To ONE person.

I think that wraps up most of the noteworthy highlights/low-lights of last weeks fiasco, however, I would like to give out one more "honorary" - to the referee's, with the disclaimer that I am in no way blaming them for the Packers loss, "Mr. Line Judge, how do you rule Carson Palmer's quarterback sneak a touchdown from your angle?" You were blocked from the play and the ball, not only never crossed the plane, but it wasn't even in Palmers hands when he made his last little lunge. At worst should have been fourth down, at best possibly Packers ball. And now Mr. Ball Spotter, how do you not spot the ball quicker on the last play of the game. If the Bengal players were impeding you from doing your job, fine I get that, but guess what you can flag them for that. It's called delay of game on the defense. Yes that is a real thing. No way should the ball not been spotted sooner on that play.

Sincerely,

A Bitter Packers Fan.

P.S. Mr. McCarthy, if you want to kick a field goal because you need one to tie anyway, that's fine, but don't kick it on second down.

Fri-Chick= Chic-Ketts (Or Director of Lighting Was on VaCa)

2009-09-14T17:18:00.000-05:00

Not So "Quick" Hits

2009-09-14T11:40:00.003-05:00

Remember when I said the Packers would put up 40 points and rout the Bears on Sunday Night Football? Me neither...

In my defense Rodgers missed on two wide open, surefire touchdown bombs one to Greg Jennings and one to Donald Driver. That would have equaled 14 points. Both Jordy Nelson and Donald Driver had a couple of huge drops that could have led to at least one more score. So, for those of you keeping track that would have put the score solidly at 42-15. Making my prediction not that far off. Only a couple of inches off in fact.

Of course the naysayers are probably saying, "yeah but you were only four Jay Culter interceptions away from being 0-1 and not winning at all."
Ha ha, you said four interceptions.

Can the Better Business Bureau investigate the Broncos, for clearly selling the Bears a defective and damaged product? I don't know, but I'm sure some Bears rube is looking into it as we- I type. Well that's it for the pre-amble now I would like to share some "quick hits"

Yes- To the Packers for not turning the ball over.

No- To Allen "Barbie" Barbre, as Force has accurately nicknamed him, for failing to resemble anything other than a wet blanket at right tackle. And for all of you on message boards and at the Green Bay Press Gazette and at CBS Sports, Oguenleye (sic)is not a premiere pass rusher anymore, so that doesn't make it ok (yes I know this "quick hit" got a little long).

Yes- To Jordy Nelson's kick returning ability. He looked a little awkward, but showed good balance and vision.

No- To everyone all over Brett Swain's Mullet for his "huge" play on special teams. Let's get something straight, Swain was kept over Ruvell Martin just because of his ability to play special teams. He probably won't even see the field on offense. So him making a tackle on a bone-headed, ill advised, momentum killing play call isn't something that should be talked about in reverence like he just found a cure for HIV (especially since anyone who is paying attention knows Magic Johnson has already done that). He's paid to make tackles on special teams, one. It was a terrible play call and had no chance of succeeding even if someone else were there in his place, two. And I'm guessing he was told to shift inside and watch against the fake and didn't think, hey I bet their gonna fake this, I'm gonna abandon my post out here and squeeze inside instead. JUST IN CASE. He made a one tackle on special teams. I know special teams often go unnoticed, but in this case the only real noticing that should be going on is what an awful call Lovie Smith made. If anyone should be praised, it should be Clay Matthews who clearly stayed on the field just long enough to bait the Bears into thinking they could catch the Packers with 12 men on the field. I know what you're thinking, "that's absurd." Exactly, and so is Knighting someone for just doing their job... Or being gay. It seems weird to me that so many homosexuals get Knighted (long I know, this is hard, that's what she said twice:).

Yes- To Johnny Jolly for saving a touchdown and making one of the plays of the year in the first game. Jolly - "For those of you who said I wasn't worth drafting in fantasy football... Look at me know, Look at me know." I also think he gave a personal shout out to Ryan Christiansen, probably the only person who had the foresight to draft a back up DE in a 3-4 defense in a six team league. Who's laughing now. Well Force is, cuz he's still beating you. And everyone else in the league cuz you started the Bucs defense :)

No- To Trammon Williams dropping like eight interceptions and then seemingly running out of gas at the bloody one yard line. Also a secondary NO, to Charles Woodson for A. Not holding the block at the three long enough to allow Williams to squirt through for a touchdown. 2. For not grabbing the ball from Williams and going in for the score, as Williams was falling out of bounds, and deciding rather to simply knock the ball loose and nearly causing it to go back over to the Bears.

Yes- To Aaron Rodgers for finally coming through in the clutch. He took a lot of heat last year, some deserved some not so much. But with a leaky offensive line, a third and one at the 50 and a couple of poor throws from earlier all staring him in the face he connected with Jennings and won the game.

No- To Nick Collins coverage on the Bears only touchdown. Collins while turning and jogging after the ball- "Somethin's wrong with me." And there was, mistral cramps.

Yes- To Dom Capers defense. Its not a dominating defense, yet. But forcing four turnovers, two sacks, and stopping the Bears cold, and then stuffing them again inside the five when the refs decided to call this one for the visiting team, is a major improvement over last year's scheme. Yes they leaked 350 some yards, but stiffened when they had too(again, that's what she said).

Well I could probably keeping going on and on but I've already made a mockery of calling this section "quick hits" so I'll go, but not before one final "hit"/ "rant."
How fitting was it to see Urlacher forced to watch the second half of the game because he was out with an injury, one that unfortunately for the Bears will keep him out all season. Early in the game Urlacher had a free run and hit on Rodgers that was not helmet to helmet, nor shoulder to helmet, nor anything to helmet, but absolutely was two or three seconds after the ball was delivered. Collinsworth (the announcer next to Al Michaels, who took the place of John Madden) deemed the hit legal because it wasn't "helmet to helmet." Ah if you hit the quarterback a minute after the ball comes out it doesn't matter if you gently touch "tips" its a late hit. Urlacher, you cheated and now you can't cheat anymore this season. Okay he didn't cheat but he tried to lay a hurtin' on Rodgers and in the end he was the one left crying (he and Jay Cutler). Thank you Buddha. Thank you Jewish god.

Do you see what I did there?

Superbowl Home Boi

2009-09-13T18:55:00.002-05:00

Thursday afternoon found me humming the Monday Night Football theme song in anticipation of the Steelers v. Titans game. Yes I know we've all see the commercials and said, "that's so retarded nobody really does that." But trust me they do. I know I've done it. And I don't even like the Steelers. Or the Titans. And it wasn't Monday Night Football, it was Thursday night. Anyway not the point. After a long gruesome day of watching the Vikings look poopy for a half and then blow out the Poops, no wait the Browns, same thing. Watching Jason Campbell run for his life v. the Giants defense (how bad was it? At one point he ran five yards past the line of scrimmage and then tried to pass the ball. Worse yet, he threw it to the "blue" guys. NOOOOO}. Watching Peyton Manning and the Colts sneak away with a close one v. Jacksonville. And finally watching Brandon Stokley catch a ball tipped over three defenders, by another defender and then scamper 87 yards for a game winning touchdown, with only 11 seconds left, I realized I just wasn't going to have enough time to right an entire season prediction column before the start of the Packers v. Bears game. So I will just give you my prediction for tonight, and then give you the rest of my picks at a date TBD (I did on fist punch for each letter T... B... D... thought you should know). I just saw and article that says Lovie Smith is 7-3 v. the Packers since taking over as the Bears head coach and proclaiming one of his goals was to beat Green Bay. Our defense was awful last year, and with the addition of Jay Cutler the Bears offense is supposed to be improved. However, Dom Capers and the 3-4 should help our D. And with our crap squad from last year we still managed to put a 34-3** pounding on the Bears on our home field last year. The Bears defensive secondary is supposedly inexperienced and depleted. Tommie Harris has be slow coming back from knee surgery? and the real Aaron Rodgers Era starts tonight. I don't believe in predicting the score, but I'll say 48-17, cuz I'm a rube and every bodies undefeated going into week 1.

*The watching may not have occurred in this particular order.

**Actual score may vary.

Seventy-Five, then Fifty Three, Somebody Please Try Stoppin Me

2009-09-05T03:32:00.003-05:00

Thursday night was significant for two reasons: first my brother and his wife welcomed a new member into their family, and secondly and more importantly it ended the 2009 version of the Green Bay Packers preseason. Okay, maybe the first one was a yittle more important.

With the end of preseason come final roster cuts. Everyone and their slightly mentally handicapped step children have their opinions on who will be staying and who will be going. I, like any other retarded step child have my opinions, but I wasn’t sure whether or not I would be sharing them with all of you. That was until I caught the Packers post game report and heard the host say Brad Jones, T.J. Lang, and Jarius Wynn would all be cut. “And then he burst into flames.” He flirted with declaring Quinn Johnson’s roster spot dead too, but fortunately for him he stopped short on that one. I’m not sure if it was because of his heinous attempts at roster prediction or the semi-lateness of the hour, but after his proclamation of who was “in” and who was “out” on the Packers roster he spent the rest of the night telling listeners to call in because, “the lines are wide open.” And they would stay that way for most of the night. If Tit’s McGee can have a post game radio show where he publically humiliates himself while trying to predict the Packers final roster I figure the least I can do is humiliate him some more on my blog and then help set the record straight as to who is actually on the way out, which is what I will do now:

♦ Receivers (5): Greg Jennings, Donald Driver, James Jones, Jordy Nelson and Ruvell Martin. Ruvell Martin was the only one even remotely in danger here, and he had a solid preseason finale, combined with the lack of any real competition save last year’s seventh round pick Brett Swain. In the end Swain comes up short and Martin makes it an even five.

♦ Running backs (6): Ryan Grant, Brandon Jackson, DeShawn Wynn and Tyrell Sutton. Fullbacks Quinn Johnson and Korey Hall. If not for Brandon Jackson’s injury I could see the Packers going with just three RBs and in that scenario I wouldn’t have been surprised if the last man in was Sutton over Wynn. I proclaimed that Sutton had no chance to make the Packers final roster when the signed him, and he spent the entire preseason shoving my foot further and further into my mouth. Yes, I’ve had crow before, and this one tastes fine. The Packers like all three of their fullbacks, but I don’t think they can keep all of them, unless they decide to go with two tight ends which I think they should, but don’t see happening. So, Johnson is unpolished but is every bit as big as Kuhn, Korey Hall is plenty good enough to start until Johnson is ready, and Arizona expressed interest in Kuhn during the offseason and currently only have one fullback on their roster, so I say the Packers try to ship him to AZ for whatever they can get. Probably two firsts and Larry Fitzgerald, but they may have to settle for Boldin.

♦ Tight ends (3): Jermichael Finley, Donald Lee, and Spencer Havner. I don’t think Havner should stick, but his versatility combined with him being on almost all the number one special teams coverage units probably means he sticks, unless they bring in a tight end off of waivers. I wish they’d just go with two, but I don’t see it happening.

♦ Offensive linemen (9): Chad Clifton, Daryn Colledge, Jason Spitz, Josh Sitton, Allen Barbre, Scott Wells, Breno Giacomini, Jamon Meredith, and T.J. Lang. The last man in here is Meredith. Unlike the misguided mouth breather on the radio said T.J. Lang’s position is probably the most set in stone after the five starters. Most people have the Packers keeping Tony Moll over Meredith and think the Packers will try to stash him (Meredith) on the practice squad. Moll makes over a million dollars this season and really doesn’t have a position he excels at enough to warrant keeping him on as a future starter, Meredith does have that kind of potential, and also comes much cheaper. If they keep Moll and sneak Meredith through waivers more power to them. I however, wouldn’t risk it. Also the Packers have been reportedly shopping Tony Moll’s services why would anyone want a Moll on their team? I don’t know.

♦ Defensive linemen (6): B.J. Raji, Cullen Jenkins, Ryan Pickett, Johnny Jolly, Michael Montgomery and rookie Jarius Wynn. The only way this could get tricky is if Justin Harrell isn’t put on the IR. If he isn’t he could force Wynn out. However, Harrell hasn’t proven he can stay healthy, nor has he been as effective as Wynn, when he has been on the field. I think the Packers IR Harrell and give him one more year to try and get healthy and in the mean time Wynn comes up as the big winner.

♦ Linebackers (9): Aaron Kampman, A.J. Hawk, Nick Barnett, Brady Poppinga, Brandon Chillar, Desmond Bishop, Clay Matthews, Jeremy Thompson and Brad Jones. I think this group is pretty much set, the only change could be if the Packers decide to only keep eight linebackers as opposed to nine. I don’t see it happening. The Pack seem to have a plethora of depth at the linebacker position and in a 3-4 defense that is invaluable. None of these players gets cut. The only way the group changes is if the Packers decide to trade from their position of strength. Remember when we did that with Corey Williams, ohhhhhhh, not so good.

♦ Defensive backs (9): Al Harris, Charles Woodson, Tramon Williams, Will Blackmon, Aaron Rouse, Nick Collins, Atari Bigby, Pat Lee, Anthony Smith. This is where I know I get at least one spot wrong, most people have the Packers keeping 10 DBs and everyone has them keeping Jarret Bush because of his STs prowess. I think Jarret Bush is the second most overrated “Bush” in the world so I hope if the Packers only keep nine DB’s he’s the odd man out. He can’t play corner or safety and we can replace him on STs with some of our additional LBs. Apparently the Packers were said to be shopping Aaron Rouse though, so that doesn’t bode well for him. My bold prediction here, we trade for another safety. My choice Michael Huff from Oakland. He’s never lived up to the hype out there, and I’m not sure if he’s even a starter now. Just three years removed from going number seven overall. I hope we make a play for him maybe by trading one of our LBs. Also Bigby, Smith, Lee, and Rouse are all banged up, so I don’t see how the Packers feel comfortable with that situation. Add on top of that the fact that Bigby has been almost non-existent this preseason and Anthony Smith tends to run hot and cold the Packers safety situation is far from settled.

♦ Specialists (3): Kicker Mason Crosby, Brett Goode, and Jeremy Kapinos. Why don’t we teach one of our back-up linemen/linebackers/tight ends how to long snap? I know it’s an important position, but with some of the talent we’re going to have to cut Brett Goode just cost us Kregg Lumpkin/Brett Swain/Spencer Havner/ Brandon Underwood/ Jarret Bush

♦ Quarterbacks (3): Aaron Rodgers, Matt Flynn, and Brian Brohm. It’s easy, Flynn is the number two but is currently hurt, and you don’t give up on a second round pick after two preseason’s. Especially if that second round pick is a QB. And especially not if he was projected by many to go as high as round one. All the Packer media who whined about Brohm’s slow progression and questioned his roster spot security, SHUT IT. There was actually an article on the Green Bay Press Gazette’s website that said, “Packers pass on O’Donnell to stay with Brohm.” Kevin O’Donnell was a third round pick in the same draft the Packers took Brohm. O’Donnell was released by the Patriots because he sucked. So why on God’s green earth would the Packers drop Brohm who has been in this offensive system for going on two years and replace him with a QB taken after him in the safe draft, who is unfamiliar with their offense and who struggled as much as Brohm. What kind of story is that? Its like the “Family Guy” episode where they’re doing the news and Tom Tucker says, “Can eating babies actually cause AIDS… Studies show it does not.”
Or something like that, I think you get my drift. Congratulations Green Bay Press Gazette that was very ESPN of you.
That’s all folks. Roster cuts are due in by Saturday afternoon so make sure you check it out, see how I did. Fullback, tight end, and defensive backs are the three I may have missed on, I mean I’m sure I didn’t, but I could have. Probably not, just there’s a possibility. I mean not a really big one, just like a tic tac sized chance.

From the Top Everyone

2009-09-03T08:31:00.003-05:00

The video blogs that were just posted, were posted in chronological order from top to bottom. Meaning if you want to start at the beginning start at the top, not at the one that says it was posted first. I thought this would make more sense, but I may have out thunk myself. So here's a yittle heads up.

First Attempt

2009-09-02T22:56:00.004-05:00

Two's A Party, Three's a Crowd, Four's a Fiasco

2009-09-02T06:09:00.002-05:00

Inglorious Basterds

2009-09-02T05:56:00.000-05:00

Let's Recap

2009-09-02T04:09:00.000-05:00

Funny People; Take One

2009-09-02T03:20:00.000-05:00

Funny People; Take Two

2009-09-02T01:14:00.000-05:00

You Do the Math

2009-08-27T06:54:00.003-05:00

Explain something to me, Michael Vick orchestrates a dog fighting ring, lies about his involvement to the commissioner of the NFL. Not to a judge, not to a jury, not even under oath I don't believe and he gets two years? Or something like that in prison. Plaxico Burress brings a gun into a night club, trips while walking up the stairs and shoots himself in the leg and pleas down to two years in prison. Donte Stallworth, drunker than Linsey Lohan at a lesbian spring break party in Mexico, (cuz you have to drink beer down there cuz you can't drink the water, and yes I know she's a little old for a SB in Mexico but stay with me) decides to get behind the wheel of his vehicle and run over a pedestrian, who's injuries turn out to be fatal. Lets quickly recap. Vick was the bank roll for an inhumane dog fighting ring and lied to the NFL commissioner got a year or two in prison. Burress shoots himself in the leg with a gun pleas down to two years in the clink, Donte killed a guy so how long does this character spend in a barred up cell? Somewhere under 30 days.

I'm sure there's a life lesson in there somewhere, give me a second while I try and figure it out...

Okay I give up.

Yes Stallworth's case was an accident. So was Plaxico's. You think we he tucked his gun in his waist band that night he thought, I think I'm a shoot me a black dude tonight and then to his surprise and horror the black guy turned out to be him? Probably not.

Vick, sure his was premeditated, but guess what, no humans were killed or even harmed for that matter, so I'm sorry PETA dogs are fine, but they don't equal the loss of a humans life. And I know Roger Goodell probably thinks he's a pretty important dude, but I'm not sure lying to him is enough to warrant an extra year and however many months.

Yes I know Stallworth has been suspended for the entire NFL season and can't drive again until corn replaces strawberries as the worlds favorite red colored fruit. Doesn't matter, he lost thirty days of his life to prison. The other two lost years. That makes about as much sense as shaving your legs because you hate facial hair. Think about it.

And You Thought We Forgot

2009-08-19T03:46:00.002-05:00

I'm sure all of you are wondering where the new poll questions are. Well here at "Chubby" we're going through some transitioning stages. No we didn't forget about them, we're just debating as to whether or not we should continue with the weekly polls every week. Its just very predictable and easy to predict. We'll get this figured out soon. Your patience, like your followship (do you see what I did there) is appreciated.

It's the End of the World as I Knew It

2009-08-19T03:22:00.001-05:00

I had two goals in life. First to be rich and famous, and B not to work a day in my life. While, eight months after my dismissal from Union College (that’s my way of saying I graduated, but also it sounds a little bad ass) I have been forced to revise my life goals and am now officially on the prowl, career wise. I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t a heck of a ride, and honestly, between friends, (that’s what I consider you, readers of this blog, my friends) if it wasn’t that everyone else in the world was working I think I could have pulled it off. Trouble is the days get pretty boring when everyone else is at work and you’re sitting at home in your underwear. I know I never thought I’d being saying that, but turns out it’s true.

So since I am much too lazy- wait scratch that. Since I am far too busy with… my stories to actually look for and apply for jobs, which is apparently what it takes these days, I thought I would let you faithful blog readers know of my quest. That way if you knew of any or had any job opportunities available, you could do your favorite blog author a solid and recommend him for the position.

Right now you’re probably thinking, well Caleb of course we would love to help but what kind of things are you good at doing?

I’m way ahead of you friends. In fact I’ve created a list of things that I am jolly good at, and here they are:

Playing video games

Sleeping

Making potato salad (well no one has actually confirmed this but I think its swell)

Making stuff up

Procrastinating

Throwing clothes on the floor

Piling dishes in and or around the sink

Putting the toilet seat down after I’m done in the bathroom

Cutting watermelon

Spending money

Imagining things

Watching movies

Listening to music

Rambling on and on

Arguing

Sharpening pencils

Eating haystacks

Shooting at, but not hitting, clay pigeons

Finding golf balls

Making excuses

Flexing

And finally wearing women’s clothing

As you can see I possess very unique and valuable skills so I’m sure one of you has something I would be more than qualified doing.

Did I put a lot of time into the making of this list?

Absolutely I did, because someone once said, “If you want to find a job, you just have to make finding a job your full time job.”

Touché.

Oh one more thing let the record show I am not opposed to getting money for doing nothing, however that still wouldn’t solve the monotony of the endless afternoons while everyone else is off at work. Just wanted to clarify.

I look forward to hearing from you soon (that’s what they tell you to say).

It's All Downhill From Here

2009-08-08T01:56:00.004-05:00

This is a direct quote from Chris Mortensen:

"Clay Matthews is the son of Clay Matthews Jr."

Now I know what you're thinking,

"Caleb give him a break he clearly just mixed the two names up."

To which I would respond,

"Up is a preposition, so stop that nigga."

Could I cut them some slack?

Yes.

Should I?

Probably.

Will I?

No.

And I'll tell you why. I stopped giving ESPN breaks on their half witted attempts to cover the sports world when they decided to stop reporting the news, and instead started trying to create the story.

Yes we've seen it all summer with Brett Favre, and now they're doing it with Michael Vick.

Is it their job to report the news?

Yes.

Is it their job to create news from nothing?

No.

What's worse this or their nauseating coverage of Barak Obama?

I have a feeling we'll be seeing this question again.

Kimball, NE... DEAD

2009-07-22T00:09:00.004-05:00

Shawna and I start for California today. I will refer to it as California for the rest of the references and never will I shorten it to Cali, cuz I said that like twice and I threw up a yittle bit in my mouth. That avacado eggroll definitely tasted better the first time.

So here's the play-by-play from day one.

5-6 Our journey begins, we got to the gas station down the street. Stopped for ice and Shawna realized she had forgotten two of her tank tops. Good, GOOOOD. Stopped at Kohls to try to find an outfit that would cost me less than $75 strike one, tried to find some fancy sun glasses strike two. And so rather than risking a strike out, we left. Scratch that, Shawna did find a super awesome massive black hole T-shirt. I don't want to over sell it but... Home run. Started the trip off with some recycled pasta that I rescued from the bottom of Shawna’s refrigerator. Tasted like saucy. Mmmmm.

6-7 This leg of the trip was spent sun tanning by me, and talking on the phone for Shawna. Apparently Shelli is more interesting than this guy. It took me awhile but I finally figured out the FM transmitter on the GPS we are using. So far Tommy, I call the GPS Tommy because I have a good vibe with him, has been good not great. After figuring out how to work the transmitter I loaded it up with all my favs and now we have beautiful music to listen too. Tried to take a picture of the York water tower… swing and a miss. Almost got pulled over for speeding. Yes Shawna five miles over is still speeding.

7-8 Done with the music and phone for awhile, Shawna and I discussed the new legislation passed by the state of Kansas. Apparently in that “great” state it is now illegal to drive in the left lane on the freeway unless you are passing someone. GAY. We busted out the Cheese Nips, and Shawna had some water. I’m not going to tell her, but I really have to pee. I’ll be derned if I have to stop before her. I’m a man, I’m half way to 40. Tried to take a picture of the “Gateway to the West” bridge… swing and a miss. 0-2

7-8 No this is not a typo, apparently we lost an hour on our trek out west. If we continue losing an hour for every three we travel I have a feeling this trip is going to go much faster than I had originally anticipated. We made our first stop. It was for gas, and Shawna had to pee. I didn’t have too, but decided since we were already stopped I myaswell. We just finished a mix CD that Shanell made for Shawna… swinging bunt. I’m driving now. I KNOW, Shawna was supposed to drive the whole way. Oh well I’ll just make her pay for everything. BOOM

8-9 Hour four or five is here and its pitch black outside, except for the sunset, my headlights, the headlights of the cars around me, and the lights from the city. About 10 minutes into hour four we passed a feedlot which smelled like stank. Thirty minutes later I was still wafting in its glorious aroma. Flashbacks of driving through Oklahoma, not good. Tried to get a picture of a tall green Cabela’s poll… swing and a foul tip. Destination Kimball, NE less than an hour away, and thank goodness because I’m not sure how much more I can take of these radio station choices: 79 country stations, 5 Baptist ministers telling us to repent and 2 classic rock stations. YAY.

9-10 Stage one of our journey is now complete. It’s just after ten and we have arrived at our motel. Thankfully it was visible from the freeway, because according to TomTom Go 720 GPS there are no Super 8s in Kimball, NE. Rooms turned out to be ten dollars more expensive than we were told. That’s what you get for planning ahead I guess. Also one of the bathrooms does not have ceiling tiles in it. Can somebody say Erin Andrews creeper? Could rant a yittle bit about the sudden increase in price, but I’m a lover and I’d rather be doing other fun things than blogging all night. What kind of fun things? This place has a flat screen TV and free HBO, I think you know where I’m going with this.

Ta Ta for now.

*Pictures to follow soon.

Third Times the Charm

2009-07-20T13:45:00.000-05:00

Take Two

2009-07-20T13:08:00.000-05:00

We've Only Just Begun

2009-07-20T12:46:00.002-05:00

Tater Salad

2009-07-20T02:20:00.004-05:00

In the Mood

2009-07-03T14:23:00.003-05:00

So, its definitely been 2 months since my last post! How embarrassing...
If there is enough interest, I will post what I have been working on since May 12: my group project for a social welfare planning class (its probably a little boring :) ) . The project was very interesting, although tedious and at times overwhelming. I learned a ton about strategic planning, monitoring a programs progress, goals/objectives, budgeting, program evaluation, etc. Hopefully, this will be invaluable for my future career. It was a tough class for sure and I am relieved that it is over!
Now, I am in Topeka for the 4th of July weekend. I took a few days off to spend some time with my sister who was in town for a few weeks. We went to World's of fun yesterday which was SUPER fun!
Now, headed to a few fireworks stands to get some goodies for tomorrow!
Happy Fourth of July! :)

Here We Go Again

2009-06-24T22:49:00.002-05:00

Well, Wednesday was supposed to be a busy day for the T-wolves. And perhaps it was. However, I was under the impression that the term "busy" meant they would be wheeling and dealing and by the end of the day we would have a better idea of what exactly their plans were for this draft. Instead Wednesday was extremely nondescript. Perhaps the Wolves were burning up the phone lines in an attempt to make a trade and perhaps they will, but for now it appears that Wolves fans, well myself specifically got all lathered up for nothing.

Rumors yesterday were swirling that the Wolves might be trying to move up and pick not just Rubio but also Thabeet. Now it seems unlikely that they will move up at all. Add on to that the fact that after listening to KFAN from 3-6, suddenly I'm not sure the Wolves should draft either player. Originally this draft was supposed to be three players deep: Griffin, Rubio, and Thabeet. Now all of the sudden Thabeet is to slow and lean to play center in the meat grinder that is the National Basketball Association. Rubio, who was originally thought to be 6'5 now is curiously only 6'2 and without a jump shot or any desire, and possibly the physical tools to guard anyone on this level. Dan Barreio (spelling) congratulations you have rhuined draft day for me.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not a big fan of Barreio, and I'm not sure he has any idea what he is talking about, but he certainly has a way of creating doubt and insecurity in a young mind that to that point was extremely excited to see the way everything would unfold. Now either we trade up and draft one of these apparently overrated prospects, or we stay at five and six and gamble on two players who I have every reason to believe will flop like nearly every other lottery pick the Wolves have selected. Plus if we're going to stay at five and six and try to build up our back court there, we had no business making that trade with Washington. Think about it, in essence we traded two established NBA players for an expiring contract, a former first rounder who has done nothing, a slightly more gifted version of Brian Cardinal and an unknown college player.

Give me a break. Honestly at this point I don't want to trade up- scratch that. I want to stay where we are and see if Rubio or Thabeet fall to us at five. If neither one does then I want to trade down and get as many picks as we can between seven and, oh, 15 and then go nuts. Draft DeRozan, Curry, Evans, Holiday, Jennings, Clark, Hill anyone we can. Basically I want to turn our four first round picks in to as many lottery picks as possible and therefore increase our chances of getting at least one solid player. Am I foolish for doubting the new Timberwolves GM before giving him a chance to prove himself? Maybe, but let's be honest, in interviews he sounds like he has no master plan, except that he wants to make the team better. DUH. But could you enlighten us on how you plan on doing that? Perhaps he does have a master plan and he just doesn't want to lay his cards on the table just yet, if that's the case, fine. But until I see that he has one [a plan] I am going to be skeptical.

Oh and one final thought on David Kahn, I watched his press conference today, announcing the trade between the Wolves and the Wizards, and David Kahn is absolutely that crazy guy from Seinfeld. You know the one, he dates Elaine for a while and then she finds out he's a weirdo and sprays him with Binaca to get away from him at his apartment. And he [the crazy guy] is sure she is cheating on him with someone else, and finds her with Jerry, who he is already threatening to harm, while they [Jerry and Elaine] are waiting outside a theatre. Do you know the guy I'm talking about? Well he's super creepy in that episode, and I don't think I've seen him in anything since that, but apparently he has the credentials to be an NBA GM because I'm 92% sure he [the crazy clown costume wearing guy from Seinfeld] is currently the Wolves new GM.

Oh Boy.

Look at Me Now, Look at Me Now

2009-06-24T11:13:00.005-05:00

Kfan.com is reporting, via Mark Rosen, via an unnamed source, that the Vikings and Brett Favre have reached an incentive laden contract number. BOOM. However, since no one has actually confirmed this pick, and given ESPN's, yes I know Mark Rosen doesn't work for ESPN but still, trouble getting stories right when quoting "unnamed sources" I actually believe this. Why?

Because my Uncle told me on Sunday, I think, that the jersey making companies were given the okay to make #4 Favre jersey's. Why is that a big deal?

Ah, Kobe Bryant had to pay a large sum of money to said jersey making companies when he wanted to switch from 8 to 24. Chad Johnson, yes I'm gonna keep calling him Johnson to piss him off, changed his name right before last season but the league made him keep Johnson on the back of his jersey because the league had already produced #85 Johnson jersey's.

So in a nutshell I'm willing to believe this rumor based strictly on the fact that the League has given the okay to make Favre jerseys and with their recent trade record that is not a an order they would give unless certain Favre was on his way to donning a Purple #4 jersey.

You've Been Kahn'd

2009-06-24T04:17:00.004-05:00

First things first, I didn't think of that title I saw it on a message board and decided to run with it in this the initial post of the David Kahn error (oops that was supposed to be era, is that a bad omen? Nah its probably just a result of my trying to type while extremely sleepy).

Kahn was hired to be the Wolves new GM this offseason. I couldn't tell you the exact date and at this point I don't think that really matters. Kahn's first order of business was to determine what to do with last year's head coach Kevin McHale. He decided against retaining him. In doing so he finally ended what has to be one of the worst GM/Head Coaching tenures in the history of sports. What is even more remarkable about the McHale fiasco is that Forbes magazine named him the best GM in sports, ALL SPORTS, like three years ago. Perhaps Forbes should stick to finances or whatever it is they usually prattle about.

As much as I loathed McHale the GM, I thought he was a decent head coach, and he was definitely someone the players liked. However, as much as I would have liked to see him given another shot to lead the Wolves, in reality it would have never worked because McHale would have undoubtedly found it difficult to sit by and what as Kahn dismantled the team that McHale had spent the last decade trying to build. If McHale had never been the GM or perhaps wasn't such good buddies with Wolves owner Glen Taylor he may have gotten another shot, but those two factors combined with the fact that the McHale coached Wolves, though better than the squad coached (and I use that term loosely) by Randy Wittman, were still a team that finished with the fifth worst record in the NBA, proved to be too much to overlook and he was shown the door.

And now to the exciting news: David Kahn's first trade as GM of the Wolves. Everyone predicted it, Kahn would try to made some kind of deal to put his stamp on the franchise, while ridding the team of some of the players from the old regime. And today, well technically yesterday now, it happened.

The Wolves traded Randy Foye and Mike Miller to the Wizards for the fifth overall pick in the 2009 draft and three players: Darius Songaila, Etan Thomas, and Oleksiy Pecherov.

And now I will give you a brief rundown of each player. Thomas has the darkest and largest pupils I have ever seen. He may not even have that round patch of color that usually surrounds the black center. Instead he just has one solid sea of black. Also he has an $8 million dollar contract that comes off the books after this year. Songaila is a decent player. One might call him a better younger version of Brian Cardinal, who is a better version of Mark Madsen. Why do the Timberwolves have three of these guys? I don't know, my guess is that they don't have all three once the season rolls around. Perhaps not any. Finally we have Oleksiy. For those of you who read the blog regularly you may remember this name. I wrote an article about him and his inability to get on the court for the hapless Wizards. I believe I accused him of using basketball as a spring board for his political career, and now he's here in Minnesota. Maybe next year he can run for Governor, or whenever the next Senate election is up. They've elected Jesse "The Body" and Al Franken, Oleksiy couldn't be more of a joke.

Now that the new players have been introduced its time to analyze what exactly this means for the Wolves who now have four first round picks in what many consider to be an extremely weak draft. Experts say this is just the beginning and the Wolves are planning to package one of their top ten picks with one of their later round picks and move into the top three with the intent of grapping Ricky Rubio or Hasheem Thabeet or maybe, just maybe move up and take both. I would be happy right now with Thabeet and Stephen Curry because I say there is no way in heck they somehow get picks two and three, which is what it would take to get Thabeet and Rubio. I repeat, the Wolves have NO SHOT at landing both Rubio and Thabeet.

As far as who the Wolves should/will draft I will have a post on that tomorrow night because according to the "experts" Wednesday is supposed to be a busy day for the Wolves, and so I'm going to save myself some time and do my draft predictions after the "busy day."

What Do You Feed It?

2009-06-24T04:12:00.002-05:00

I knew Baldinger's pinky was messed up, but I didn't know, radio announcer for the Packers, Larry McCarren's was equally as disfigured until I saw it flash across the screen during a Ryan Grant interview on packers.com.

If you Google either of these former player's names along with the word "pinky" you can actually find people debating which one looks worse. Which to me seems an awful lot like arguing over what kind of poop would be more disgusting to eat. But maybe that's just me.

A Day in the Life

2009-06-24T03:48:00.003-05:00

Don't Drop the Soap

2009-06-23T20:25:00.003-05:00

Unfaithful

2009-06-23T19:04:00.002-05:00

That'll Do, Pig

2009-06-17T23:47:00.004-05:00

When I created the thread TSPS, it was primarily to mock people who for one reason or another fail to think before they speak and end up sounding foolish. One could argue that the "s" could stand for "silly" and not "stupid." Most of the posts so far have been more whimsical and harmless, but the duet I am bringing you now are not simply "silly" lines. What I am about to bring you falls squarely under the "stupid" section.

Today, at my Grandma's funeral, I was sitting down at a table by myself when a gentleman came up with his plate of food and sat next to me. After some forced small talk he offered up these words of "comfort."

"I know what you're going through. I lost my Grandmother too."

Pause

"At least you had more time with your Grandmother than I did. Mine died when she was 60."

And then I got up and hit him with my chair.

No I didn't really hit him with my chair, I'm not violent by nature, but seriously. You're a pastor. Don't you get trained in grief counseling? Also you're like 100 years old. Of course your Grandma's dead. You're parents are probably dead too.

He offered me two statements of "comfort" and I'm pretty sure both of them are in the first chapter of the book "Things You Don't Say At a Funeral." Maybe he misread the title.

Don't ever tell someone who is experiencing a loss that you know what they're going through. You don't. Everyone grieves differently and just because you've experienced grief in your life doesn't mean you now know what everyone else is going through. Secondly don't ever, EVER say at least you had (instert loved ones title here) for longer than I did. Are you kidding me? What do you want me to feel sorry for you know because your Grandmother passed away at a younger age than mine? You sir should be ashamed of yourself. I am absolutely sickened by your feeble attempt at "comfort" and also that the last words utter over my Grandma's casket came out of your bumbling mouth.

For those of you dying to know the gentleman's name. I will not say, but his last name rhymes with Turd... Hmm, fitting.

Crazy Haze

2009-06-17T22:58:00.004-05:00

We Miss You Already!

Hey Letterman, You SUCK!

2009-06-17T01:02:00.009-05:00

This may seem a little chicken before the rooster, since I am about to address the issue that is being talked about in the post below this one, but I'm going to do it anyway. I'm sure by now you've all heard about the Letterman/Palin fracas. Letterman's comments about Palin were probably inappropriate, but being a politician you open yourself up to cheap shots like that from the media. Just ask GWB. However, when Letterman made comments about Palin's daughter being "knocked up" by Alex Rodriquez during a Yankee game he went WAAAAAAAY too far.

For those of you getting ready to comment, "But C. he wasn't talking about her 14 year old daughter. He was talking about Bristol and she's 18, so she's legal." OH MY JOLLY GOLLY GOODNESS. Really. That's your justification. REALLY. I don't care if she's 80, well okay if she was 80 then maybe it would be a little different. Politician put themselves under the scrutiny of the public eye and the media. And its true that sometimes their families are drug into the spotlight as well, but it is never okay to blatantly slander a child in the attempt to boost ratings. I don't care if she's "legal." Dave, can I call you Dave? You have a child now right? Rhetorical question I know you have a kid, because when you had him it was big news because you were like 70. How would you feel if your child was attacked on in front of millions of viewers nationwide. Now for all of you who think Bristol is fair game because she's 18 and therefore legal, how would you feel if someone attacked your child. Odds are you don't have any, and therefore you need to shut it because you can't say it wouldn't bother you. You don't have any children.

But C. you don't have any kids so you should shut up too.

False. I don't have kids and it still makes me sick. BOXXXXXXXXX. And finally, when the joke was made on air, Letterman didn't specify which child he was referring too. Only when trying to justify his remarks did it come out that the older, "legal," daughter was the one in which they were referring. Hmmm, convenient.

Dan Cole, "The Common Man" of KFAN AM 1130, hit it right on the head, when he proclaimed the whole thing to be a set up to help Letterman's ratings in hopes of staving off the new kid on the block, Conan O'Brien. Yes the whole thing probably was a set up. Say something inappropriate. Create a nationwide stir. Issue an apology, and then extend an invitation to Palin to be on the show. If she had accepted the ratings would have been through the roof. However, Palin, though she did accept the apology, wisely declined the invitation from Letterman. Looks like for once Palin wasn't falling for the tricks thrown at her by the "mainstream gotcha media." Bravo Govna, Bravo.

I rant because I care.

Yes It's the Title That Never Ends, It Just Goes On and On My Friends

2009-06-17T00:58:00.002-05:00

John Ziegler may be the Republican version of Michael Moore. He recently released a documentary titled "Media Malpractice: How Obama Got Elected and Palin was Targeted," to which I say bravo. Apparently he didn't want anyone to pick up his film by mistake thinking they were getting a movie about some recreational activity (this was a joke directed at Moore, more (he he, pun intended) specifically his film "Bowling for Columbine" imagine Woody Harrelson's disappoint when he popped that into his VCR only to find out it was a left wing communist film that had nothing to do with rolling a strike, or how to be up 6-10 split and everything to do with harassing Charleston Heston into an early grave). Or maybe he just wasn't clever enough to stick with something short and snappy. Anyhow, I found this interview on msn.com and it intrigued me enough to check out his (Ziegler's) website, which you can find here.

I Demand a Recount

2009-06-17T00:23:00.003-05:00

I'm not sure how many of you are familiar with Jarrod Saltalamacchia (for those of you wondering, yes that is his real last name). He is a catcher for the Texas Rangers, who I believe was traded from the Braves in the Mark Texiera deal. Well "Salty," I call him "Salty" because I have a good vibe with him, is/was apparently in second place among American League catchers in All-Star votes, which prompted the Rangers announcer to say this:

"Great job ranger fans for recognizing what Jarrod Saltalamacchia has done this year."

Now I'm sure you are all dying to know what exactly has "Salty" done. What, besides owning the longest sir name ever to be printed on the back of a MLB uniform, has he done that qualifies him for the Midseason Classic.

Answer: NOTHING.

Stinkalmacchia is hitting a paltry .245. He has 5 HRs. He's scored 18 runs. He's driven in 25 runners. And he's stolen as many bases this year as I have. In fact if "Satly" is deserving of an All-Star nomination then I think I should be voted on to the team as well. Afterall I have committed three fewer errors, and I have not allowed a runner to steal a base on me all season. Also I have 64 less strikeouts. That's right "Stinky," now I call him "Stinky," has 64 strikeouts in 48 games.

To the calculator

That's like five strikeouts a game.

I look forward to seeing him in the All-Star game. Maybe he can catch for the Home-Run Derby.

Remember When Morneau Played for the Brewers? Me Neither.

2009-06-12T01:25:00.003-05:00

So since the creators of the website said Morneau gave the Brewers the lead, then does that mean the Brewers actually get the win? Oh if only jounalists had that kind of power. Why we might even be able to put someone in the White House...*

*This is foreshadowing. It will all make sense soon enough.

Everybody Poops

2009-06-12T00:43:00.003-05:00

Another week, another edition of poll results. It seems like that last week went awfully fast. Nope not even going to put a "that's what she said" joke in there, here are the results:

Swine Flu - 13 total votes

With this poll question I’m going to do the results a bit differently, since it would be impossible to do each question individually and speak to each answer because the answers don’t make sense. This is what some might call an “inside joke.” By making a poll about it Shawna and I allowed you to be part of our “inside joke” which everyone wishes to be a part of someday. If you saw the question, read the answers, and didn’t get it so you refused to vote congratulations you may have missed out on your only chance. Next time don’t be so negative.

So what did it mean Caleb? Was it asking if we believed in it? Or whether or not it should be called Swine Flu? Or if we had it?

Well…

With 2 votes and 15% of the vote – Yes

With 4 votes and 30% of the vote – Or

With 7 votes and 53% of the vote – No

Man you guys, that’s a lot of “no’s.” What did I say about being negative?

What is your favorite term for pooping? 14 total votes.

With 2 votes and 14% of the vote – Dropping a Duece. Yes “duece” is misspelled. Is that what cost this answer its shot at the title? Probably, but more than likely this question was doomed by the fear people have about admitting they poop.

With 3 votes and 21% of the total vote – Toasting a bagel. I was given this term by a loyal reader, and long time commenter. He had come up with a new term for a very old activity and I decided to help him get the word out. I thought this answer was leading for most of the way, and I’m thinking people must have changed their votes later in the week because I could have sworn this had more than three votes. Well “Rock” we did what we could. And even though this third place finish may seem like a loss, it is. But at least you beat out the misspelled “deuce.” I’d say big things are headed your, and your “bagel’s” way.

With 4 votes and 28% of the total vote – Taking the Cosby kids to the pool. Honestly I’m surprised, mostly that this one got so many votes, but also that so many of you know who the Cosby’s were/are. Truth be told I’d probably prefer the “Cosby’s” to some of the programming on air today like: Gossip Girl, Grey’s Anatomy, One Tree Hill, According to Jim, How I Met Your Mother, American Dad, all of the CSI’s, all of the Law and Orders, The Mentalist, Medium, The Cleveland Show-

Caleb that one hasn’t even come out yet.

Yes but I already hate it.

Shut up and Sit Down, Amazing Race, Wipeout, Reba... I guess that’s it for now.

And in first place with 5 votes and 35% of the vote – I don’t poop, so I never have to refer to it. And to think, I thought I was the only one. John Candy would be so proud. Ha ha, a poop joke.

Only like seven more poll results to go. I think I'll throw in a TSPS now, to break them up a yittle bit.

QT Doesn't Need to be Followed by Quality Time. That's Redundant, Redundant

2009-06-12T00:06:00.002-05:00

I didn’t realize how many poll results I was behind, until I took inventory this morning. Turns out, I am a lot of poll results behind. However, despite suggestions calling for abbreviated results and even one suggestion from Force saying to cut out the commentary altogether, I will not. Because you can only do so much for the readers. The rest you have to do for yourself. So here you are blog followers, this one’s for me.

What's your favorite summer time song? 14 total votes

With 2 votes and 14% of the vote – “Summer Girls” by LFO, for those of you wondering LFO is short for “one hit wonder.” And, The “Thong Song” by Sisco, I’m guessing this referring to footwear.

Caleb why didn’t you but an “is” in there.

Nitpicky person in the audience, because I didn’t feel like it. No but seriously people I just noticed that now and I’m embarrassed. I apologize I’m better than that. As far as the songs are considered, I’ve never heard the “Thong Song” and I’ve only heard part of “Summer Girls” and I’m pretty sure they stole a couple of lines from Eminem. I don’t condone thievery so I’m glad the finished last.

With 3 votes and 21% of the vote – “A Long December” by the Counting Crows, the second most misinterpreted song behind “Good Riddance” by Green Day. Looking at this it might just be “Long December” not quite sure perhaps another slip up, apparently the proof reading fairy took this week off. Everybody needs a vacation. Is this song actually about summer? Well I don’t know. Is “Good Riddance” actually about suicide?

And in first place with 7 votes and 50% of the total vote – Any song by the Beach Boys, except for “Surfing USA” which is clearly not about summer. I thought that I would get some SA’s on this saying, what is “Any Song” I’ve never heard of it. But maybe I’m the only one who thinks that way. Or perhaps the “Surfing USA” reference cleared up any confusion that voters may have had. At any rate this song finished first and it deserved it. The Beach Boys are to summer music what homosexuals are to American Idol. You can’t have one without the other.

With which of these celebrity couples would you like to spend some QT? 15 total votes

With 1 vote and 6% of the total vote – Ellen Degenerate and Rosie O’ Eatsalot: are they a couple? No, but they deserve each other. Ok did you guys know that Ellen has her own TV show? I saw part of it today. And then the fire department had to come and talk me down off the roof of my house. Obviously either Rosie or Ellen reads our blog or otherwise I’m guessing this question would have been shut out. I only put it in there so I could make fun of their names. For those of you who didn’t get it the first time, take another look. Now you see, don’t you.

With 3 votes and 20% of the total vote – Chris Brown and Rhinna: you could end up with herpes or a black eye what’s not to like. For those of you unable to figure out what that blob of letters following Chris Brown’s name was supposed to spell it was “Rihanna.” I’m guessing I put that in and meant to Google the correct spelling before I posted it and never got around to it. I would apologize, but mostly I think it’s Rihanna’s fault for only having one name. Judging by the lack of support this selection received neither herpes nor black eyes are things people envy after. Either that or our voters just don’t like color.

With 5 votes and 33% of the total vote – Kurt Russell and Goldie Hawn: odds are at some point you’re going to meet their daughter, BOOM. Really this couple didn’t win? Kurt Russell and Goldie are both getting up there in age, but she’s still a “cougar,” and I’d definitely consider him a “silver fox.” But that’s not even the best part. THEIR DAUGHTER IS KATE HUDSON. Clearly our voters were not privy to that information, or else this would have been a landslide winner. Kate Hudson, she’s the second most attractive actor in “Fools Gold” and “How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days,” and she may be the last actress in Hollywood without fake “knockers.” I call them “knockers” cuz I’ve got a good vibe with them.

And in first place with 6 votes and 40% of the total vote – JFK and Marilyn Monroe: Do I ask about the “Cold War” or the Happy Birthday Song? I’m guessing the Cold War may have been a touchy subject, seeing Johnny was nearly responsible for starting it. I’d go with the birthday song because eventually it’s probably going to lead to you getting some cake.

Do I end this with a see you next week? Or should I just start working on the next set of results...

That's Not "Right"

2009-06-11T23:57:00.003-05:00

Ken "Hawk" Harrelson let this dandy fly during the last Twins/White Sox series:

"As we talked about before, you can steal first base off a right-handed (throwing) first baseman."

No "Chicken" you can't. You can't steal first of off a right-handed catcher, a right-handed pitcher, a right-handed second baseman- I think you see where I'm going with this. You can steal second. You can steal third. And as we've seen several times already this year you can also steal home. However you can never, EVER steal first. Unless you're A.J. Pierzynski in the 2005 ALCS against the Angels. And he didn't really steal first, the umpire cheated and let him on. But if you want to get technical and call that a "steal" then that's fine. But even then, Pierzynski didn't steal first off of a right-handed first baseman. Darin Erstad is left-handed. BOOM

The defense rests.

NBA Champions of the World

2009-06-11T19:45:00.005-05:00

Game four of the NBA Finals is about to begin, and I have decided that now would be an excellent time to break my silence on the YAWN that is the NBA Playoffs. Without cable TV and without a team to actually cheer for in the Playoffs my attitude so far could be described as ambivalent. Going into the playoffs I had just two wishes. That LeBron didn't make it to the finals. And that Kobe didn't make it to the finals. The Magic helped make one dream come true, and the Rockets even without McGrady and Yao did there best to make it a clean sweep but they failed. Then the Nuggets gave it a shot, and honestly if anyone on their team were able to get an inbounds pass in play without turning it over they might have been successful in granting me my wish. However, they couldn't and so they didn't. That left it up to Orlando to not only keep LeBron from acheiving his dream, but also from keeping Kobe from finally winning something without Shaq. Don't get me wrong I don't like Shaq either, but he already got his ring without Kobe. Albeit mostly because of Wade and, according to Force, some dreadful refereeing.

I can't stand the Lakers, Shaq, Kobe, and its getting to the point I don't like Phil Jackson anymore either, so the Lakers winning another Championship would be like getting coal for Christmas and nobody wants that. However, I don't believe I will be getting coal this year. I feel like the Orlando Magic, and Dwight Howard just might be my Saint Nic. I was upset when I didn't get this post up before the finals started because I figured when Orlando beat the Lakers no one would believe that I thought they could do it. Then Orlando decided to put themselves in a 2-0 hole and not only allowed me time to write this article but also added some drama to an otherwise boring Playoffs.

Now people who make predictions will often predict the unthinkable just so if it were to turn up right they look like genious' and if it doesn't well they were picking a long shot so nobody excpected them to be right. That is not what I am doing. I honestly believe the Magic have a legitimate chance at a title, and even though they currently trail 2-1 I still think they will win. Not can, will. And here is why:

Last year the Lakers were pushed around by the more physical Celtics. Getting Andrew Bynum back for the playoffs this year was supposed to fix that and make the Lakers more physical, it hasn't. Bynum was on his way to another solid year before his injury, but has provided almost nothing in the playoffs. And the Orlando Magic throw Dwight Howard at you who is a much more physical post player than any of the big men Boston could throw at the Lakers including Garnett. The lack of depth behind Howard is somewhat concerning, but it's not like the Magic must rely completely on Howard to score. One could probably argue they don't rely on him enough. Instead the depend on the outside shooting of Rashad Lewis, Hedo Turkoglu, and Rafer Alston. Hedo and Lewis are tough to match up against, and Rafer Alston should be quick enough to give Derek Fisher fits (apparently Fisher has struggled guarding quick point guards in the post season). And one final wild card for the Magic, Mickael Pietrus. Is he a poor mans James Posey? I hope so, and if he is that could be just enough to push the Magic over the top.

Now for the Lakers, why don't I like them? Well I think they go as far as Kobe can take them. And although Bryant is very good, I don't think he's that good. Pau Gasol looks like he's getting uglier every time I see him. Derek Fisher is at least 50. Lamar Odom is a good player but at times completely disappears. Luke Walton sucks and still can't get over the fact his dad still regularly beats him in games to 21. Sasha Vujiciciuvisdiusidvsdifj has a girls first name, long flowing hair and a last name I can't spell. Adam Morrison is a cry baby, and I'm not sure why I'm mentioning him because he's not going to play one minute in the series. Trevor Ariza is my favorite Laker player, he wasn't good enough to play for the Knicks Doh and I believe he also wasn't good enough for the Magic double DOH. So yeah there in a nutshell is why I don't like the Lakers.

On a more serious note if Pietrus can give the Magic some quality minutes on Kobe, which he has done in the first three games even though Kobe has still been shooting extremely well, that combined with the length of Turkoglu could be- check that will be enough to keep Kobe from beating the Magic and if the can contain Kobe they will win.

Magic in... Six. Probably seven but I want this over as quickly as possible (that's what she said).

C-Note

2009-06-10T19:50:00.002-05:00

I don't know if all of you are aware of the importance of this post. However, if you have been keeping count at home, or simply by looking at the number in parenthesis after "Look What We've Done," you know that this is our 100th post. Congratulations to us. As I am writing this Shawna is attempting to communicate with her "child" Daphne. Creepy? Maybe. For our 100th post Shawna and I have decided to write a post together something we haven't done since our initial entry. So here it goes:

Greetings fellow people,

We are pleased to offer you this post poop expressing everlasting poop forever sometimes.

It's hard to that's what whenever she male said awkward. caleb should please be dont capitalized be and mad don't at should have me an sometimes apostrophe. will should you be please capitalized give whenever me there a is big a kiss period are there gross should you be keep a saying capital should letter and following root it. words why of aren't capital you there listening is to a me? Fingernail I'm on so the proud keyboard of your you.

Thanks for playing along kids. Two words to look for in that ramble: shemale and mean. Go get em. Here's to another hundred posts.

Ready or Not, Here They Come!

2009-06-10T15:52:00.003-05:00

After many weeks of eager anticipation the poll results from probably over a month ago are in, and more are soon to follow. For all of you screaming racism after a poll about famous black actors, which was not followed by a poll about famous white actors, please stop screaming now. For all of you screaming sexism because after two polls about male actors why haven’t there been any polls for women? You can keep screaming because until there is a good female actress I won’t be making that poll. But if it makes you feel better I considered putting Rosie O Vereats on the famous white actor’s poll. No? It doesn’t make you feel better? Yeah I figured you’d say that.

What's Your Favorite Dance Move? 21 total votes

With 2 votes and 9% of the total vote – Moonwalk: Michael Jackson’s second claim to fame, right behind grapping his crotch. I only saw Michael Jackson perform once. It was during halftime of Super Bowl XXVII, that’s 27 for those of you who don’t read Roman numerals. So while others may despise Jackson for molesting children, over playing the plastic surgery card or even for his now extremely dated 80s dance moves; I despise him for starting the trend of awful halftime shows that has included but is not limited to, Justin Timberlake and Ms. Nipple Slip, the fat redheaded country singing sisters, Kid Rock wearing an American flag as a poncho, Tom Petty, the Rolling Stones, Prince, and Bruce Springsteen all after the year 2005. Why is the year significant? Because 2005 was at least 20 years removed from when any of those singers were relevant, or without tons of excess wrinkly arm skin. Gross.

With 3 votes and 14% of the total vote – Truffle Shuffle: who says fat people can’t dance. Now it is true that the chubby little boy from the Goonies made this dance popular, and it is also true that he was chubby, which I have now stated twice for emphasis. However, although this gleeful little munchkin captured the hearts of Americans by lifting up his shirt, grasping his adorable love handles, and jiggling his ample belly, if you are a fat person older than 8, please do not attempt this move in public. Man boobs aren’t as adored as baby fat.

With 5 votes and 23% of the total vote – Grinding: people, poles or animals. And Dancing is immoral. Funny that these two choices would tie. Why is that amusing? Well mostly because grinding is probably the dance move most responsible for some people taking the stance that dancing is indeed immoral. Is this irony or just dumb luck? I’ve never been to a club and I’ve never seen anyone “grind” up against someone else, but I’m guessing a person were to do that to me and they were attractive I would let them off with a stern warning. Something like, “No. NO. We do that outside.” If they were ugly… I would hit them.

Dancing IS immoral,

Ellen White said it so it must be true.

That’s why I don’t dance,

And neither should you.

And in our first place finisher with 6 votes and 28% of the total vote – Sprinkler: no this is not related to a Golden Shower. I’m guessing since this selection received the most votes that the majority of you know what the “sprinkler” and what a “golden shower” are. For those of you who don’t, google it. This is a family blog so I’m not gonna be touching that stuff on here (that’s what she said).

Who is your favorite Caucasian actor? 21 total votes

With 3 votes and 14% of the total vote – Leonardo DiCaprio: He’s like a child star, and the “Titanic” is his “Saved by the Bell.” Kevin Spacey: Chris I put this guy in here for you, and for “The Usual Suspects.” Christopher Walken: It’s hard to believe he was in “Sarah Plain and Tall.” Snickering. Our first three way.

Is it?

I don’t know, but it’s still exciting even if it has happened more than once, kind of like getting a hat trick, or hitting for the cycle, or (for those of you who don’t like sports) not having to watch a baseball game with your boyfriend because the game was rained out. I have just a couple more notes to add to this: my mom has watched “You’ve Got Mail” 1,344,223,532,050,234,502,250,685,035,765,234,730,234,123,760,001 times. When I asked her who she voted for she said DiCaprio because she didn’t know any of the other actors. NOOOOOOO. Also Kevin Spacey took third in this poll or last depending on how you look at it, and I said I only put him on here as a favor to a friend and for his role in “Usual Suspects,” but I may have forgotten another important film he starred in. More on this later.

With 4 votes and 19% of the total vote – Tom Hanks: His films are always epic. Even “Castaway” was epically awful. I’m glad Tom Hanks at least got second, although I voted for him and I think he should have been first. Why did Hanks finish second? Because of “Castaway.” That movie was trash. And this may seem a bit random but stay with me, actually hold that thought. I’ll discuss it in the first place section.

And our first place finisher with 8 votes and 38% of the total vote – Brad Pitt: Being hot is his second best feature behind his terrible taste in women. Jennifer Aniston may be attractive, but I’ve seen better still picking Angelina Jolie over Aniston… WHOA, B-rad, what are you doing. You went from having an attractive sweet looking wife/girlfriend (I don’t know what their exact relationship was) and you replaced her with “The Tomb Raider.” Did you see what she did to that guy in the end of the second film? She shot him. And that was somebody she liked. If I wanted to date someone who I thought, and looked like, they could beat me up I’d just date dudes. Maybe B-minus is trying to tell us something. And finally Brad Pitts most recent film, “Benjamin Button” was widely considered to be “Forrest Gump” in reverse. Well then A. shouldn’t Tom Hanks be considered a better actor than Pitt? And 2. Really? You really think “Button” was “Gump” in reverse? If critics really believe that then why not this: “Castaway” was just “Robinson Crusoe” in modern times. With a volleyball instead of a black guy named Friday. That’s what I think about that.

Is There Anybody Out There?

2009-06-10T15:46:00.002-05:00

For those of you still checking our blog, I apologize for the lack of activity in the recent weeks. For the first time since the blogs inception I honestly was too busy to update it. However, no longer will I be busy. At all. Ever again. So for those of you still following, I hope you're ready because the next couple of days are going to be filled with back logged articles that have been a long time coming. Several of which will be focused on poll results. You didn't think I'd forget about those did you?

Daphne

2009-05-24T20:10:00.005-05:00

How could I say 'no' to this?! She is about 8 weeks old and is SO sweet and fun!

Attention, Attention!! :)

2009-05-24T19:56:00.003-05:00

To our faithful voters:
I would like to take this opportunity to clarify the recent $174.00 cat purchase. It costs 100.00 to purchase a kitten (or any animal for that matter) from the Humane shelter in Lincoln. 50.00 for a pet deposit to Gaylord the Landlord. And the rest... well, no one really knows where Caleb got the other 24.oo dollars. Sometimes he just makes stuff up :)
Thank you for this educational opportunity,
Shawna Leigh Kolbek

New Face, Same Place

2009-05-24T12:09:00.001-05:00

As I'm sure you can see, we are in the middle of some minor renovations. Please bear with us. And if and of you have HTML knowledge feel free to share :)

Oh Cats!

2009-05-18T19:48:00.000-05:00

I'm not a fan of Utube, I spell it Utube because I have a good vibe with it, and I don't particularly like cats. However, I enjoyed this segment, and I can promise you it will give you the at least the same number of LOL moments as the last episode of "Parks and Recreation," which is two (one when the gentlemen fell down after getting his castes removed, it was predictable but the doctors reaction was priceless; and two when the Israelite guy was making fun of the old guy. Old people are the best to tease with because a. their usually more laid back and 2. they generally have no idea what you're talking about).

It Could Happen

2009-05-15T17:26:00.005-05:00

Last night I had a dream. In it I was watching a Chicago White Sox game, and one of their announcers said something totally ridiculous. So, I, being the blogger that I am and apparently the world’s last action hero who will stand up and call people on the stupidity they sometimes spit began looking around frantically for something to write down the preposterous statement I'd just heard, so I could share it with you our loyal readers.
Long story short I woke up in the kitchen trying to crave J-o-e C-r-e-d-e on a cookie sheet with a banana. That’s when I realized it has been far too long since my last post on here and I needed to get back on the wagon. It’s not that I don’t have things to write about, I have a whole list. However, the magic simply wasn’t there, but now, now the magic has returned. I would like to start with a short piece on the Minnesota Twins.
The Twins are 5-1 in their last six games, and could very easily be 6-0 if not for a late innings bullpen blow-up versus the suddenly punchless Mariners. Am I complaining? No, because anytime your team comes back from down five with only three innings to go against someone like Justin Verlander, who had the Tiger announcers had declared “unhittable,” there is no time to complain. First of all I would like to say JV was not unhittable ask Jason Kubel, who hit him all over the park. And secondly, if you’re not going to throw strikes than is being unhittable really a good thing?
In honesty Verlander was extremely good for six innings and absolutely poopy in the 7th. Similarly Scott Baker was also lights out, only allowing one hit through five innings, but again seemed to hit a wall and allowed 5 runs with two outs before closing out the 6th. But this post is not to give you all a game-by-game recap of the Twins past six affairs, but if you missed them you missed some extremely entertaining baseball (Like walk-off Grand Slam to win it in the bottom of the 13th with two outs entertaining). This post is about predictions, because everyone knows preseason predictions are useless. You have to get a month into the season first. So here are my biggest wishes/fears about how the season is going to unfold.

The Good:
Joe Mauer – I’ve never been a big fan of the “Baby Jesus.” Other than batting average his stats have always been far inferior to Justin Morneau’s and Mauer doesn’t show up and play every day, granted being a catcher is partially the cause of that. But this year Mauer has been nothing short of bionic to start the season. He’s hitting for power, average, and driving in runs, all while hitting just under .500. Here’s my prediction: If Mauer can figure out how to pull the inside pitch, instead of grounding it weakly to the second basemen, when pitchers inevitably decide to start pounding him in, he will become the first MLB player to hit .400 since Ted Williams. Get ready to watch history folks.

The Bad:
Two starts ago Fransico Liriano looked dominating again against the Tigers. Striking out nine and throwing filthy slider after filthy slider. It was the most Liriano has used his slider since pre-Tommy John surgery. That scared me. Then one start ago Liriano was dominating for three innings, then could barely get through the final two and qualify for a win because suddenly his delivery went from quiet and repetitive to something more resembling Dontrelle Willis. I don’t know what caused the quick change, but if afraid that Liriano, if he continues with the multiple slider after slider and wild delivery, will end up on the DL for the rest of this season as he did in 2006. He pitches tonight; hopefully he can put my fears to rest. We’ll see.

The Unbelievable:
The bullpen – Once considered a top five unit in the Bigs, the Twins pen has been anything but reliable. Every member, from Nathan to Breslow has struggled. IF the trend continues the Twins are going to trade one of their four outfielders for a middle relief guy, when instead they should cut bait with underachieving bits such as: Craig Breslow, Matt Guerrier, and even Luis Ayala and allow some of their young minor league arms the opportunity to shine.

Matt Tolbert – I’ve decided to put this one here because I’m not sure where else it would fit. If Matt Tolbert can hit .280, which maybe isn’t possible, he will win a gold glove. This guy doesn’t seem to have the arm strength of an Alexi Casilla or Nick Punto, but he has tremendous range, baseball IQ, and overall intangibles. He’s been up just over a week and he’s already made several plays that with Casilla would be impossible. He is an absolute treat to watch in the field, oh and he’s not afraid to bunt.

So there you have it, my first list of predictions. And as with all predictions if they prove correct I will rejoice at how I called it first, and if they blow up then I will simply deny I ever said anything.

Run, Shawna, Run!!!

2009-05-08T20:14:00.007-05:00

This past Sunday, we did it. Lisa and I finished the half-marathon. Thats 13.1 miles through Lincoln, just in case you missed my other posts :)
I am not a morning person, but I was bouncing around by 5:30 a.m. to eat breakfast, put my cute running outfit on, and stretch my nervous muscles. Nothing could have prepared me for the sight of 6500 runners and walkers preparing to do 13-26 miles. The gun shot rang at 7:00 a.m. and we didn't even cross the start line for ten more minutes because of all the people! As we started jogging down 16th street, as far as you looked ahead and behind there were masses of people filling the entire street. The energy-filled atmosphere was so uplifting and positive-It was so incredible! There were by-standers lining the streets: cheering, honking, and waving signs of encouragement.
My goal was to make it to the first water stand without stopping, about 3 miles in. I was nervous about this because that included a treacherous hill up South street. But... guess what!!! Not only did we make it up the hill, we made it 2 miles further without taking a walking break. 5 miles without stopping to walk. Up to this point, I felt on top of the world. I wasn't out of breath, my legs and feet felt great, and mentally I KNEW I could finish this race.
About mile 5, my confidence came crashing down as my MP3 player stopped working. Fortunately, it was right before my apartment (which is along the route) and my roommate was standing outside cheering us on! I quickly told her my dilemma and she ran up to get her music player for me. As Lisa and I get back to jogging, I began to notice that Keri only has Christian music on her play list. Now, I really like to listen to this kind of music: Sabbath afternoon, on my way to work, during church... But not while I am trying to run 8 more miles! For whatever reason my (not-so) trusty 'Ole MP3 chose to stop working, I realized that I could not keep running without God's strength. And I was reminded by every Michael W. Smith, Chris Tomlin, and Acapella song that played for the remainder of run.
I was mentally and physically beat by mile 10. It felt like we had been jogging FOREVVEERRR!!! I kept moving my legs, even when I could no longer feel them (about mile 12 lol).Turns out, it was 2 hours and 51 minutes total, to be exact :)
At a pace of just over 13 minutes a mile for 13.1 miles, Lisa and I completed our first half-marathon. Both of us near tears, but too tired to squeeze 'em out, we crossed the finish line running as fast we could.
I feel so proud of myself for sticking with the training. I couldn't have endured without the cheering and the encouragement and I really appreciate the comments and encouraging texts, etc!!! What I am most excited about is my new-found like, almost love, for running. Well, mostly short distances of 3-5 miles. When I started, I could only run 3/4 of a mile without stopping and after 2 months of training I did 5!!!
Six days later, my blisties are almost healed, my back is no longer aching, and my legs feel strong and ready to start jogging again!
Pics will be posted soon :)

That's Off Putting

2009-05-06T05:42:00.003-05:00

I'm not sure what to say to start this bad boy off. So I think I'll start it off with a great big "Thank You" to all of our faithful followers/readers/voters. Without you guys this blog would just be another website that nobody visited or read, like Courtney Love's Myspace page. Here are last weeks results.

What is your favorite way to procrastinate? 23 total votes

With 2 votes and 8% of the total vote - Wash your dishes, laundry, floors, and face. I don't know how this received two votes. If Samuel L. Jackson-

Really Caleb you're going to go back to the "SLJ didn't get any votes bit?"

Well I guess now I'm not. Washing dishes and floors and stuff sounds awesome, I'm surprised more people didn't select it. If I ever build a Time Machine I'm going to go back to last week and change my vote, right after I go forward in time and make sure we never have a female president. Honestly, one experiment was enough.

With 3 votes and 13% of the vote - Catch up on the missed Office, Desperate Housewives, Grey's, and Gossip Girl episodes. Perhaps if this had some more attracted choices like: Oprah, Maury, or any of the Court TV series' it would have received more votes, but no one watch GG, other than Chris with his sister, Desperate Housewives, other than Ryan who watches WAY too much TV because he lives on the west coast away from all of his friends (but to be fair he also watched DH while in Lincoln so what's up with that), and Gay's, yeah I don't have anybodies name to put in here because NOBODY watches it. My guess is the three clicks for this answer were all in support of the Office, which is substantially better than all three of those previously mentioned train wrecks combined. I now watch Parks and Recreation on Thursdays as well, just to remind me of how much better the Office is than any other show. Yes even P&R.

With 4 votes and 17% of the vote - Memorize the hour long Sportcenter program, and Is that a fancy word for poop? Well first things first, no it is not a fancy word for poop. A fancy word for poop would be "dropping a deuce." Well I guess that would be three fancy words. And yes it should have been Sportscenter not Sportcenter.

I used to love watching ESPN and memorizing the hour long Sportscenter programs, then Obamassiah was elected and ESPN turned into the recreational version of CNN. So now I stick to the internet. It's safer.

But Caleb, what about the sexual predators and identity thieves that prowl online.

Yes, but at least it doesn't have hour long specials breaking down Obama's pick-up basketball games, analyzing his pick and roll ability, or is low post presence. Honestly, who is going to guard him for realzies. He's the President, he's black, and he's a smoker. If you're guarding him and you foul him it's either a hate crime, an assassination attempt or it causes him to have a heart attack. At least with the third one you're not liable. Also I've heard that if anyone outscores him during a game he throws them in prison. Why do you think he's releasing all the terrorists in Guantanamo Bay?

And in first place with 10 votes and 43% of the total vote - Check my facebook, blog, twitter, and myspace for updates. I don't want to take credit for the Facebook take over but- well who am I kidding I'll take any credit I can get. I refused to get a Myspace page. I said Facebook was cooler and Myspace was for "queers." And by "queer" I don't me homosexual, I mean weirdies. Well four years later Facebook is dominating Myspace, and quite frankly I'm getting a little sick of it as well (more on this later). Blogging, well there is nothing wrong with that. Twittering, hmmm remember that friend in high school who would always change their MSN name to reflect their mood well trying to say something clever? That's what Twitter looks like to me. If I want to know what is on someone's mind I'll ask them. I don't want to get updates about it five to fifty times a day.

Or maybe you're just bitter because Twitter is only 140 characters, and you can't say hello in that many words.

Yeah... maybe that's it.

What was the biggest surprise of the draft? 21 total votes

With 2 votes and 9% of the total vote - The Chiefs taking Jackson at number three, the Jets trading up to get Sanchez, and Thompson trading back into the first round. For the first time we have a three way (tie). Of these three I would have to say Thompson trading back into the first was the biggest surprise. Is that what I voted for? I can't remember. But I do remember my brother calling me and saying:

"Caleb one of these three statements are true. Tell me which one: The Packers just traded back into the first round, Nazi Germany just took control of Poland, or ESPN just vowed not to do anymore Obamassiah pieces."

I picked Nazi Germany. I think of these three picks all have a decent chance of working out okay, and in the end that is what matters. If all three go on to have solid 10-15 year careers with the teams that drafted them, no one is going to care if the teams may have reached a bit, or over spent a little to secure that player's services. I'll say Sanchez is a flop, Jackson has a decent career, and Matthews III is suspended for juicing.

With 6 votes and 28% of the total vote - DHB going before Crabtree, Maclin, and Harvin. This should be the most surprising, but the fact that it make so little sense actually made it somewhat predictable. DHB should have been the third WR off the board at the highest. Crabtree was a top 5 talent, possible the best prospect in the draft, so just the fact that DHB went before him seems like a mistake. Bey definitely has talent, but I'm guessing when most scouts look at him they see more Troy Williamson than Randy Moss. Hopefully for the Raiders he's somewhere closer to the latter.

And in first place with 9 votes and 42% of the total vote - When did Obama reinstate the Draft? I'm guessing it was sometime after he found out ESPN was booting him from their daily programming.

Nah I'm kidding. He wouldn't do that. He's pulling us out of the Middle Eas- Oh to be young and naive.

My Water Broke

2009-05-06T05:38:00.004-05:00

I was watching interviews of some of the Packers draft picks and I came across this dandy.

Reporter: "Are you guys on the semester system or the trimester?"

HA HA HA. After I soiled myself, I googled trimester to see if there actually was a school system that followed this schedule. And it turns out... There is. Wow who's the idiot now. I guess my only question is, "do you have to be pregnant to attend class?"

Too Soon

2009-05-06T05:35:00.004-05:00

This is a quote from one of the Detroit TV announcers on Monday regarding Twins pitcher, Scott Baker's, last outing:

"Scott Baker had a no-hitter through 6 innings and then the rough caved in on the Twins."

Oh my goodness was anyone hurt?

No, this was a figure of speech. The roof did not actually cave in on the Minnesota Twins. I have a feeling the Dallas Cowboys were not amused.

Ballerz Around the World

2009-05-03T01:31:00.003-05:00

All Over But the Crying

2009-05-03T00:34:00.004-05:00

Well, the time has arrived. We are t-minus six hours and 20 minutes until race time. Shawna Leigh Kolbek, training hard with the companionship of Lisa Sannes (spelling) as well as Shanell Laursen has been looking forward to this day for over three months, and when the sun arise this morning, she will have to wait no longer. Lock up your daughters, abandon your sons, queue the Rocky theme song, because it's "racing time" (not to be confused with "swording time," which is something entirely different, and much shorter, that's what she- don't you dare).

Many of you have been keeping track of Shawna's progress over the past few months, and it is because of that I decided to have a pre-race interview with Ms. Kolbek. Hoping I would be able to get deep inside her head and share with you here game plan going into the race. Apparently I wasn't the only suitor looking for a last minute interview, I was in a tight race with ESPN, and Runners Weekly, some weirdo magazine I've never heard of and am confident no one reads, but in the end I was able to snag Kolbek's last available time slot before she checked out to prepare and focus for her busy morning.

Kolbek spent most of the day relaxing and taking it easy, as well as eating a steady diet of carbs with her family, younger sister Gabrielle and proud mother Stephanie, before she took a few minutes for this exclusive interview which I bring to you now.

C: Shawna what is your strategy going into the race?

S: I'm just thinking of the race like it were an Orange Tree. You just have to weed it, prune it, and if it gets too big chop it down.

C: I see. Would you say you expect to win?

S: No, I don't expect to win. You can't expect anything in this business. I never go into a race thinking I should win, or I hope I win, I just always know I am GOING to win.

C: You aren't concerned with the fact that its been over a decade since a female finished the half-marathon in first place?

S: I'm not concerned by that at all. In fact, in high school my golf instructor told me I throw like a girl, so I think it is the boys that are afraid of me.

C: Wow, that's some kind of confidence. How much has your training helped you build up this "take on all comers" attitude.

S: Well I think it is kind of something I've had all along. Sometimes when Lisa and I would run she (Lisa) would bring her dog and I would say to that dog, "You will not beat me," and then I would just take off, and the best part about it was if she (the dog) did start beating me I would just step on her lease and it would totally throw off her rythm.

C: What do you plan on doing with the prize money if you win?

S: Well I think first I will buy a house. Not anything fancy, probably just a couple houndred thousand square feet. Hopefully something with a view, and preferrably an indoor gym and swimming pool. After that I think I'll probably invest.

C: Do you think now is a safe time to be putting your millions into the stock market?

S: Well the Obamassiah has promised to turn this thing around and I've always said, "if you can't trust politicians, who can you trust."

C: Are you running for any cause, is there any specific group or foundation for which you are try trying to raise awareness?

S: Yes I am actually.

C: And what group is that?

S: Well they are only paying me to sponsor them during the race, so if I were to talk about them now that would sort of be a free plug and I don't do freebies. That's how Easy E ended up dying.

C: Its good to have standards. You won't be donating any of your winnings to the foundation for which you will be running?

S: I look at it this way C Her, can I call you C Her? I know it sounds like the gayiest variation of your name, but I still kind of want to do it. Sometimes I actually refer to myself as S. King Kol.

C: Really?

S: No, but I thought it would help my bid to call you C Her, so what do you say?

C: Go right ahead.

S: Ok C Her, this is how I see it. I'm running 13.1 miles. That's like 1 million meters, for this foundation. I feel that by giving my time and energy I've already given too much, which is why they are paying me for my time. Not my energy though, that comes free.

C: Well Ms. Kolbek I think one thing is certain, you are a giver.

S: Oh well that's very nice of you to say.

C: Well, I that's all the question's I have for you Ms. Kolbek could I trouble you for one last morsel of advice for those of us out there who might be considering training for a marathon in the future?

S: Yes I do, one word two syllables, "it's not about how you run the race, it's about winning."

And there you have it folks, an up close in depth look at one of the most dedicated, self motivated runners the Lincoln Half Marathon has ever seen. I ask Kolbek if she planned on leading the race from starting gun to final whistle, but she assured me she would hang back and draft some of the larger runners for at least the first couple of hours. My guess is, with her speed, if she wants to draft something she'd better find a car.

Reporting live from Lincoln for AYittleChubby.com,

I'm C Her.

What's His FP-OP?

2009-05-02T15:19:00.003-05:00

A Chicago Cub's television announcer had this to say after the Marlins pitched-out with a runner on first:

"That’s a merit badge for Micah Hoffpaiuer I guy who usually doesn’t run much. When you force the other team to throw a pitch-out, that’s as good as a stolen base."

Yes it is as good as a stolen base, except it has no statistical value and after the pitch-out, he was still on first base.

Clearly I'm missing something.

Why Did It Have to End?

2009-05-02T05:32:00.005-05:00

I have some terrible news. The Minnesota Timberwolves season is over and has been for a couple weeks now. I guess I assumed with all of the franchises success in recent years that a trip to the post season was all bit a given. Apparently the Wolves 24-58 record wasn’t good enough to get into the Western Conference Playoffs. It’s too bad they didn’t play in the East, where it would probably have been good enough to at least get them a four seed. I’m kidding, I’m kidding, it wouldn’t have been higher than six.
Alas the season is over, and now well overdue is my season in review. I’m sure you’ve all been waiting with baited breath. Hopefully none of you were holding your breath, because I’m guessing those individuals are no longer with us.

Let’s start with the Highlights.

January – Does anybody remember January? The Timberwolves, under new Head Coach second time around, Kevin McHale started out the new year going 10-4. There was talk of Jefferson making the All-Star game, and Randy Foye looked like something other than the player the Timberwolves got in return for Brandon Roy.

Al Jefferson – It’s impossible what might have been had Jefferson not landed awkwardly against New Orleans, but even with his season ending prematurely Big Al has fans excited for next season. Provided of course he makes a quick and full recovery fingers crossed. And to all of you out there who think Al Jefferson is strictly a low post player, check the tape. Force this means you, Jefferson can shoot from outside extremely well. Watch out Dirk.

Kevin Love – If only he was 7’0. Shoot. I’d settle for 6’11. Of course he’s only 19, so maybe he’ll get there. Kevin Love was overlooked for the Rookies v. Sophomores game on All-Star Weekend, he was overlooked on the NBA All Rookie First Team, and will be overlooked when it comes to ROY voting.

Caleb he didn’t deserve to be ROY.

No he didn’t. But he should be in the top 3, and my guess is he won’t be. He averaged close to a double –double after Jefferson’s injury. His field goal percentage was a bit erratic, but that should improve with more playing time next to Big Al.

Kevin McHale – Does “McFail” deserve to be in the highlights section of the Wolves season? Yes, and here’s why. I remember seeing the words “Kevin McHale sets down as GM of the Minnesota Timberwolves” scroll across the bottom of my TV screen, while I was memorizing the hour long Sportcenter program. At that moment I reached a level of elation I think I will reach again only after successfully making a one handed touchdown catch while dragging both of my feet in the back corner of the endzone with nine Viking defenders draped all over me to win the Super Bowl for the Packers in overtime 5-0.

Caleb the most believable part of that story was the score.

I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that.

And then I remember reading the end of the ticker “so that he can focus all of his energy on coaching the team.” I don’t know if suicidal would describe my mood after reading the conclusion to the update, but let’s just say I was pondering trashing my room to show my flustration, when I realized I no one else would get that “message” so I went and trashed Chris’s room instead. Truth be told McHale got the Timberwolves to play as a team, and play hard. They played hard in January, when they still had Jefferson, and they played hard in March when they were without Jefferson, Love, and Foye. Now as much as I would have liked to see them loose out after Big Al’s injury and better their chances at the first overall pick, you can never fault a team for giving it all every game and for the most part when the Wolves lost it was from lack of talent not lack of effort. So, Mr. McHale, I applaud you and I hope you return as coach next season if for no other reason than it will keep you from being our GM.

The O.J. Mayo/Kevin Love Trade – Some might argue that this shouldn’t be a highlight. But it is and I’ll tell you why. Scorers like Mayo are much easier to find then big men who can rebound. The Wolves at the time they picked Mayo already had Foye, Rashad McCants, Corey Brewer, Sebastian Telfair, Marko Jaric, and Greg Buckner at the guard positions. At power forward/center position they had Al Jefferson, Mark Madsen, Craig Smith and Chris Richard. Mayo would have been better than just about any of the guards we currently have. However, Foye could be better than him remember against Memphis Foye first hit the go-ahead 3-pointer and then blocked Mayo’s lay-up attempt at the buzzer. Yeah it was recrunkulous. I’ll take Foye over Mayo because we already had Foye and right now I’d say they’re comparable, also Mayo wasn’t going to run the point for us so he would be fighting to find minutes behind Foye, McCants, Brewer, and Buckner. Love on the other hand gave us depth at a position that was dangerously thin. And here is the best part. The trade got us out of two terrible contracts. Jaric and Walker’s and it netted us Mike Miller who was a do it all type player for the Wolves despite playing hurt for most of the year. And Brian Cardinal and Jason Collins’ contracts will both be off the books come the summer of 2010. Yes is the long and prosperous history of Kevin McHale trades this goes down as number 1. Other than that there weren’t a lot of highs for the Wolves this season. Foye had stretches where he looked brilliant, but then would go games without making any impact at all. Ryan Gomes has turned into a fine player, who can shoot the ball well and he is also a versatile defender. Telfair had some huge games, but overall I still think an upgrade at the point guard situation is a must. And Mike Miller didn’t score like a lot of people, myself included, thought he would, but he brings so much more to this basketball team and I hope the Wolves keep him around because he will be an asset next year.
Well after that stunning list of highlights you’re probably wondering how the Wolves lost a game.
No, actually there weren't that many highlights at all.
No? Oh, well you just ruined my intro to the next segment. So I'm going to give you one more highlight and then I'm just going to skip right into the lowlights, without one of those tie it to together thingy's.

The Miami Heat – Because of the Heat’s improved play and subsequent playoff birth the Wolves received their first round draft pick. Which because the Heat are in the playoffs, will be somewhere in the 20s. Meaning that with the Timberwolves recent drafting history, they have absolutely no shot of drafting an impact player there, so they will be giving a guaranteed contract to some terrible uncoordinated big man that McHale thought he could shape into the next Vlade Divac’s. Maybe this should have been in the lowlights.

Now the lowlights.

Injuries – The Timberwolves lost both Corey Brewer and Al Jefferson to season ending ACL injuries. And people say football’s a tough sport. Randy Foye, Sebatian Telfair, Craig Smith, and Mike Miller also missed games with various injuries and were hampered by them even when playing. And yes Kevin Ollie did too, but I’m not sure that actually hurt the team.

Randy Wittman – The Wolves went an inspiring 4-15 under Head Coach, Randy Wittman. Apparently his style of coaching turned off a lot of the players, and he was unable to get them to play hard for him. You see Randy, it’s not that they weren’t playing hard. It’s just that they weren’t that good in the first place. Well that and the fact you tried to run a set offense and insisted on calling every play. This isn’t football that doesn’t work. I remember on one occasion Wittman actually called a timeout while Rashad McCants was on his way in for a fast break layup, and then removed McCants from the game. When asked about it after the game Wittman said this, “That wasn’t the play I had called.”*

Mario Chalmers – The Timberwolves drafted Chalmers in the second round and then thinking they were going into the season with the afore mentioned guard list as well as O.J. Mayo traded Chalmers to Miami for two future second round picks. I see where they were coming from, they had too many guards before they drafted Mayo, but couldn't you have waited at least a day to pull the trigger on this one? I mean you were dealing with future second rouch picks anyway. That was a mistake. Chalmers at point guard would have been a nice change of pace from Telfair, but what can you do.

Not playing Sheldon Williams more – I know I ranted about this a little before, but on a crummy team with no legitimate center- Put your hand down, Jason Collins isn’t a legitimate center- how can you justify not playing Williams more? I hope that they bring him back for next year even if it is just for a peak, but I doubt that will happen. And let’s face it he couldn’t get playing time with the league-worst Kings so he’s obviously not any good. I don’t know, and I guess we’ll never find out.

The Timberwolves not being represented at the All-Star Game – Al Jefferson and Kevin Love should both have been participating in the Weekend festivities. You can argue about the record all you want, but Love was putting up comparable numbers to Marc Gasol, who played on a worse team and Brook Lopez, who may have been playing on a better team but has a girl’s first name, and Love was doing it in way fewer minutes. David West played for the Hornets and yes they were a much better team than the Wolves and only had one all-star, but the Wolves were in the middle of a January month where they posted one of the best records in the league, their team was playing better and Jefferson’s stats were far superior. Just like his jump shot is better than West’s but just like for All-Star Weekend, Jefferson gets overlooked on that too.

The Utah Jazz – If the Jazz finished as one of the top eight teams in the NBA the Wolves received the Jazz’s first round draft pick. The Jazz were as high a sixth late in the season, but tanked and finished eighth in the West and therefore out of the top eight overall. Did they do this on purpose? Yes I think they did. Clearly they would rather be the eighth seed in the playoffs and face the Lakers in the first round than be a fourth seed and have home court advantage, but have to give up the coveted 25th (?) pick.

Winning 24 games – Now I’m not going where you may think I am with this one. I don’t wish the Wolves would have one more. I wish they would have won less. This year’s draft isn’t consider as deep as previous years, and wouldn’t you know it the Wolves just so happen to have three first rounders and I think up too three second rounders as well. If the Wolves had lost more they would have had a better shot at landing the top spot and drafting Blake Griffin, which leads me to my next lowlight.

This year’s draft class – Not only is it considered shallow compared to years past, the best player is a PF from Oklahoma. Funny even if we win the lottery, PF is the one position we are absolutely stocked at. What are the odds.
*This scenario may have been made up. Mostly the part about McCants actually getting on the court, but also the Wittman quote.

Four is Better Than Twelve

2009-05-02T05:23:00.003-05:00

From game one of Packers season throught week 17 Shawna and I had several discussions about whether or not Aaron Rodgers was good looking. Shawna would keep saying, "he's so ugly" or "he's not attractive at all" or "well if I had to pick between you and him I'd still pick him, but I'd definately give it one or two thoughts."*

This summer I asked her why she didn't think Aaron Rodgers was an attractive (looks wise) NFL quarterback and she said, "Well he's not bad looking, but mostly I think that I just want Brett Favre to come back and be the Packers quarterback."

I'm getting misty eyed just typing it, DS.

Oh okay now they're gone.

Anyway, that's when I knew.

*This may not have been an actual quote.

Am I Forgetting Someone?

2009-05-02T05:17:00.003-05:00

This article is for Ryan who requested a rant on Jacob Bradley’s article on the NFL’s top 10 passers of 2009, a slideshow that can be seen here.
First of all, I would like to say there are several names that are peculiarly absent from this list. And now I will say it, “There are several names besides Aaron Rodgers that are noticeably absent from this list.”

Who? You ask?

Well we can start with the NFC East and go with Eli Manning, Donavan McNabb, and Tony Romo. Yes Eli Manning did lose Plaxico Burress, but the Giants drafted Hakeem Nicks and Ramses Barden (not sure about the spelling) both will help.

But Caleb Eli Manning simply isn’t that great of a QB to begin with, so it doesn’t matter who they brought in.

Well I guess I can’t argue with you there. So maybe Manning doesn’t belong on this list. But McNabb, with an improved offensive line, receiving core, and running back stable* is a huge oversight. Tony Romo is oversought (this is the past tense of the word over sight even though it isn’t recognized as an actual word) as well. No he doesn’t have TO anymore, but he still has Roy Williams and Jason Witten, a solid offensive line, and Felix Jones and Marion Barber III in the backfield to keep defenses honest.

Two more sleepers that potentially should have cracked this list? Matt Schaub, and Matt Hasselbeck. Yes I know both battled injuries last season, but Hasselbeck gets T.J. Houz (that is as far as I can get, and no I’m not going to go with a who’syourmomma joke because that was like sooo three years ago) and he was isn’t that far removed from his Pro Bowl years. Matt Schaub is perhaps too much of a stretch (that’s what she said), but he is playing on a dynamic offensive team, that has holes in the defense meaning he will be involved in a lot of shoot outs and that parlay’s into a lot of yards. However, he must stay healthy for an entire season, and that may be his down fall.

My thoughts on why Bradley left Rodgers off of his list? Mr. Bradley admitted being a Buffalo Bills fan. What does that tell us? Well he probably watches /pays more attention to the AFC than the NFC. Therefore it is no coincidence that seven of his top 10 come from the AFC, well six because technically Cutler is in the NFC now. My guess is Bradley has never heard of Rodgers before, and it wasn’t until week (insert the first week that the Bills and Jets met last season)** that he realized Favre wasn’t playing for the Packers. I’ll even take it a step farther, he’s a Bills fan so it probably took him until the third quarter to realize the Jets had a new QB, and it probably took him until Thursday of the next week to put the number 4, chucking passes all over the field for the Jets was the same number 4 that once played for the Packers. And it was not until the next time the two teams played, week 15, that he figured out Favre’s name was misspelled on the back of his jersey.***

However Ryan, you are correct, leaving Rodgers off of this list does seem a tad laughable, but what would you rather: nobody picking you to do anything and everybody overlooking you entering the season, or everyone gunning for you and making it that much harder to succeed. A real man would probably pick the second option. I, however, have no problem admitting I’d enjoy the former.

Now before I can go any further with my predictions of the top 10 passers of 2009 I need to say one last thing on Mr. Bradley’s behalf: “Mr. Bradley was simply stating his opinions on the upcoming 2009 season. There is nothing wrong with people stating their opinions. It should be applauded, even if theirs is not the same as ours. That’s what makes us unique. We all have opinions, and if we so choose we can all have different ones (opinions). So with that in mind Mr. Bradley I value your opinion. I am glad you shared it, but I must disagree.
Here is my critique of Mr. Bradley’s top 10 passers of 2009.

10. Carson Palmer (3,558 Yards, 20 TDs)
An actual quote: “Carson is destined to have a comeback season this year.”
Yes Carson Palmer may be destined for a comeback season, if for no other reason than the fact he only played in three games last year. Palmer had an outstanding year in 2005 (?) that was ended prematurely in the playoffs by an unintentional low blow from a Steeler’s lineman. Since then he has had all the variables to succeed and has not. This year he will be without T.J., but could have a better ground game. That means more yards on the ground less through the air. One factor working in his favor could be his defense. The numbers Bradley suggests are actually very attainable, if Palmer can stay healthy. But to think this will be the 10th highest output in the league next year not so likely.

No. 9: Matt Ryan, Atlanta Falcons (3,609 Yards, 21 TDs)
I never was a huge fan of Matt Ryan. I predicted Brian Brohm would be the better pro. And yes I made that prediction after they both declared for the draft, but before the Packers took Brohm. It appears not only will Ryan be a better pro than Brohm, but probably Joe Flacco as well. Am I giving up on my prediction? You ask.
Not yet.
Anyway, I don’t like Ryan. I think a lot of people overlooked him, and the Falcons last year, and they paid for it, namely the Chicago Bears. I don’t think that will happen this year, but again the statistics that Bradley suggests are very reasonable just not good enough for the 9th best in the league.

No. 8: Kurt Warner, Arizona Cardinals (3,771 Yards, 23 TDs)
“I just don't expect him to have more yards than last year though. He's aging, and with how the seven above him look, I wouldn't expect too much. Plus throw in the factor that he's probably going to lose one of his weapons in Anquan Boldin, and I don't expect as much as last year.”
So I think what he’s getting at is he doesn’t expect Warner to have the year he had last year? I think this is a good spot for Warner, the Cardinals were another team that snuck up on a lot of people last year, but they go into this season as the “hunted” not the “hunters,” their division is improved, and with the addition of Chris Wells, Warner’s stats are likely to fall. So I think Warner’s stats are likely to fall (come on Caleb, his wasn’t that obvious). Warner at number 8, I can dig it.

No. 7: Jay Cutler, Chicago Bears (3,850 Yards, 23 TDs)
At one point in this section Bradley refers to Mike Shanahan as Jay Culter’s “butt buddy.” I didn’t realize that was the case, I also didn’t know you could say “buddy” on a major sport reporting website. Here is my prediction on this one: “Brett Favre will come back and quarterback the Minnesota Vikings, and he will put up better stats than Jay Culter.”
You probably won’t believe me but I was of firm believe the Jets would go after a QB in the draft and then Favre would say he wanted to come back, but they wouldn’t want him so they’d have to cut or trade him and Favre would somehow end up with the Vikings. Now, it didn’t work out exactly as I envisioned it, but bottom line Favre is a free agent, and last time I checked the Vikings best option at that position was free agent, 41 year old Jeff George. Favre is two years younger; of course he’s the better choice. But this isn’t about Favre coming back this is about Cutler and why he shouldn’t be on this list. The Bears face the Vikings, who boast one of the best defenses in the league, and the Packers, who struggled mightily last season on defense but still boast two of the top shut down corners in the league. I believe the first time the Packers and Bears met up, the Packers held the Bear wide receivers without a catch for the ENTIRE GAME. Devin Hester isn’t even as good as Eddie Royal.
Secondly the Bears offensive line lost its two starting tackles. They are replacing them with, unproven first round pick from last year, Chris Williams and Orlando Pace. Olin Kruetz is old. The Bears are a running team. Have you ever tried to throw the ball in December in Chicago? New offensive system.
Caleb now you’re just throwing out random thoughts.
I know, I had to get them all in. I know he has all the physical tools, and I know I’m probably biased because of my “Green and Gold” glasses, but I don’t see this at all.
Oh yes one final fact: Diabetics turn to sugar cubes if the wind chill is below freezing. Look it up.

No. 6: Matt Cassel, Kansas City Chiefs (3,930 Yards, 23 TDs)
This has to be the biggest surprise to me, but potentially could be a great sleeper (Chris, you’re a Chiefs fan let me know what you think about this one).
Two facts: Matt Cassel had a heck of a year with the Patriots. Matt Cassel no longer plays for the Patriots.
Two factors working against him: No one to throw too. He plays for the Kansas City Chiefs.
Two factors working for him: He plays for the Kansas City Chiefs.
Caleb that’s only one.
I know I couldn’t think of another one. I just don’t see Cassel having the same type of numbers he put up last year, with an all-star supporting cast, this year. His receivers are much worse, his running game is probably a little better which will take yards and TD’s away from his stats, and his line is improving, but I don’t see it as the dominant wall he had in front of him in NE. The positive on this is he will, theoretically, be playing from behind a lot. That means more passing opportunities, but if you only have one option to throw too…
Final verdict? Seems a bit high to me.

No. 5: Ben Roethlisberger, Pittsburgh Steelers (4,012 Yards, 25 TDs)
I don’t know if there is one Steelers fan who wants Roethlisberger to throw for this many yards. The Steelers are a smash mouth team. With Willie Parker and Rashad Mendenhall back I can’t imagine Big Ben would even approach this total. He never has too date, according to Mr. Bradley. I don’t think he does it this year either. I don’t like Roethlisberger, but I do think he is a top 10 quarterback in the league right now. However, in the Pittsburgh Steelers system I don’t see him putting up these numbers.
Too high.

And that wraps it up.
Caleb you stopped at five.
What are you a math teacher? Yes I did stop at five. The top four could possibly use some rearranging, but I often find myself splitting hairs in arguments and I’m not going to do that this time. For those of you who didn’t see the list and are curious to know how it went here you go:
4. Phillip Rivers, Chargers
3. Tom Brady, Patriots
2. Peyton Manning, Colts
1. Drew Brees, Saints

Yes Force I know you hate Rivers, but he had a solid year last year, and returns most, if not all, of his offense no reason to think he won’t improve. Brady could be a bit of a question mark, but if he’s 70% with that offensive line, and the talent on the field and on the sidelines he should be just fine. Peyton Manning did lose Marvin Harrison and Anthony Gonzalez as good as he may be will never be as good as Harrison. And the Colts did draft another running back, so he stats could take a small hit, but I’m guessing he’ll come out like he always does, smelling like a rose. At least until the playoffs roll around. And Brees at number 1. Yes I think that’s a bit of a reach, improved defense and a healthy running game should bring his number down. But he has a great offense around him and I guess it wouldn’t surprise me if he cranked out another near record setting year.

Speaking of near record breaking, how much do you think Marino had to pay him last year to throw that last pass incomplete instead of going for the easy underneath completion to give him the record? They have that phone right there on the sidelines. And you know Marino was watching the game. Did you seriously think that was Brees talking to his Offensive Coordinator? Doesn’t the Saints OC call the game from the field? Just throwing that out there.

But now the reason this article was written in the first place, where does Aaron Rodgers belong on this list?
I would put him ahead of Palmer, Ryan, Cutler, Cassel, and Warner I guess, if that’s all the better stats he’s going to put up, so I'd put him at five. Possibly even ahead of Big Ben, but that might be getting greedy.

Truth be told though, in a perfect world the Packers running game would be much improved thus increasing the number of yards and touchdowns for Ryan Grant, and the defense should be much better, meaning the Packers may not be forced to throw as much. That into consideration I could see Rodgers slipping down the list a little, but absolutely in the top 10 statistically. And hopefully he will be number one in the most important category.
Wins?
No silly, touchdowns. The most important statistical category is touchdowns.

Amateurs.

*The reason I feel the addition of LeSean McCoy helps McNabb, is because it should help Brian Westbrook make it through the season
healthy, and McNabb is a much better QB when he has Westbrook.
**Week 9
***Many fans believe the r and the v in Favre’s name are switched. Common mistake. Especially for a drunk Bills fan****
****He may or may not have actually been drunk. Green Bay fans often just assume everyone that watches football gets as inebriated as
they do while taking in their favorite team.

Roster Breakdown 2.0

2009-04-29T06:38:00.008-05:00

After posting my prediction for the opening day roster for the Minnesota Twins, I read through it and thought, Man this seems long a boring. So I decided to do another Twins report. This time I would be brief, and create something that even those who are not followers of the Twins and perhaps not even followers of baseball could still enjoy. So I bring you my roster breakdown 2.0. And for all of you dying to know, my prediction for the Opening Day roster was 100%. The only blemish was Scott Baker going on the DL right before the season began, which allowed Brian Duensing to head north with the team for a week or so before Baker came back. Anyway just thought I’d toot my horn a yittle bit there, because after all it is my horn and I don’t mind tooting it because I don’t want anybodies else’s lips on it because it is after all… my horn.
Quick question Caleb, “Why did it take you this long to post your 2.0 version of your roster breakdown?

Truthfully? I had to wait until Jose Mijares was called up again, because I had a really good one-liner I wanted to use for him.

Position Players

Alexi Casilla – He has a girl’s first name, which is fitting because he swings like one.

Joe Crede – If his back stays healthy, he could take this team for a ride (that’s what she said).

Michael Cuddyer – For years he was the Twins top prospect, now he’s their overpaid outfielder.

Carlos Gomez – Here is a list of things he excels at: striking out, kissing his bat, over sliding second base… Catch my drift?

Jason Kubel – Where does an outfielder with two bad knees play? DH.

Joe Mauer* – Two things in life are guaranteed: death, taxes, and Joe Mauer on the disabled list (see what I did there, smiley face).

Justin Morneau – The best thing to come from Canada since… Best thing to come from Canada, EVER.

Nick Punto – Golden with the glove, gaudawful with the bat.

Mike Redman – Fact: Walks around the club house naked. What’s not to like?

Denard Span – He’s the MLB’s version of a shut down corner (outfielder).

Delmon Young – The only thing bigger than his lips, is his potential.

Brian Buscher – Wait, he’s still on the team?

Brendan Harris – He’s versatile. Kind of like a “female with good looks, who cooks and cleans.”

Jose Morales – He went 4-4 in a game against the Indians. He also allowed a passed ball on a pitch out. WHAT!

Pitching Staff

Scott Baker – Gives up more homeruns than a BP** pitcher.

Nick Blackburn – His performances to date have been forgettable.

Fransico Liriano – Gardy says his changeup is looking “Santana like.” Sounds like Gardy got too much Florida sun.

Glen Perkins – Bert and Dick*** interviewed him during one of the Twins games versus the Blue Jays. I think he’s still talking.

Kevin Slowey – On pace to be undefeated. Like Alexander the Great.

Relievers

Luis Ayala – He pitched in the WBC, meaning he’s either really patriotic or not smart enough to come up with an excuse.

Jesse Crain* – He’s going to need a “crane” to carry around his bloated ERA.

Matt Guerrier – The Twins bullpen is crap, and Guerrier is apoopy.

Joe Nathan – Smart enough to skip the WBC. But not smart enough to keep his balls down (that's what she said).

Craig Breslow – Situational left-hander. Dream situation? He never comes in.

R.A. Dickey – How many pitchers can throw a knuckleball? And how many of those can throw it 80 mph?

Juan Morillo – Morilla rocks back, and lets her fly. He doesn’t know where it’s going, and neither do I.

Jose Mijares – Looks like he belongs on a “Save the Whales T-shirt.”

* Indicates player on the DL.

** Stands for batting practice.

*** Bert and Dick are the play-by-play announcers for the Twins.

Quantity, Not Quality

2009-04-29T06:35:00.001-05:00

I tried to get a print screen of this because a picture is like writing in color, but I didn’t snap it quick enough, so I’m just going to reconstruct it for you in black and white.
During the draft last weekend, ESPN had random poll questions flying through every 30 seconds or so it seemed. This was one of them:

Which team is most likely to get Mark Sanchez?

A. 5-10
B. 11-15
C. The Redskins
D. Other

I don’t know about you, but judging by past performances I don’t think team 5-10, or 11-15 have the cajones to make such a ballsy selection. But maybe I’m just old fashioned.

I rant because I care.

Sounds Like Mark Needs a New Pair of Pants

2009-04-29T06:33:00.001-05:00

I was watching an Arizona Diamondbacks game when I saw/heard the following:
The camera was panning through the stands and stopped on a young woman holding a sign which read:

“I’m 21 and all I want is a kiss from Justin Upton.”

To which Mark Grace, former first baseman for the Cubs and D’backs as well as others, responded:

“Ahhhhhh man, I don’t blame ya honey.”

Do get the full effect you really had to hear the “Ahhhhh” sound he made. You guys remember Jed describing Hugh Jackman in Kate and Leopold? It was down that alley.

Does It Hurt Being That Dumb?

2009-04-29T06:31:00.001-05:00

The following is an actual quote from the Angels TV broadcaster during a game against the Detroit Tigers, when one of the Angel players got a little shaken up during a minor collision at first base:

“When you see the first basemen in your way like that you can’t slow down. You’ve got to go throw him. Otherwise someone is going to get hurt. You have the momentum.”

Translation: Someone is going to get hurt either way, it my as well be the other guy?
What did this nimrod do for an encore?

Plenty.

He later referred to one of the Angel pitchers as “Mark Bulger.” Wrong sport sweety, he plays football. He predicted his team was going to give up at least five runs in a half inning, when after the Tigers pitcher retired the Angels in the bottom of the eighth and the score 10-5 in favor of the Angels he announced: “Nate Robertson will probably be the next pitcher for the Tigers.” Why would the Tigers need another pitcher? You don’t get to hit in the bottom of the ninth if you’re winning. How could you not know this? And then to ice the “cake,” and by cake I mean his fellow announcer, he attempted what appeared to be his own version of a “snuff” film on his co-worker; I know it sounds like I’m making all of this up I assure you I am not.

How Fast is Too Fast?

2009-04-29T06:28:00.002-05:00

I started watching the latest of the Fast and the Furious motion pictures. I can’t remember what variation of the title this one answers to, but I thought I would share some of my initial thoughts with you guys.

First when did Michelle Rodriquez become so ridiculously ugly? She looks like a pit bull. Always with that lip raised smirk and acting all butch. Could she kick my poop dispenser?
Yes.
Is that a turn on?
No. If I wanted to date someone that could beat me up I’d stick to guys.

Second, are these motion pictures not the trifecta of overrated actors? Paul Walker, Vin Diesel, and Michele Rodriquez, are all hopelessly awful actors with extremely overrated looks. Well except for Paul Walker. If this guy had just a hint of talent he could be the biggest thing since Brad Pitt, but he doesn’t so he’s probably closer to Keanu Reeves. If Keanu Reeves was attractive.

Thirdly, five minutes into the film I recognize a face from the last Fast and the Furious motion picture, Tokyo Drift. The problem? The character this Asian played in TD died. Using the same actor for a different role seemed extremely tacky to me. So I went to imdb.com just to make sure it was actually him. Not only was it the same actor, but he had the SAME NAME.
So now I’m trying to think of how they are going to pull this one off. Did he not really die in the last motion picture, are they going to pretend he’s a different guy, or what. Well I only had to wait another minute to get my answer. The Asian guy, Han, comes up to Diesel they chat about going their separate ways and how it’s getting to dangerous to be around Diesel, and so Han says, and I quote: “I hear their doing some crazy stuff in Tokyo.” WAIT A MINUTE. Let’s recap: first there was The Fast and the Furious then when they tried to do a sequel Diesel wanted too much money so they went a different direction. Then they decide to make a third motion picture and apparently can’t afford any of the original actors save for a cameo appearance from Vin Diesel, who perhaps realized he’s not a good actor and the demand for him is dwindling quicker than Barak Obama’s fan base, and after all of this they then decide to make a fourth motion picture. The final chapter in the Trilogy no doubt, and suddenly everyone is back on board again, but instead of just having the time line of the films the same as the time line of which they came out, we now don’t know if Fast and Furious is taking place directly after the first motion picture, or after the second, but we do know that it is happening somewhere between one and three. Come on, what a joke. Is this a big deal? Yes, it is.

And finally, my biggest problem with the film: predictable lines. Diesel and his sister are sitting in the car talking about golly knows what and she says something like, “you’ve gotta stop doing this before it’s too late,” which prompted me to say out loud, to myself, “if he says it’s already too late,” I am going to turn this off right now. And I did.

Now I’m probably going to finish watching the motion picture at some point in the future, but seriously would it be too much to ask, too get some originality in the script. You have cars going 60 mph in reverse. You have semi-trailers flipping over cars and exploding, but you can think of something more original than, “it’s already too late.” Please.
Oh yeah and one final thing, this maybe be a spoiler so if you don’t want to know stop reading now you have been warned, about 10 minutes into the motion picture Michelle Rodriquez’s character is killed. I think it was her; I wasn’t paying a lot of attention. And I thought to myself YAY, not only did you kill off one of the crappy actors, but now you have a real revenge driven plot. Well I don’t know because I didn’t finish the motion picture, but I’m about 90% sure Rodriquez isn’t dead. Call it a hunch, but something tells me they’re going to go the, “oh I faked I was dead and now I’m alive and we’re all together and saying crappy lines to each other at the same time” route. I hope I’m wrong.

I rant because I care.

Missing Vote

2009-04-28T07:39:00.002-05:00

Some time between the times of 5:33 a.m. and 7:32 a.m. this morning someone voted on our polls. However, when that person voted it only registered their vote for the procrastination poll, and not for the draft poll. If that person reads this please respond with who you voted for in the second poll and we will be sure to add your vote in. As Norm Coleman would say: "every vote counts, and blah, blah, blah, blah. Blah blah."
Thank you all and to all a good day.

It's Gonna Be Huge

2009-04-28T05:33:00.003-05:00

I'm not going to highlight the mistake this time. See if you can find it.

And Ryan, you have to sit this one out, at least for awhile.

Watson, not Christiansen.

Morgan Freeman Dives a Camry*

2009-04-28T05:18:00.005-05:00

It was Earth Day one of the days last week. You all remember Earth Day right? It’s another one of those holidays that don’t get you out of school/work, so no one considers it a real holiday, and instead they forget about it, like Hanukah. Well this year we tried to do our part to make sure Earth Day didn’t go unnoticed this year. How do you do that?
By having a poll question about it of course. You guys do know that’s why we had a poll on right?

What are your plans for Earth Day? 24 total votes

With 3 votes and 12.5% of the total vote – Skip work and join the Commies in protesting at the Capital. I didn’t know people actually did this. Apparently you can get a day off for Earth Day; I guess it’s not as useless of a holiday as I thought. Sorry Hanukah looks like it’s to the back of the line for you again. I’ve never had a job, and if fortune does me right I hope to never have one, so this answer didn’t make a whole lot of sense to me. Apparently three of the voters on this blog do work, so out of 24 voters we have three that are employed. I would have expected less.

With 4 votes and 17% of the total vote – Don’t know. Don’t care. Really four of you said “Don’t know. Don’t care. Shame on you (you should have voted for “Club and eat a baby seal). One voter, who checked this tab, told me that they would have voted for “Club and eat Al Gore,” had it been an option. We’ll try and remember that one for next year. And as always we appreciate the input.

With 8 votes and 33% of the total vote – I vow not to throw trash out my car window. Well I believe congratulations are in order:
“Congratulations to the 16 voters who never throw trash out of their windows regardless of whether or not it’s Earth Day.”
And for the eight of you planning on taking a break from your shenanigans, well I guess we all have to start somewhere.

And in first place with 9 votes and 37.5% of the total vote – Club and eat a baby seal.
When I saw this answer I said to myself: This is gonna be a winner. And a week later you the voters proved me correct. I’ve never eaten meat. I would never do that. But I would club and eat a baby seal.
Really?
Of course not. Baby seals are SOOOOO cute.
Then why did you vote for the answer?
Because I would club and eat a grow up seal, because their ugly and mean. But probably harder to club and too much to eat, so since baby seals all grow up to be ugly mean grown up seals. By clubbing and eating the baby seal I’d actually be doing it a favor. Like telling every black college quarterback, and every white high school running back to switch positions.
So you would club and eat a baby seal?
Well I don’t think it’s as bad as you’re making it sound.
Did you like my Barak Obamaish answers?

Who is your favorite African American actor? 22 total votes

With 0 votes and 0% of the total vote – Samuel L. Jackson, “Have you seen my movies? A shark ATE me.” Well Mr. Jackson if this doesn’t show you the light I don’t know what will. In a poll asking for favorite African American actors you received less votes than Eddie Murphy. I received as many votes as you did, and I’m not that dark. Samuel L. Jackson is not a bad actor. He might be the best on this list.
Did you vote for him?
Are you retarded? No one voted for him. But I would vote for him if his movie selection didn’t suck more than all of Quinton Tarantino’s motion pictures.
Ha. That’s ironic because Jackson was in Pulp Fiction.
Any way like I was saying: Snakes On A Plane, Black Snake Moan, The Spirit, Lake View Terrace, and that stupid movie where you wore a kilt are just a small sampling of films that should probably have gone straight to DVD and then straight into the trash, wait since we were just talking about Earth Day perhaps they could go straight to a DVD RW and then be burned over. The Spirit wasn’t terrible, neither was Snakes, but they’re all a long way from, “Yes they deserve to die, and I hope they burn in HELL!” of A Time to Kill. Of course it’s hard to get much better than that.

With 1 vote and 1% of the total vote – Eddie Murphy, no I’m not going to go with a “Nutty Professor” or “Norbit” joke. He “accidentally” picked up a male prostitute. I’m guessing the one vote Murphy received was from that transsexual prostitute he picked up all those years ago. Well I guess there could have been more than one, and he was just more careful after the first time. My question is this: “Is Eddie Murphy so hard to get along with that he has to play every part in his movies or else they would never get done? Or does he simply suffer from multiple personality disorder. And if that is the case, how has somebody not diagnosed that yet? But do you know what the worst thing to come as a result of Eddie Murphy? Tyler Perry. If Murphy hadn’t started dressing up like a chick, Martin Lawrence would have never tried it. And if Martin Lawrence wouldn’t have tried it then Tyler Perry would have never tried it. Here is my problem with Tyler Perry: He writes the scripts for his movies and TV shows. Hey fruity. Just write in a part for yourself as a dude. You’re a DUDE.
Reporter: Is wearing women’s underwear part of your turn on?
Perry: Well no, it’s not just the underwear, it’s the slip, the puffy sleeves, the bra, and of course the make-up.
Have I worn a bra before?
Absolutely I have, but I’ve never dressed up as a woman and then accessorized. That’s called being a homo.

With 4 votes and 18% of the total vote – Denzel Washington, most of his movies leave you empty and unsatisfied (that’s what she said). He might be the most overrated African American actor since Halle Berry. She won an Oscar for Monster’s Ball. The only thing less inspiring than her performance in that movie was Heath Ledger’s, and he killed himself after the first 20 minutes. The best movie Washington ever made was Remember the Titans. Out of Time was ok. That movie with the annoying little girl was not only unrealistic, but extremely overrated. Although I did like the part where he said, “I wish, you had, more time.” BOOM. Always love that one. Oh and Déjà vu? That movie wasn’t brilliant it sucked like all time travel movies do. Here’s a tip: if you are thinking about doing a time travel movie, DON’T. There was already three Back to the Future motion pictures. Between that and Time Machine I think audiences across American have earned themselves a break.

With 6 votes and 28% of the total vote – Will Smith, (insert some witty line here). Why did I put “(insert witty line here)?” Because what I wanted to say kept coming out way too long. Someone tell me why the “Prince” of Bel Air went from the most popular kid in high school, to an adult with absolutely no friends. He was young and carefree. Now he’s old and disgruntled. What happened to the happy go lucky, crappy rapper of the early 90s? I Am Legend, Seven Pounds, The Pursuit of Happyness (okay at least this one had a happy ending), I Robot, Hancock, Ali (I didn’t actually see Ali, but he beat people up for a living, and ended up with Parkinson’s enough said), what do they all have in common? The brightest part in all of them was when they ended and you realized none of what just happened would ever happen in real life (Ali excluded?). I had a friend tell me he’s trying to win an Oscar. Well that’s probably true, but isn’t everyone?
No your right, everyone else is just trying to make money. Well good for you Will, way to put the money aside and strive for a much higher goal like an Oscar. The most idiotic award since the Heisman. Will stop making serious “gosh my life sucks” movies and start having fun again. In The Pursuit of Happyness I could see your hair has already started to turn gray. I know George Clooney can pull it off, but I just don’t think it works for you. I really think-
Caleb, he’s not really getting gray hair. It was just like that for the motion picture.
They have that kind of power?

And in first place with 11 votes and 50% of the total vote – Morgan Freeman, his voice makes me misty-eyed, and makes up for those awful teeth. If I was making a list of the best African American actors five years ago, I’m not sure I would have even put Freeman on this list. If I made the same list today, he might be the only name on it. It’s not because he’s done so many great films over the past five years, it’s because I’ve just recently begun to appreciate what a solid actor/narrator he is. James Earl Jones may have been the first iconic voice in narration, but Freeman has not only climbed up to JEJ’s seat, he’s managed to verbally knock JEJ out of the seat, out of the room, and out of the building. A sampling of motion pictures he has starred in: Shawshank Redemption, Se7en, Wanted, High Crimes, Million Dollar Baby, Lucky Number Slevin, Gone Baby Gone and Thick as Thieves. All of these are better than average. I didn’t even include the Batman motion pictures. Mostly because he doesn’t have a major role in them, and mostly because Christian Bale ruins those motion pictures. Christian, Swing Kids was your best film, and please don’t yell at me for insulting your portrayal of Batman. I’m very sensitive, and I would hate for you to see me cry.

Hope you enjoyed the results. And don’t forget to vote for both polls this week.

Oh and one last thing. When you are kind enough to vote, be sure to check the number of votes on each poll before and after you vote to make sure they register. We have been having trouble with that in the past few weeks. If you find one of your votes hasn't registered, let us know via a comment, or email and we will make sure your vote is added on in some way. Thanks again.
*Well he did drive a Camry, but he got into a major accident with it last summer I believe. If you have that much cash and still drive a Camry... Well I'll just leave it at that. You formulate your own opinions.

Let's Recap

2009-04-28T02:21:00.011-05:00

I received some feedback about how my mock draft was “simply awful,” “not even close,” “swing and a miss,” and “at least you’re trying.” So I thought I would break it down for you again to prove: A. this isn’t as easy as it looks, and 2. I wasn’t that far off, and III. I never said how the draft would pan out, just how it should have. I think there were two sports that I was way off, Seattle taking a QB, which was dumb of me because I actually didn’t believe it made that much sense to begin with, and Indy taking Robiskie. However, other than that I think although not always completely accurate my takes were pretty good. Out of a total of 50 possible points I scored a 20.
How did I come up with my point system?
Easy, two points for correct position and player. One point for correct position. Half a point for getting a player with in one place of where he was actually drafted. Half a point for predicting the Colts would go after help on the offensive side of the ball when they clearly should have gone with help for the defense. Half a point for correctly predicting the Giants would go with a pass catcher. Half a point for predicting the Lions would take an OT because they took Pettigrew, who is like another blocker. Half a point for saying the Patriots would draft CB Darius Butler because they did, just not in the first round. And half a point for picks 5 and 17 combined, because in both places I had the original team picking a WR, and in both places the team traded, and another team came in and took a QB.

Caleb, that doesn’t make any sense.
SHUT UP. I make the rules here.
How did I come up with 50 points total?
Any pick that was traded became ineligible, and could not affect me negatively. Also the Raiders and Chiefs picks were ineligible because they were stupid and completely defied logic.
And if you still aren’t impressed with 20 out of 50, then I suggest you take a look here. These guys were predicting how they thought the draft WOULD go not how it SHOULD, like I was, and I still did as well, if not better than most of them.

Here’s the recap.

1. Detroit Lions
My pick: Matt Stafford, QB, Georgia
Actual pick: SAME
We could have ended the draft right here. One pick in, and one pick right. It’s called batting 1.000, and I was loving it. Did I already know Stafford was the pick before I created my “mock” possibly. We you don’t have a franchise quarterback you have to take one. I wasn’t in love with Stafford, but apparently the Lions were. Either that or they were desperate. Maybe the latter, but this pick makes some sense.

2. St. Louis Rams
My pick: Eugene Monroe, T, Virginia
Actual pick: Jason Smith, T, Baylor
Ok, technically I got this pick wrong, but everyone knew it was going to be an OT, and almost everyone thought it would be Jason Smith. I decided to go with a phone flip. Do I regret my decision? I can assure you I do not. Monroe was good enough to force Brandon Alberts inside when the two played together two years ago. Brandon Alberts started left tackle for the Chiefs last year. Jason Smith started out as a TE. Both will probably be solid players, but I’d rather have Monroe, he makes more sense. I stick with my decision.

3. Kansas City Chiefs
MP: Brian Orakpo, DE, Texas
AP: Tyson Jackson, DE, LSU
Ok so I picked the wrong player again, but guess what, Orakpo is a DE, yes he would have projected as on OLB for the Chiefs but now you’re splitting hairs, and so is Jackson. I’m still counting this as an accurate pick, well at least half right. Am I upset that I didn’t get it completely right? No. Because this pick doesn’t make sense. IF Raji was gone, or Curry and the Chiefs picked in the teens then maybe. I don’t think Jackson would have gone before nine, and possibly not before 12 to the Broncos. Maybe the Chiefs couldn’t find a trading partner in that range. I don’t know.

4. Seattle Seahawks
MP: Mark Sanchez, QB, Southern California
AP: Aaron Curry, OLB, Wake Forest
Well I should have known better than to believe the Seahawk Sanchez rumors, but I’m guessing the Seahawks thought, like everyone else, that the Chiefs were going to take Curry not a block eating DE. AH, it appears the Jackson pick screwed more than just the Chiefs. Here is why I didn’t have Curry going to the Seahawks: one year ago the Seahawks signed Lofa Tatupu to a six year $42 million extension. They then franchised LeRoy Hill, meaning he would make an estimated $8.3 million this next season. This caused them to trade Julian Peterson to the Lions because they didn’t want to have all that money tied up in their linebacking core. So picking Aaron Curry at four wouldn’t make any sense. However, apparently Curry was too good to pass up because not only did they pick him, but word out of Seattle is they have now unfranchised LeRoy Hill. They must really think Curry is special. Did you hear that Chief fans?

5. Cleveland Browns
MP: Michael Crabtree, WR, Texas Tech
AP: Mark Sanchez, QB, Southern California: by New York Jets.
I did not project any trades, and if I would have tried too, I never would have thought this would go down, so with the pick I get a big swing and a miss. However, since there was a trade this pick doesn’t count towards my overall score. Does Mark Sanchez make sense for the Jets? Well they have a solid offensive line and a good ground game. The only real weakness is WR. Oh and that defense looked very shaky down the stretch, but I suppose bringing in Ryan will be a big help in that area.

6. Cincinnati Bengals
MP: Aaron Curry, OLB, Wake Forest
AP: Andre Smith, T, Alabama
I was way off on this pick. Even if I had projected an OT it wouldn’t have been Smith. The Bengals need help in so many areas, that I’m assuming OT was one of them, however taking Smith, who could be better than Monroe but has major character issues, wasn’t what a team trying to fix their “thug” like image needed.

7. Oakland Raiders
MP: Jason Smith, T, Baylor:
AP: Darrius Heyward-Bey, WR, Maryland:
Yes I saw mock drafts, a lot of them, predicting DHB going to the Raiders. But I, and I’m guessing most others, don’t believe it is the right pick. Taking a receiver not named Crabtree, when Crabtree is available is a M-I-S-T-A-K-E.

8. Jacksonville Jaguars
MP: Andre Smith, T, Alabama
AP: Eugene Monroe, T, Virginia
I predicted one of the top three OT would fall to them, and one did. I predicted they would draft that player… and they did. You may consider this a miss, I do not. Needed OT help, even with the signing of Tra Thomas, and they got it.

9. Green Bay Packers
MP: B.J. Raji, DT, Boston College:
AP: SAME
Raji fell to them, and so did Crabtree. I wanted Crabtree, but Raji was the right pick. And it helped my mock draft. I win twice brotha.

10. San Francisco 49ers
MP: Jeremy Maclin, WR, Missouri
AP: Michael Crabtree, WR, Texas Tech
I predicted they would take Maclin. What position does he play? They took Crabtree. What position does he play? Put it on the board YES.

11. Buffalo
MP: Michael Oher, T, Mississippi
AP: Aaron Maybin, DE, Penn State
Yes I was completely off on this pick. Upgrading the pass rush was a need for the Bills, so in that regard this pick makes some sense. However, Maybin projects to be an OLB and is too light to be a “hand in the grass” DE. Orakpo, might have been the better pick here, but apparently the Bills loved Maybin’s first step. Not a terrible pick. However, Maybin went 11th I had him going 12th looking at the chart. And yes, I get another half point.

12. Denver Broncos
MP: Aaron Maybin, DE, Penn State
AP: Knowshon Moreno, RB, Georgia
Closed circuit to Josh McDaniels: “If you’re going to take a RB with your first pick, don’t sign 15 of them during free agency. And don’t tell me you didn’t think he was going to be available. The highest I saw a RB going was 14 to the Saints, and it was “Beanie” Wells. Apparently the Broncos decided there were just too many holes to fill on defense, and think the only way to win is to score more points than their opponents. We’ll see.

13. Washington Redskins
MP: Everette Brown, DE, Florida State
AP: Brian Orakpo, DE, Texas
The Redskins needed to upgrade their pass rush. And they did. They took about 30 seconds to make their pick. Kudos and may others follow in your footsteps. On another note, I had Brown going here, which I admitted was probably high; He didn’t go until the second round. Yikes way off.

14. New Orleans Saints
MP: Malcolm Jenkins, CB-S, Ohio State
AP: SAME
Right on again. Needed help in the secondary: drafted Jenkins, who would have been a top 15 pick last year. He brings size and versatility to a secondary that needs it most. Great pick. I predicted it them taking him, what did you think I was gonna say.

15. Houston Texans
MP: Vontae Davis, CB, Illinois
AP: Brian Cushing, LB, USC
I’ll admit I don’t follow the Texans very closely at all. I took a big, random swing, and all I got was a stiff breeze. Cushing seems to be a solid pick, and a good value. They got him after the Broncos could have snagged him, and right before the run of 3-4 teams, Chargers, Browns, Broncos, that probably would have snatched him up given the chance.

16. San Diego Chargers
MP: Tyson Jackson, DE, LSU
AP: Larry English, DE, Northern III
Obviously Jackson was no longer around, and when you play a 3-4 defense OLB’s are always at a premium. However, I’m not sure English was the best one available here. I guess we’ll see. Also this pick may say something about how Merriman’s knee is doing. Uh oh.

17. New York Jets
MP: Darrius Heyward-Bey, WR, Maryland
AP: Josh Freeman, QB, Kansas St: Tampa Bay Buccaneers.
Another trade so another DNQ as far as total score goes, but a solid pick I guess, as long as the Bucs see Freeman as a franchise QB, and as long as they give him ample time to mature. I wouldn’t have traded up for him, obviously they were afraid the Broncos were going to take him, so what are you gonna do.

18. Denver Broncos (from Chicago)
MP: Rey Maualuga, ILB, Southern California
AP: Robert Ayers, DE, Tennessee
The trade between Cleveland and Tampa Bay could turn out best for Denver. If Freeman fell to the Broncos they probably would have taken him. And that would have meant with two first round picks and one of the worst defenses in the league last year the Broncos would have gone offensive twice. That would have been a tough sell. However, it would also be tough to pass on Freeman’s potential, so the Broncos owe a big thank you to the Bucs I think. Ayers is a need pick, and although it may have been a little high, he was probably the best 3-4 DE behind Jackson. And getting a 3-4 DE at 18 seems much safer than at three. But I guess we’ll see.

19. Tampa Bay Buccaneers
MP: Brian Cushing, OLB, USC
AP: Jeremy Maclin, WR, Missouri: Philadelphia Eagles.
The trade by the Eagles to get Maclin here seems like a great value. I would have thought a RB to help with Westbrook’s workload would have made more sense, but they addressed that later with McCoy. I think the value for Maclin is good. He kind of reminds me too much of a WR they already have in DeSean Jackson though, just bigger. I guess we’ll see.

20. Detroit Lions (From Dallas)
MP: Eben Britton, T, Arizona
AP: Brandon Pettigrew, TE, Oklahoma State
I thought they needed offensive line help. So I had them reach a little for Britton. Pettigrew is a decent value here, but he’s lack of vertical speed is worrisome. Also for a team with huge needs on the defensive side of the ball, a TE seems to make little to no sense. Supporters of the pick say that with his blocking skills it’s almost like taking an OT. Yeah except this OT is really slow.

21. Philadelphia Eagles
MP: Knowshon Moreno, RB, Georgia
AP: Alex Mack, C, California: Cleveland Browns.
After trading down three times I believe, the Browns settled here and took Mack. I don’t know what to say. Centers don’t usually go that high; the Browns had other needs; does he drive a MAC truck? Is a MAC truck a real thing?

22. Minnesota Vikings
MP: Josh Freeman, QB, Kansas St
AP: Percy Harvin, WR, Florida
I think it was always going to be Harvin or Vontae Davis, with Havrin’s positive drug test I would have bet against him. Davis would have made more sense here than Harvin, even if Harvin was a model citizen. I know he is an elite talent, but he doesn’t have a real position. He’s a speed demon, well the Vikings just paid Bernard Berrian millions of dollars to be their deep threat, and my final naysayer comment. It doesn’t matter how fast you are if your QB can’t get you the ball. Reggie Bush was more of a talent coming out of USC, and look how that explosiveness has translated. If they use him as RB he’s going to be taking attempts away from Adrian Peterson. Okay maybe that was more than one.

23. New England Patriots
MP: Darius Butler, CB, Connecticut
AP: Michael Oher, T, Mississippi: Baltimore Ravens.
Another trade. BLAST. I should have known better than to assume the Ravens would upgrade their receiving corps. Oher is a solid value here, if OT was a need.

24. Atlanta Falcons
MP: Peria Jerry, DT, Mississippi
AP: SAME
Ah ha. Another perfect match. Fills a need, great value, and gives me a point in my mock draft. I love the pick. Enough said.

25. Miami Dolphins
MP: Robert Ayers, DE, Tennessee
AP: Vontae Davis, CB, Illinois
I think that Davis was a great value at 25, and judging by the fact the Dolphins used this and their second round pick on CBs I’m guessing it also filled a need. It doesn’t help my mock, but at least it helped the Dolphins.

26. Baltimore Ravens
MP: Hakeem Nicks, WR, North Carolina
AP: Clay Matthews III, OLB, Southern California : Green Bay Packers.
Shockingly the Packers traded back into the first round to select Matthews. Another shock was two players with a III after their names were selected in the first round. This was a solid pick for the Packers, but I think they gave up an awful lot to get it.

27. Indianapolis Colts
MP: Brian Robiskie, WR, Ohio State
AP: Donald Brown, RB, Connecticut
Suggesting Robiskie here, was a stretch, the only reason I used it, was due to the fact that the Colts always draft offensively to help Peyton Manning, when there is even the slightest need. With Marvin Harrison’s retirement, I thought WR would be the pick. Well I was right about going with offense, jut wrong about the position. Do I wish the Packers would have had the same draft philosophy when Favre was here? Ah DUH. Am I bitter? Absolutely not. I love the way: Terrell Buckley, Wayne Simmons, George Teague, Craig Newsome, Vonnie Holiday, Antuan Edwards, and Jamal Reynolds turned out.

28. Buffalo Bills (from Philadelphia through Carolina)
MP: Larry English, DE, Northern III
AP: Eric Wood, C, Louisville
Okay one center in the first round is ok. But two is one too many. Buffalo, you traded away your left tackle, not your center. He signed with the Packers as an UFA. Not who I expected, but I think it’s safe to say few expected this.

29. New York Giants
MP: Brandon Pettigrew, TE, Oklahoma State
AP: Hakeem Nicks, WR, North Carolina
Well they went with a pass catcher just not a receiver. With the loss of Plax this pick makes as much, probably more, sense as drafting Pettigrew. Nicks is a big physical receiver. However, how big remains to be seen, he apparently put on an ample number of pounds between the combine and his pro day. We’ll have to keep an eye on that.

30. Tennessee Titans
MP: Percy Harvin, WR, Florida
AP: Kenny Britt, WR, Rutgers
I didn’t know Britt was a first round talent. But I obviously the Titans were reading this blog and agreed with me that they needed a receiver and so they decided to reach for one. Did you guys know they signed Nate Washington this offseason too?

31. Arizona Cardinals
MP: Chris "Beanie" Wells, RB, Ohio State
AP: SAME
That’s right ladies and gentlemen, its pick 31 and I’m still getting them right. Beanie Wells has injury concerns, but is an extremely good value at 31. But please Arizona, please don’t keep Edge around now, Cut him and let him be a free agent like all the other has been stars: Marvin Harrison, Latrell Spreewell, Barry Bonds, you get my point.

32. Pittsburgh Steelers
MP: Alex Mack, C, California:
AP: Evander Hood, DT, Missouri
His nickname is “Ziggy” and he played on Missouri’s defense. A lot of people thought this was a good pick, but I think this sounds like something you should be smoking, or at the very least hitting with your fists. Or wearing if it was cold.

So “What do you think of my mock draft skills NOW!”

Mock it Up

2009-04-25T02:02:00.002-05:00

The draft is tomorrow. So that means today is the last possible day to put out a mock draft. Why would I wait until the last possible day?
Probably because I was waiting for all of my inside sources to give me all of their inside scoops.
Before I dive into the draft let me explain how this one is going to work. I have taken the list of the top 32 prospects in this draft according to ESPN, and I am going to take those 32 players and give them to the team that needs help at that position. I will then give my explanation as to why that pick makes sense. Two things to remember: 1. I am not saying this is the way the draft will go down. I am saying how I think it should. And B. Since I don’t have any actual “inside sources” I am going to rattle the picks off as they come, and I will not be projecting any trades.
Ladies and Gentlemen I give you the 2009 NFL Draft:

1. Detroit Lions
Matt Stafford, QB, Georgia: I was all ready to put B.J. Raji here, when I saw the Lions had already locked up Stafford. With the limited offensive talent around him, I’m not sure how successful Stafford can be. They’ll try to bring him along slowly I’m sure, but we’ll see how that turns out. Best case scenario he’s the next Jay Culter, which means he’ll put up solid passing statistics while winning about half of his starts, and will demand a trade in his third or fourth year.
“Come on Matt. I’m sure we can work something out.”
“NO! When I signed my contract you guaranteed me you would spend our first round draft pick on receivers for four of the next five years.”
Oh I look forward to watching this one play out.

2. St. Louis Rams
Eugene Monroe, T, Virginia: The Rams need help on the offensive line. It comes down to Monroe or Jason Smith. How did I choose? I flipped my phone. Why not a coin? I only deal in dough homie.

3. Kansas City Chiefs
Brian Orakpo, DE, Texas: It’s either Orakpo or Curry. Spending a top 5 pick on a linebacker who has limited pass rushing skills is too much of a risk. A.J. Hawk was the safest player when the Packers took him, and look how that turned out. Orakpo could conceivably have more sacks by himself than the Chiefs team had combined last season.

4. Seattle Seahawks
Mark Sanchez, QB, Southern California: IF they think Sanchez is a franchise quarterback, THEN they have to take him here, and let him learn the offense behind Matt Hasselbeck. However, how do you justify spending a top 5 pick on someone who may not play for two or three years. It’s a win now league and I don’t think Sanchez makes the Seahawks better. Also would the Seahawks really let the rumor out that they were going to take Sanchez a week before the draft? Picking Sanchez here just doesn't make any sense, and yet it makes so much sense. I don't know I'm confused. I'm going with the Sanchez pick. Yes I'm an idiot.

5. Cleveland Browns
Michael Crabtree, WR, Texas Tech: Rumor has it Braylon Edwards is on his way out. So where does that leave the Browns receiver wise? They’ve already traded Kellen Winslow Jr. Donte Stallworth is looking at a suspension, and they are trying to deal Braylon Edwards. Regardless of whether or not Braylon stays or goes, Crabtree still makes too much sense.

6. Cincinnati Bengals
Aaron Curry, LB, Wake Forest: I said top 5 was too high for a linebacker with limited pass rush ability. That’s why Curry falls to the Bengals at six. Yes they have other needs, but I think this comes down to Raji or Curry and I want the Pack to get Raji. Biased? Absolutely.

7. Oakland Raiders
Jason Smith, T, Baylor: Who is protecting JaMarcus Russell’s blindside? I don’t know. So let’s fix that by putting Jason Smith there. If, arguably, the best tackle in the draft falls to you at seven, you have to take him right? Offensive line help here, speedy receiver later.

8. Jacksonville Jaguars
Andre Smith, T, Alabama: Was considered the potential first pick in the draft as recently as this February. May not be long enough to play left tackle, and is a better run blocker than pass protector. He doesn’t just excel in run blocking he dominates. Jaguars like to run the ball, Smith helps them do that. Also the Torry Holt signing takes away some of the glare at wide receiver.

9. Green Bay Packers
B.J. Raji, DT, Boston College: If Raji falls to the Packers here, not only would he be the best player on the board, but he would also fill a huge need. Pickett is in a contract year and he is all the Packers have at the NT position.

10. San Francisco 49ers
Jeremy Maclin, WR, Missouri: This is a team that needs help at receiver, as well as a franchise QB. I think this is too high for Freeman, so why not take Maclin, who is rated by ESPN as the 11 best player in the draft.

11. Buffalo
Michael Oher, T, Mississippi: By trading away their franchise left tackle they must have had a good feeling about getting a solid replacement in the draft. Oher isn’t at the level of the three tackles taken before him, but is a decent value, and fills a need at 11. The linebacking core will just have to wait.

12. Denver Broncos
Aaron Maybin, DE, Penn State: Probably will take a long look at Tyson Jackson here. And he might be the right choice. However, defensive ends in a 3-4 defense basically just eat up blocks. The Broncos have a chance to grab Maybin, who has a lightning quick first step, to upgrade their anemic linebacking core here. They can then look for a DE with their second first round choice.

13. Washington Redskins
Everette Brown, DE, Florida State: They need pass rush help. Brown is a DE that projects into an OLB in the pros. It’s probably between Brian Cushing and Brown here, and I just feel Brown will appeal more to Daniel Snyder than Cushing. Is Snyder the one calling the shots? We’ll see.

14. New Orleans Saints
Malcolm Jenkins, CB-S, Ohio State: He might be too slow to play CB in the pros, but that’s fine because the Saints could use help at both positions. Getting the best overall CB/S in the draft at 14, that’s a coup.

15. Houston Texans
Vontae Davis, CB, Illinois: They have needs at the CB position. Getting Davis here may be a tad high, but he is the best cornerback behind Jenkins, and there are probably those who would argue he’ll be a better pro.

16. San Diego Chargers
Tyson Jackson, DE, LSU: The Chargers lost Igor Olshansky during free agency. If they aren’t sure about his replacement, they can take him right here. Jackson should be able to step in without missing a beat. Again it still may be a tad high for a 3-4 end, but without any gaping holes elsewhere the Chargers can afford this pick.

17. New York Jets
Darrius Heyward-Bey, WR, Maryland: The Jets have nothing at receiver. Okay fine, they have something called Jericho Cotchery. Like Jericho from the Bible? I don’t know. DHB could be the best receiver in the class. Of course this pick would make even more sense if he had someone to throw the ball to him. Say it ain’t so Brett. Say it ain’t so.

18. Denver Broncos (from Chicago)
Rey Maualuga, ILB, USC: They went with Maybin over Jackson, but still getting Maualuga here would be too good to pass up. Maybin, D.J. Williams, Maualuga, and Jarvis Moss has the potential to be a solid young linebacking core that could dominate. The get two solid LB’s and can still address the DL later in the draft. Perhaps with the selection of Ron Brace in the second round. Man that would be sweet.

19. Tampa Bay Buccaneers
Brian Cushing, OLB, USC: They cut Cato June and Derrick Brooks. Do they have their replacements already? Maybe, but getting Brian Cushing here would be a solid selection. As would Cushing’s teammate Rey Maualuga, the Bucs don’t need a MLB.

20. Detroit Lions (From Dallas)
Eben Britton, T, Arizona: For the second time in as many years the Lions go with an offensive linemen in the middle of the first round. For some reason they have a tendency of drafting the same position over and over again. Let’s hope the results are better this time around.

21. Philadelphia Eagles
Knowshon Moreno, RB, Georgia: If neither Wells nor Moreno are gone at this point, the Eagles have to take one of them. Beanie Wells has better measurables, but Moreno grades out higher, so he’s the pick. But the Eagles couldn’t go wrong with either one.

22. Minnesota Vikings
Josh Freeman, QB, Kansas St: The Vikings have been a QB short of a Superbowl contender for the past three years. If Freeman falls to the Vikings they have to take him. Sage Rosenfels isn’t the long term solution. Neither is T-Jack. But a 6-6 rocket-armed QB of African American decent, well that’s got to get Childress’s blood a boilin. He even has suspect accuracy. Gosh he’s like a Donavan McNabb clone.

23. New England Patriots
Darius Butler, CB, Connecticut: Every year they seem to need help at cornerback, but they never take one. This year will probably be the same, but since I’m projecting picks that make the most sense to me, I have them taking Butler. If he wasn’t so puny he’d have gone much sooner. Wait he’s 5’11? Never mind then.

24. Atlanta Falcons
Peria Jerry, DT, Mississippi: They need help EVERYWHERE on the defensive side of the ball. It doesn’t make sense to start in the secondary, when everyone knows getting pressure on the QB is where it all starts. Jerry will help take some of the load off of John Abraham.

25. Miami Dolphins
Robert Ayers, DE, Tennessee: There are several quality linebackers still available, if they want to go that direction here. However, Ayers is the second best 3-4 end prospect in this draft, and the Dolphins need line help more than LB help.

26. Baltimore Ravens
Hakeem Nicks, WR, North Carolina: A big physical receiver, Nicks will fit in nicely with the speedy Clayton on the other side. Derrick Mason, Nicks, and Mark Clayton will make a nice trio of receivers for the young Flacco. What about Heap you ask? Well in order to help the team, you must be on the field. In order to be on the field you have to be healthy. Heap never is.

27. Indianapolis Colts
Brian Robiskie, WR, Ohio State: Remember when they lost Brandon Stokely and they picked Anthony Gonzalez to replace him? Gonzalez played for OSU. So did Robiskie. Is it too much of a coincidence to think the Colts will go to the same school to replace Harrison? I hope not.

28. Buffalo Bills (from Philadelphia through Carolina)
Larry English, DE, Northern Ill: English was a DE in college but projects to be an outside linebacker in the NFL. He’s ability to get to the QB will be greatly appreciated by Bills fans.

29. New York Giants
Brandon Pettigrew, TE, Oklahoma State: I’m guessing the Kevin Boss fad is wearing off pretty quickly in NY. Getting the most complete TE here would be hard to pass up. WR is also a need, but after the Plax situation, I’m guessing they aren’t about to jump after Percy Harvin and his questionable attitude and failed drug test.

30. Tennessee Titans
Percy Harvin, WR, Florida: Like the Patriots, every year the Titans are supposed to go after a WR, but they never do. Well they do now, because it makes sense. Also Harvin played both WR and RB in college, so just call him a RB and everything’s hunky doory. His attitude issues? Hey these are the guys that drafted LenDale White, and the emotional roller coaster that is Vince Young. Maybe they’ve learned their lesson, but I’m guessing not.

31. Arizona Cardinals
Chris "Beanie" Wells, RB, Ohio State: If he were to fall to them here I don’t think anyone would complain. Well except maybe “Edge” but he’s been whining for a while now anyway. Plus if the Cardinals were too luck out and get Wells here, there’s just no way they’d keep “Edge” around too. That would just be rude.

32. Pittsburgh Steelers
Alex Mack, C, California: Everyone has the Steelers taking a center here. Well at least an offensive lineman. So if they’re all saying it, it must be true.

Wow.

Well folks there it is. That took way too long, and was not nearly as rewarding as I hoped it would be. As I’m sure you will figure out I didn’t go verbatim from the ESPN top 32 prospect list, but I think I got pretty close. Let me know what you think. I will say this, I’m going to sleep easier tonight knowing that I got at least one pick right. Enjoy the draft.

Better Late than Whenever

2009-04-21T01:51:00.002-05:00

A couple of quick updates. As I discovered last week, blogspot has some trouble with tallying poll votes at times. Every once in awhile it fails to count a vote, and won't let you vote again. If this happens to you, you can just post a comment letting us know what answer you tried to vote for and we will make sure your vote counts.
Also at the top left of the blog is a search bar, that I'm sure you all have noticed. You can use that to search for a word or a phrase within our blog. So if you don't want to suffer through some of the longer, Yawn, posts or if you were looking for a specific post, but can't remember the title feel free to give that search bar a shot.
I'm sure most of you have noticed the "SMART remarks" and "Grade it" that were added a couple weeks ago. The "SMART chart" on the right hand column informs you what each letter represents.
And finally as we've said before, if you have a poll idea feel free to send it to us via email at dis_house_5@hotmail.com. Although we can't guarantee we will use it right away, we will do our best to get to it eventually. Thanks for reading.

Super Cereal

2009-04-21T01:46:00.004-05:00

Because I spent a large part of Easter weekend traveling, and when I wasn’t traveling I was “dominating” in the Mendoza Family Easter Egg Hunt, my first Easter Egg Hunt ever, I didn’t prepare poll questions until late on Sunday night. Shawna had told me a couple of ideas she had for polls, and I accidently went with the wrong one. Her poll was supposed to ask what Easter candy you, our readers enjoy/look forward to the most. Since Easter is now over, this question is no longer relevant, however, perhaps you could drop the name of your favorite Easter treat via a SMART remark. This week, which was full of firsts for me, also had a first for our blog. Our first poll submitted by a reader. If any of you have ideas, feel free to email them too me at dis_house_5@hotmail.com. Ok now to the results.

What is the best solution for our (Shawna and Caleb) long distance relationship? 26 total votes

With 2 votes and 7% of the total vote – Fish or cut bait. I wasn’t sure if people were familiar with this expression. Being an expert outdoorsman and avid fisherman, obviously I am.
When was the last time you fished Caleb? I’ll do you one better when was the last time you were outdoors?
Ok point taken. So outdoorsmen/fisherman I am not, but at least I know what the expression means, so who’s laughing now. Oh and since you were mean to me, I have decided not to tell everyone what the expression means. HA, payback’s a sweet smelling flower that tastes good when you eat it isn’t it.

With 5 votes and 19% of the total vote – Shawna should move to Wisconsin and be unemployed like Caleb, and When did you guys start dating? I voted that Shawna should move to Wisconsin. I’m guessing that probably could have gone without saying. Why? You ask. Simple, Wisconsin is right next to Minnesota. Minnesota as a retarded version of welfare, so she could be unemployed and collect welfare. That’s called cooking your cake, and frosting it too. Would living in Wisconsin make Shawna eligible for welfare from Minnesota?
Well let’s put it this way, No. On to the other second place finisher, when did we start dating. This was kind of a throw in answer. I had already put the two moving options and the get married or break up bit, so there really wasn’t any other answer to use but this. Also I recently met Shawna’s professor for her UNO socialist class, and she asked us how long we had been dating. I told her it had been about a year and a half. And then Shawna said, actually the two year anniversary of us meeting is coming up sometime soon. To which her professor responded, “It’s funny how men and women view different dates for the start of relationships. For the girls it’s generally when you start dating, and for the boys it’s when they start having sex.”
Oh.
I guess then in girl talk we’ve been dating for just over a year and seven months. We started dating on September 11th 2007 (I know what you’re thinking, who picks that date to start a relationship. I will tell you what kind who just not now. But soon. Probably in another post. Tomorrow).
And if we’re going by boy talk then technically we’re still just friends. But at the risk of going TMI on the bit, we do, on occasion, hold hands, and I think we may have touched legs while sitting next to each other on the couch. BOOM.

And in first place with 14 votes and 53% of the total vote – Caleb should move to Lincoln and become one of those creepy guys that goes to Union, graduates, and then never leaves. I’m guessing this answer won by such an enormous margin because A. I’ve already graduated from Union, and 2. I’m already pretty creepy. So I’m already batting .667 and moving to Lincoln would make put me at 1.000. Also I would like to point out that I don’t think everyone who graduates from Lincoln and then finds a job in the area is creepy. Just most of them : )
Shawna was contemplating taking over writing this week’s poll results because she thought I would be biased and make up some lame excuse about why I’m not going to move to Lincoln, even though you, the loyal voters on this blog, have made it extremely clear that is what the best solution would be. However, I’m not going to come up with any lame excuse. It’s true the voters have spoken and unlike those before me I will not dispute the results I will honor the wishes of our voters and move to Lincoln. As soon as I find an apartment with rent comparable to what I pay now. OH yeah, and a job.

Which alliterated pair sounds most realistic? 26 total votes

With 2 votes and 7% of the total vote – Brainy Blonde, and Popular President. A blond was bragging about his knowledge of the state capitals. He proudly said, "Go ahead, ask me, I know all of them."
A redhead said, "O.K., what's the capital of Wisconsin?"
The blond replied, "Oh, that's easy - 'W'."
So I guess it is possible.
I’m not sure about a popular president, I think Nixon was pretty popular, and Herbert Hoover's work to end the depression make him the hero of his era, and I know Andrew Jackson got a lot of support from the Native American community. And of course there’s “Useless” S. Grant. He won over the Confederate States, with his blunders during the war, and apparently the Union liked him too because he’s on the $50 bill. Only President Benjamin Franklin has a higher currency value.

With 8 votes and 30% of the vote – Athletic Asian. Yes Asians are very athletic. Their mastery includes grueling sports such as table tennis, golf, badminton, diving, Texas Hold ‘em and of course the World Baseball Classic.* Who was the last great Asian player in basketball, who wasn’t a foot taller than everyone else? Wang ZhiZhi? Who was the last good Asian football player not named Dat Nguyen? And finally name me one good Asian soccer player.
Caleb that’s not fair, it’s hard enough a soccer player period.
That’s true.

And in first place with 14 votes and 53% of the total vote – Cute Caleb. As I mentioned before this poll idea was submitted for consideration by Caleb Current, so when he put the answer Cute Caleb, I’m assuming he was referring to himself, which was why I voted for that answer. And he was not referring to me. So for all of you getting ready to call me conceited. STOP IT. STOP IT. I’m not conceited, I’m egotistical. And it has almost nothing to do with my disproportioned face, or tiny armed, fat kneed body. It’s all about my superior intellectual skills. That and the fact I talk and write really, really good.
Smirk

So there you have it. Oh, fun fact of the day, both winning answers for each poll had 14 votes and 53% of the total vote.
Has that happened before?
No, if it had, do you think I would be making such a big deal about it now?
Yes.
Yeah, you’re probably right. See you all next week.

*the World Baseball Classic isn’t actually grueling, well it might be to the Asians, because they apparently are the only country taking it seriously. I’m guessing they have winning the WBC number three on their priority list, right below making the best cars, and electronics.

10K, All the Way!

2009-04-20T20:16:00.003-05:00

This past Saturday, Lisa and I ran our first competitive race: the Havelock 10K and 2 mile Fun Run. We chose the 10K. Although... I'm 37% sure we could have beat the pregnant moms and 6 year old yittle girls participating in the Fun Run.
Let me paint a visual picture of what the morning looked like: Very drizzly, slight wind, and 454 of the greater Lincoln area's sexiest, tannest, and buff citizens in cute running shorts and bouncy pony-tails. Lisa and I made participants #455 and 456 :)
Although it was a mere 6.2 miles long, this run was mentally one of the toughest to date for me. It was terribly discouraging to run so far behind the crowd. At most points, we couldn't see more than 2 or 3 runners ahead of us. Until we got to 56th street. Then, we brushed shoulders with the 454, skipping carefree down the hill, while we were trudging upwards towards the turn-around point, about ready to pass out. This leads to the second reason the run was so hard. We had no idea where the race path was. It was difficult to fathom where I was in the race and how much further was left.
Now for the good stuff: My fabulous BF came to cheer me on!!! It was so exciting and encouraging to see him there, looking all cute so early in the morning. Plus he handed me a delicious and much-needed Gatorade at the finish line. Shelli and Shanell also drove by at one point, honking and hollering, which definitely put a smile back on my face. Also, I kept a 12:00 mile pace, which was the goal. That was also really exciting, especially considering that I placed 455 out of 470.
Even though it was a tough experience, I am really glad that I ran and finished the 10K. I think it was a good practice for what is to come in T-minus 13 days.

Playing Favorites

2009-04-14T18:49:00.003-05:00

I don't know what's more alarming the size of those shoes, or the fact that my mom is letting him wear them in the house.

We're Pretty Close

2009-04-14T18:45:00.004-05:00

This is a picture of my brother and me after my College Graduation. Probably one of the better pictures of him. I just wish he had more of a camera presence.

He'll Thank Me Later

2009-04-14T18:40:00.002-05:00

Before Blogs pictures like this had to wait until 8th Grade or High School Graduations. Don't worry Landan this will make you a huge hit with the ladies.

We Want YOU! Or at Least Your Ideas

2009-04-14T18:33:00.005-05:00

Week six is in the books and we saw the voting totals drop for a second straight week. And apparently some of you who did vote found our polls to be somewhat lacking as far as content quality. We here at A Yittle Chubby are always happy for feedback, and we will try to keep our polls interesting. And if you, our readers, ever have ideas for new poll ideas we would love to hear from you. I will post an update soon that will give you a way to contact me with your possible suggestions. Please don’t leave your ideas as a comment because it’s not secretive enough and then we can’t use your ideas and pass them off as our own.
And now… Results
Clap, clap

What is your favorite thing about spring? 27 total votes

With 2 votes and 7% of the total vote – Claritin. I’m not sure what to say about the allergy medicine known as Claritin because quite frankly if I were to use an allergy medicine it would be Nasonex because they have Antonio Banderas as their bee/spokesperson. My question is, why then did Disney go with Jerry Seinfeld for their main voice in Bee Movie, Banderas had way more experience and not to be rude or anything, but he’s also much better looking.

With 5 votes and 18% of the total vote – May flowers. Since it’s only April perhaps people are still not as high on flowers as they will be once they arrive. Or maybe more people are starting to realize that other than looking fairly nice, and sometimes offering a pleasing smell flowers have absolutely nothing to offer and therefore are not something to look forward too, unless of course you are a bee : )

With 8 votes and 29% of the total vote – Rain showers. Show me someone who can name one thing that is more refreshing than a misty 60 degree day and I will show you a liar. Imagine if it were rainy and cool 365 days a year. Wouldn’t that be great? Just think of all the positives: less stinky people, less skin cancer, an end to the Global Warming cries of Big Al, and of course mud puddles for the children. And for those of you thinking, yeah but nothing would grow and we would all starve.
FALSE: cranberries and rice.
What do you think of my rainy world now!!!1!

And in first place with 12 votes and 44% of the total vote – Flip flops. I used to wear sandals in high school. Not flip flops. I couldn’t wear socks with flip flops. Yes you heard correctly open faced sandals, with socks. Mostly to annoy my then girlfriend, but also because I thought it looked really hott…Ahh, I’ve learned so much since high school. Anyway, now I still wear sandals, just not with socks, and I still don’t wear flip flops and actually I’d really prefer it if everyone called them thongs.

Which sporting event are you most excited about? 25 total votes

With 4 votes and 16% of the total vote – NHL playoffs. It doesn’t surprise me to find Hockey running fourth. Actually surprises me that it corralled 4 of the votes. I have watched one maybe two NHL playoff games in my life. Both came the year the Minnesota Wild shocked Hockey Nation by knocking off the Colorado Avalanche and advancing to the Eastern Conference Finals. I still remember watching a Wild player, whose name escapes me, skate out on a fast break, deke the goalie into the stands, and then whip the puck into a wide open net. I watched it with my brother, probably the most memorable sports moment the two of us have shared. At least in my eyes.*

With 5 votes and 20% of the total vote – NBA playoffs. I enjoy the NBA, but hate the Playoffs. Not because the Timberwolves are always absent, or because even when they do make it they never win. But because the Finals always end with the one team I didn’t want to win, winning. Exceptions: Detroit Pistons over the L.A. Lakers, and Miami Heat over the Dallas Mavericks (sorry Force).

With 7 votes and 28% of the total vote – The NFL Draft. I thought for sure this answer would win and it was actually my choice. My anticipation is fueled not just by the eagerness to see who the Packers will select, or whether the Lions will select another receiver, or if the Vikings will again fail to turn their card in on time and allow ten other teams to make their picks before them and still end up with the best player, but because once the draft is comes and goes it means that we have a solid two weeks of peace before speculation on next year’s draft starts. What would it be like to have a job that is based purely on speculation? I’ll have to remember that one, so I can ask Mel Kiper Jr. when I meet him in heaven.

And in first place with 9 votes and 36% of the total vote – The start of Baseball season. Apparently the voters on our Blog didn’t get the memo that Baseball is no longer America’s pastime. I think baseball really get pumped two times a year: when the season starts and when the season ends. One hundred and sixty-two games is a lot. To demonstrate how long that is I’m going to type baseball 162 times.
Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball Baseball.
Don’t you think they could shorten the season to a smaller round number? How about 69.
This would allow Americans to enjoy baseball during the sunny summer months rather than during the snow and sleet of April, and November. That’s right, it’s possible that the World Series will be played in early November this year. Good thing the Twins are still indoors.

*The Twins winning the World Series in 1991 would probably be a close second, and possibly first, except I was sent to bed early for Game 7
because I was an unruly child. And the Packers winning the Super Bowl versus the Patriots? Well football is my favorite sport, but at that
age I was too naïve to think the Packers might lose and actually spent half the game in the basement playing video games. It wasn’t until
the next year that I realized it was possible for the opposing team to win (The Mavericks suck, but you’ll always have the Broncos right
Force?).

Does This Sound Sarcastic to You?

2009-04-14T16:39:00.003-05:00

“Obviously this is a highly anticipated moment for the White House.”

An actual quote from an MSNBC reporter referring to the arrival of the Obama's new dog.

Here's something I'm highly anticipating, Obama making the news for something other than his leisure activities, but perhaps that's asking too much from our Nation's President.

So You're Saying There's a Chance

2009-04-14T16:19:00.005-05:00

While watching a preseason game between the Twins and Phillies one of their TV broadcasters had this to say about the dreaded knuckleball, that R.A. Dickey was baffling their hitters with:

"Trying to hit off a knuckeballer is a waste of time. It's like trying to catch a butterfly with a net."

You know they sell butterfly nets right?
For kids.
Kids can catch butterflies with a net.
So...

Did You Rehearse That?

2009-04-14T16:01:00.004-05:00

I heard this gem from Clark Kellogg during the pregame show of North Carolina vs. Oklahoma in this year's NCAA men's basketball tournament. When asked about Carolina's point guard, Ty Lawson, Kellogg said:

"He’s like a variable speeds fan and all his speeds are fast."

Drrrrrrrrrrrr

Is That a Serious Question?

2009-04-14T15:56:00.002-05:00

The following is an actual conversation I witnessed firsthand. The names have been changed to protect the participants identities.

Boy: And in September he’ll be shipping out to Afghanistan for a year.

Girl: So like eighteen months?

Boy: No just twelve.

Cloud Nine

2009-04-13T22:28:00.003-05:00

This past Saturday I reached another milestone in my training. I successfully completed 9 miles!!!
To be honest, its been a rough couple of weeks. I was having such a hard time after the last 7-mile run. I wasn't consistent in the short, week-day runs, and was seriously starting to doubt myself. Plus, I have 3 layers of blisties the size of Te-has on my feet that somehow progressively got worse after I got shoes in Jan. Turns out, I was wearing an entire size too small. Fortunately, I invested (as the Scheels lady put it) in a new pair of running shoes, which has helped. I wish running shoes were cuter. Seriously, if you have to pay a hundred bucks for a good pair, might as well make them fancy.
Back to Saturday... It was such an empowering experience--realizing that less than 2 months ago I couldn't even jog 1/2 a mile without taking a break. Now, please don't think that I jogged the entire 9. I think we averaged just under a 12 minute mile, but there were definitely walking breaks every couple of miles.
With the big day just under 3 weeks away, I have begun to set a couple of personal goals. Firstly, I would like to run the first 5 without stopping to walk. Right now I am at about 3.25 or so. And B. I would like to do the entire 13.1 in under 2:45.
This Saturday is a 10K... kind of a practice race for the real deal. The week after that is 10 miles... then the following Sunday--the 1/2. Its really crunch time. I think as long as I stay consistent with the week-day runs, it will hopefully pay off come May 3.
Tonight was fun, I took Caleb on a guided tour of the route we ran on Sat. Well, he drove so mostly I just talked nonstop for 9 miles about the hills, my feelings, how I hated the run alongHi2 from 48th-20th st, where we stopped to powder our noses in the G to the Etto.
To conclude, I would like to recognize Lisa, my fellow social-worker, turned running buddy. She has been my rock and I will follow her to the ends of the earth... or at least the end of the 1/2 marathon :)

We Got 'Em

2009-04-06T16:34:00.004-05:00

For those of you who haven’t heard already the Packers signed offensive linemen, Duke Preston, just over a week ago. And now for those of you wondering why it took me a week to get to this enormous* signing, I couldn’t contain my joy over the Packers adding that final piece for a Championship run. And now for those of you who have never heard of Duke Preston,** he started 11 games for the Buffalo Bills at center last season. He is 6’5 315 lbs, and has the versatility to play several positions-
So the Packers are going to use him to replace Mark Tauscher at right tackle?
You didn’t let me finish. He brings versatility but only to the interior line positions. According to Ted Thompson Preston will not be looked at as an offensive tackle.
So what does this signing mean for current Packer linemen? According to the rumor mill surrounding the NFL, this move may signal the end of Scottie Wells’ playing days as a Packer. Apparently Preston was signed to a $2 million contract over two years, that will have him be the Packers primary backup to Jason Spitz, who is rumored to be the Packs new center, and Josh Sitton and Daryn Colledge, the starting guards. In this scenario the oft-injured and well compensated Wells would be released or traded to free up cap space.
Here are some holes to that theory, Wells may be oft-injured, but Spitz has struggled to say on the field at times as well. Wells has proven he can start in the Packers system, where as Preston is a bit of an unknown, even though he did start 11 games in the NFL for the Bills last season. Also the Packers aren’t in need or cap space until next year, so unless releasing Wells now saves them a ton more money than releasing him next offseason I don’t see the negatives of holding onto Wells for one more season before trying to trade or release him. Another problem with this scenario is that it still doesn’t fill the hole the Packers have at right tackle. Unless Tauscher is coming back, which is still a possibility I guess.
Here is my suggestion for those of you who wish to hear it. Leave Wells and Preston to battle for the center position. Put Sitton and Spitz as the two interior linemen. Move Daryn Colledge to right tackle. Colledge played tackle, left tackle, in college. However, at 6’4 he supposedly lacks the length to be a left tackle in the pros. Also he is a better run blocker than pass blocker. All of these things seem to indicate he could be a monster at right tackle, where run blocking is more crucial than left. For those of you who say, “sure it looks good on paper but that doesn’t mean it will be all biscuits and gravy in real life.” Well all you naysayers please click here and watch the clip at 3:06.
Playing against the Lions, yeah I know they were 0-16, and starting a right tackle Daryn Colledge blocked four Lions defenders and pancaked two of them. Almost single handedly he paved the way for the Packers longest run of the season, a 73 yard canter by DeShawn Wynn. I think an offensive line with Clifton, Spitz, Preston/Wells, Sitton, and Colledge would be the best since Wahle and Rivera were teamed with Clifton and Tauscher.
Why won’t it happen? Because Colledge was arguably one of our best linemen last season at left guard, and the Packers probably don’t want to move him. Also there is a decent shot Tauscher could end up back with the team, or that the Packers will take an offensive tackle high in the draft. But hey what do I know.

Oh I almost forgot, seriously I wasn't just saying that to be cliche, the Packers made two more moves today. They resigned Tory Humphrey, and

Drum roll please

They released Kenny Pettway. Quick what position did Pettway play?

Answer: Defensive end. Oh boy.

*enormous is describing his size, not his potential impact to the team
**this list probably includes football and non-football fans alike

It's a Matter of Principle

2009-04-06T16:31:00.001-05:00

Does anyone remember the Pitt v. ETSU score? I'll give you a hint... That's not it.